ATTITUDES

According to the American Heritage Dictionary, an attitude is

1. A position of the body or manner of carrying oneself
2. A state of mind or a feeling; disposition.

Now, there are good attitudes and bad attitudes. But it gets confusing because sometimes a bad attitude is a good thing to have (as in a bad-ass attitude), and vice versa. So when is an attitude good? when is it bad? To paraphrase the definition of pornography, I know when an attitude is good or bad when I see it. In this page, we will list a series of situations and grade the attitudes accordingly.

SITUATION # 11: One of the advantages of being in a big, culturally diversified club such as the Central Park Track Club is that one gets to hear different opinions and analyses. Consider the road workouts where the group leaves en masse and splinters up eventually, perhaps unwittingly so. At the road workout of January 29th, 1998, Michael Trunkes threw in a small surge to pull away from the lead group, in the words of Peter Coe, "just to see what the bastards are made of." As Jud Santos clawed his way back, he came across Sarah Gross and Audrey Kingsley and the following conversation took place.

Jud: "Trunkes is pulling away."
Sarah: "No, he is not."
Audrey: "You are falling back."

So let the One Hundred Schools of Thought blossom: The Realist, The Contrarian, The Dialectical Materialist, ... (can you figure who is which?)

SITUATION # 10: There are a number of triathletes in Central Park Track Club. It is easy to tell them apart from the runner types, based upon a number of characteristics: broad swimmers' shoulders, prolific food consumption, saying hello to the bike pack, riding out on weekends to Montauk and/or Nyack on their custom-made $15,000 titanium-frame bicycles and, above all, the constant refrain of "I am not a runner" in their speech.

But now Ross ("I am not a runner") Galitsky is attempting to set the record straight:

• "To punish you 'runner types', I will break up a fairy tale which has been erected in front of everyone's eyes. I'm referring to one of my favorite people in the Club, heretofore considered to be a pure 'runner type'.
  Last Thursday night, I was cleaning out my closet and I found a copy of Triathlon Today magazine from November, 1989! NO, I don't compile old issues of running magazines like all you "runner types" and display them in museum-grade storage enclosures. Only you running geeks do that! I had saved this issue because it contained articles about several races close to my heart (Scott Willett did quite well in them, BTW).
  Alas, on Page 13A, there is an article titled 'NY Triathlon Series Central Park'. There was a nice half-page write-up of the event and, smack in the middle of it, I saw:
  
  'Overall Women: Stacy Creamer - 4th Place Overall, 1:24:00; Women 25-29: Stacy Creamer - 1st Place'.
  
  That was 8 years ago! Let's face the reality --- multi-sport is what makes Stacy popular, attractive, successful, and an absolute pleasure to watch when she's dancing (as opposite to the contortions that the 'runner types' assume will be misconstrued as dancing). So here, one of you is really one of us!!! It is just that she has been spinning wool over everybody's eyes hitherto!!!"

• A careful reading of the said article revealed that the truth was actually worse than Ross had believed. There were in fact more crypto-triatheletes on the Central Park Track Club than he thought, as the following results for that particular race showed:

• Dan Glickenhaus, overall winner
• Kenn Lowy, 1st M30-34
• Karen Nelson, 1st W30-34
• Odin Townley, 2nd M50-54

• Stacy ("I am not a cyclist, I am not a swimmer") Creamer replies: "So my cover is blown! To tell you the truth, I had no idea that my shadowy triathlon past dates as far back as 8 years -- maybe longer! But rest assured that the only triathlon in which I have ever competed is the Central Park Triathlon held in the park each August. This to me is the ideal triathlon: next to no commuting time, a short swim that you could also walk (Lasker pool isn't deep), a reasonable bike ride (12 miles), and a disproportionately long run (5 miles). That this triathlon seems to go head to head with far more popular and challenging triathlons in the region, thus depleting the caliber of the field, is also a big plus. Five-year age groups also help bring the hardware home.

  So, I am guilty as charged, but remember this:- on most years, when it comes to triathlon day, the last time I was in a pool was for the said triathlon the year before. In other words: I am not a swimmer! But if food consumption is a key component of triathlon training, I am very guilty as charged and would be pleased to dine with you at a restaurant of your choosing."

