Whereas our previous trivia quizzes consisted of multiple-choice questions, this one is an open-ended essay quiz.

The scoring works as follows:

Out of a maximum of 100 points,

• 10 points for correctly identifying the owner of the hand in the photo

• 90 points for your story of the circumstances in the photo.  Points will be awarded on the basis of originality and creativity and, as you might expect from us, accuracy is less important.  There is no limit on the number of words.

All submissions will be published on this page afterwards (subject to the usual censoring necessary for a family-oriented publication such as ours).  Of course, you don't work for nought, because the grand prize for the best story (as determined by the jury of one person) will be a copy of Toby Tanser's TRAIN HARD, WIN EASY (2nd EDITION).

RESULT:  There was one and only one entry submitted.  By default, this entry is declared the winner, and is printed below.  As for the point scoring, it suffices to point out that no points were awarded for pointing out the right person.  Although it is pointless by now, we will point out that the true account contains these points: Central Park, three bikes, one unleashed dog, one irresponsible dog owner, one collarbone and one finger ...

Waiting for Roland

Act I

Scene 1

A runner asks, "Who's there?"  A curious man responds, "Nay, answer me.  Stand and unfold yourself."  The runner makes a gesture and runs away.

Scene 2

This scene could take place anywhere.  Perhaps it's two people with too much time on their hands sitting down for another extended meal.  What is being eaten is not important.  What will be said about what is eaten may be important.  But it's not important for this essay. 

RU486:            Simile, simile, I need a simile.

RS007:            Your similes are as hard to swallow as (Pauses) Mifepristone.

RU486:            Well, we haven't heard that before.

RS007:             Or as dubious as Mephistopheles?  That almost goes with Mifepristone.  (Silence)  Nevermind.

RU486:            (Confused) Well, any new pictures?

RS007:             I captured an interesting digit while on the track.

RU486:            Well, who?

RS007:             Who?! ( stunned)  I don't give information for free.  This is the runner's equivalent of Yahoo! Auction.

RU486:            How about I write a quiz?

Scene 3

This scene takes place at an Ethiopian restaurant.  It could be on a drab block of Amsterdam or perhaps on Mulberry Street.   

SC43:  The faster the pace, the more the spiked shoes help; they stop sliding and twisting on turns, and they make sure that Newton's First Law doesn't steal any momentum anywhere else.

JS75:    But did Newton account for bad form?  Besides, I'm not sure Newton has much to steal from me.

Enter Waitress

Waitress:            What would you like to drink?

JS75:                    Mango lassi, please.  (Silence)  Sorry, wrong country.

SC43:               No, Gebrselassie is from Ethiopia.

JS75:                    I don't want to drink Haile.

Exit waitress, not amused

SC43:  You're a real hothead on the track.  Next time you overreact I'm going to grab you, shake you, and scream, "You must chill!  You must chill!  I have hidden your racing flats and you will run at the proper pace."

JS75:            But.but.but, my pacing is flawless.

SC43:          Now what are we doing here?  We're certainly not writing a food review.

JS75:       We're two underdeveloped characters in a bad play that's substituting as an "essay" for the home page.  The  author has written his most derivative piece yet.

SC43:         No, that's not it.

JS75:          Wait.  (Silence)  We're waiting for Roland?

SC43:         That must be it.  When is he coming?

JS75:          I don't know.

SC43:         Let's leave.  (They do not move)

Act II

Scene 1

This scene takes place at the CPTC Executive Committee meeting.  We don't know what the room looks like-the meeting is, after all, behind closed doors-but, thanks to word of mouth and email, we know a little.

A:        Any clues to the new trivia quiz?

B:         I think it's Ramon.  Gotta be Ramon. 

C:         Perhaps it's the person you least expect.  Craig Chilton, anybody?  Or maybe Mannen had one too many.

D:         Devon Sargent.  The way I know is the middle finger.  You don't wanna piss that girl off.

E:          Who cares?!  It's all trivial.

A:         What is?

E:          Who wrote what when?  How many people showed up at the workout?  Who has their finger on the home page?

A:          Trivial?

E:           Personalities.

B:           I'm sorry.  Did you say trivial?

E:           The questions you're asking don't matter, you see.  It's like arguing who got there first with the calculus.  The English say Newton.  The Germans say Leibnitz.  But it doesn't matter!  Personalities.  What matters is the calculus.  Scientific progress.  Knowledge.  Miles were run.  The intervals were on pace.

B:           Don't confuse progress with perfectability.  A person's body fat percentage is always timely.  A great philosopher is an urgent need.  There's no rush for Isaac Newton, or Jack Daniels and Peter Coe.  We were quite happy with Aristotle's cosmos and mystery workouts.  Personally, I preferred it.  Fifty-five crystal spheres geared to God's crankshaft is my idea of a satisfying universe, as is 11 lampposts on, 5 and one half lampposts off.

C:           What the hell are you talking about?!

A:           The trivia quiz, right?

B:            What should we do about it?

E:            Let's wait for Roland.

Scene 2           

SC43 and JS75 dine.  Same time.  Same place.

JS75:     When will the trivia quiz be answered?

SC43:    I don't know.  And I don't have the slightest clue who it is.  Frankly I don't care.

JS75:     I'm curious.

SC43:    But the story told to be accounted as the true story could be false.  Don't you wonder how much of the web site is total fabrication?

JS75:    I'm going to wait for Roland and find out.

Scene 3

A track.  A camera.  Evening.

RS007:             Somebody's gotta answer the question!  (Pauses)  Or maybe I'll just make something up.

Curtain