ATTITUDE GRADE:
Ross Galitsky: Poor. Too many inexplicable things, like why he was cleaning his closet on Thursday night instead of attending the Central Park Track Club workout? What kind of alternate cross-training is closet-cleaning? This just confirms our worst suspicions about the tri-geeks.
Stacy Creamer: Poor. We believe her response was too defensive and/or modest in tone. And what about that feeble attempt to buy silence with a dinner? We would have been a lot blunter, like "Oh, I didn't realize that you have to train for a triathlon" or some such.

(postscript (12/23/97): A little bird on the wire tells us that Stacy Creamer received a rubber wet suit for Christmas, complete with matching goggles. Whilst we do not know the identity of the mysterious benefactor, we are pretty certain that Ross Galitsky had something to do with this. Now Stacy is waiting for the titanium-framed racing bike to show up at her doorstep before she begins her next life as an elite triathlete. Is anyone listening?

SITUATION # 9: At the 1997 Fifth Avenue Mile, Sylvie Kimché won the Women's Master 50+ Division. This is the umpteenth time that she has won this mile race. With her silver Waterford trophy in hand, she was interviewed over the public address system.

INTERVIEWER: Sylvie, you have been winning this thing over such a long period of time. What is the key to your success?
SYLVIE: (long response, completely inaudible over the PA system)

ATTITUDE GRADE: Terrific! If she had a secret key to success, would she really broadcast it to the general public? We were particularly impressed by how she seemed to have spoken at length without being heard.

SITUATION # 8: We have been asked by several Central Park Track Club members to post the details of the Tuesday/Thursday workouts (e.g. track workout with 3x(200 warmups, 200 jog), 5x(800m at 5K race pace, 400 jog), 4x(300m spring, 100 jog)) because they would like to do the workouts by themselves later if they could not attend.
ATTITUDE GRADE: Peculiar!? We thought that the whole point about these team workouts was to run our teammates into the ground. How can you do that by yourself? Or are we wrong in our assumption?

(Reaction 8/8/97) I noticed from your Attitudes page that some lazy gurly-man members have been requesting missed-workout information, trying to get away with shaping up without the privilege of being pummelled into the ground by their teammates. My suggestion is that you post these "workouts" magnified to many times the difficulty of the originals. For example: 1 mile warmup; 1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1 timed pickups to further warm up; 3x2 miles at 10K pace; 3x4 lampposts at 400m pace; 1.5-mi cooldown. Total mileage: about 15 miles or so. As Cannibal said in the bike racing movie American Flyers (with a skinny Kevin Costner and Rae Dawn Chong), "Enough of this Sunday stroll! Let's HURT a little bit!" (Note: We will not disclose who the author of this note is; however, it is clearly someone who harbors romantic fantasties about bike racing ... which would lead to a choice of only one person ... )

SITUATION # 7: We all know that the slogan 'NO PAIN, NO GAIN' was popularized by Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) Balboa, and is commonly used as an exhortation for greater training efforts. Roland Soong has devised a variation on this theme as 'NO EXERTION, NO PAIN', whereby he slows down as soon as the going gets tough.
ATTITUDE GRADE: F minus, with immediate expulsion recommended.
EXCUSE: "No, it was not my mom. It was the coach, who gave a wonderful speech once in praise of an athlete who had the courage to quit. I have been trying to live up to that since."
COMMENT: Well, if he really believes in the coach, then how come this is the only thing he abides by? What about all the other speeches and instructions (especially, about pacing)?

SITUATION # 6: At the 1996 Ocean-to-Sound Relay, Roane Carey was entrusted with the anchor leg. It would seem that Roane was within striking distance of the Super Runner Shop runner for the second-place team finish. So Roane gathered his strength for a rush at the figure in front who seems to be ever so tantalizingly close. Well, it turned that the aforesaid SRS runner was Gerril Owens, a sub-4-minute miler from England who said that he decided to go into cruise mode and maintain a short lead just ahead of Roane once he concluded that the first-place Warren Street team was out of reach. After a tortuous 6.6 miles, Roane still ended just a few seconds behind. "Why couldn't you tell me earlier?", he wondered.

ATTITUDE GRADE:
Roane: Really poor! Your teammates were trying to protect you. At least, you had the exhilarating illusion of catching the guy. If they had told you earlier, you would have been despondent for all 6.6 miles!

"Oh, I could have caught him!!!"

SITUATION # 5: The following e-mail went from Jud ("The Editor") Santos to person(s) unknown: "I have NO RESULTS FROM ANY OF THE TRACK MEETS. Any and all results (whether they are your own races or others folks' races) over the past 4 months should be given to me or my doorman AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!! Not only are these results important for the newsletter, but George has been wanting to see them as well. We don't want another newsletter without track results, do we? If I don't receive anything by next week, I will not ask again. I realize that you're a very busy person and that it is not the responsibility of anyone in particular on the track team to provide me with race results - and that if anyone has any responsibility it is ME (to collect results) - but I have done my part (to try to obtain results), while nobody else has. I am not running after anyone and spending hours on the phone anymore like I did last year just to get track results. No race results, no track page, and no complaints from anyone. I just want to make that clear. Thanks, Jud"

ATTITUDE GRADES:
Jud: PATHETIC!!! When you need something from someone, whining and nagging will guarantee that you get absolutely nowhere. This document is also fascinating to deconstruct, as it employs a number of devices that are notably lacking in subtlety, such as degradation ("give it to my doorman"), invocation of a higher authority ("George wants to see them"), sarcasm ("we don't want another newsletter without track results, do we?"), the excessive use of capital letters for emphasis ("AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!"), martyr complex ("spending hours on the phone ... like I did last year"), et cetera that are clearly to designed to subvert the ostensible goal.

Postscript: Morally speaking, it was a breach of confidentiality for me to publish (and annotate) this e-mail without permission from the parties involved. In this case, however, the overriding interest is the need and right of the people to be informed.

SITUATION # 4. At a Club Championship Race in the early 90's, our Coach Wiz charged out fast and by the second mile he found Yogi Bear (and Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Baby Bear, the Gummi Bears, and all of the Chicago Bears) on his back. At that inopportune moment, Candy Strobach streaks by in a flash, and spits in his path. George yelled out, "Save it. You might need it later."

ATTITUDE GRADES:
Coach Wiz: GOOD. A coach should always give the best possible advice to his athletes, including fluid maintenance techniques.
Candy: GREAT. Yes, you should kick them when they are down, since they may decide to retire to avoid future humiliation and you will never get another chance.

SITUATION # 3: A CPTC dream match is expected at the Empire State Games in Albany, between the self-proclaimed "CPTC's best 45-year old 1500m runner" (Duane Green) and "CPTC's best 45-year old 400m runner" (Jesse Norman). They will meet in the 800m race. About this race, Duane says, "The 800m is probably the most painful event in track," while Jesse says, "I don't need to have done one to know what it's like. Oh, I haven't done one, but it's no problem."

ATTITUDE GRADES:
Duane and Jesse: LOUSY attitudes.
How unexciting can they get? Can you imagine Michael Johnson and Donovan Bailey saying that about their 150m dream match? Can you imagine Noroudine Morceli and Haile Gebresailassie use those words for their 3000m dream match? Where is the bravado? Let us hear some trash talk!!! Here is a suggestion for Duane, "My wife (Joan) can beat Jesse at 800m anytime!"

SITUATION # 2: At the pre-race CPTC dinner table at the 1996 Philadelphia Half, Stacy Creamer asked Alan Ruben, "Who's on the men's team?" Alan replied."Well, there's me, and Casey, and Hank, and Jud, and Ramon ... (pauses) ... and then there's the rest of them."

ATTITUDE GRADES:
Stacy Creamer: Incomplete, although possibly guilty of being an agent provocateur
Alan Ruben: Good attitude. Rank has its privileges.

SITUATION # 1: It's early in the indoor track season, and Sarah (Ms. High Anxiety) Gross is worried that if she shows up on Tuesday night at the Armory, there will be no one from her group there to run with. She asks Alan Ruben, "Alan, will there be anyone from the D group up there?" Alan thinks for a moment and replies, "You mean slow like you?" Without waiting for an answer, Alan continues, "Why don't you ask Jud? Sometimes he runs slow."

ATTITUDE GRADES:
Sarah Gross: Bad attitude. She should have known better not to ask, of all people, Alan Ruben. Let us hope that she has learned.
Alan Ruben: Good attitude. It is the responsibility of the team representatives to provide accurate and helpful information to members, or direct them to someone with the correct information.
Jud Santos: Bad attitude. Slumming disrupts the social hierarchy, and role confusion is the principal cause of schizophrenia.

What? You have an attitude? Well, just tell us via e-mail.