The Fritz Mueller Page


PREAMBLE: Given this man's legendary accomplishments and status, the task of assembling a home page is indeed monumental. But Rome was not built in one day and so here we go.


SOME STATISTICS


Boston 1978

  • Selected Boston Marathon times:
    - 1976, 46th place overall, 2:34:38 at age 40
    - 1977, 79th place overall, 2:32:12 at age 41
    - 1978, 38th place overall, 2:20:47 at age 42, first place master finisher, set master course record which held for next 6 years
  • In 1978, at age 42, he was the overall winner of the very tough Yonkers Marathon
  • In 1978, he won the World Masters Marathon Championship in Berlin.  
  • Fritz holds the fastest US Men's 40-44 time for 50 km at 2:58:20.
  • Fritz holds the 11th fastest all-time US Open Men's time for 50 mile at 5:14:54 set when he was 43 years old; this was also the 2nd fastest US Men's 40-44 time.
  • Since 1973, he has run more than 250 quality races including 24 sub-2:30 marathons. He broke 2:30 in the New York Marathon seven times in a row.
  • At the age of 50, he ran the Grandma's Marathon in 2:30:20.

THE TESTIMONIALS

  • Dave Blackstone: "I heard about an out-of-shape middle-aged blond guy who collapsed at four miles in a six mile race and had to be hospitalized. I later learn that it was his first race, and his name of Fritz. So what? I realize now, of course, that he put us on the map."

  • Dave Blackstone: "Fritz and I used to run about the same pace.  It is just that as we grew older, he got faster and I got slower."

  • Jack Brennan: "Fritz is a man of few words --- at least few that I can understand."

  • Robin Villa: "I would see him go by in the park, and I would think, 'Oh, there goes Fritz Mueller!' When it turned out that I was running for the same team as him, it was like I was one of the chosen!"

  • Jack Brennan, again: "The big success story of the 70's was Fritz Mueller. Here was a guy who came here from God knows where --- I think it was during the Depression --- and started running. He had visions of glory, probably fantasized that some day he would learn to speak English. I mean, he is no different from anybody else on the club --- we have all dreamt of glory and that some day Fritz might learn to speak English ..."

  • The ultimate testimonial came when Fritz was inducted into the Central Park Track Club Hall of Fame on the occasion of the 25th Anniversary Party. Here is a photo of Fritz (in civilian clothes) that evening, listening to the endless speeches (including an enumeration of Fritz's achievements by Frank Handelman).

  • Right before the club dinner party of 1998, Fritz wondered aloud, "I haven't paid yet.  So will I have to bring my check?"   His teammate said, "Fritz, you are in the hall of fame!  How can they charge you for admission?  Do you see them charging Mickey Mantle for admission at the Baseball Hall of Fame?"


BATHROOM JOKE

In Fritz's bathroom, there is a framed poster for a 25K race in the Netherlands.   The sales pitch was to ask you to come and run this race in the company of "Ron Hill and Fritz Mueller."  Fritz said, "I'm sorry but I don't have any other poster with myself in it.   That's why I framed this one."  But is the bathroom the place to hang it up? (posted on 12/5/98)


INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (short version)

HM: Fritz, it has been a long time since you competed in a race. Do you miss racing?
FM: Hey, I just can't do it anymore.
HM: Cut that out! You can do it anytime you feel like!
FM: (meaningful pause; faint Cheshire smile) Well, maybe.
HM: What do you miss the most?
FM: Not having to sneak out the door 6 o'clock in the morning and telling my wife on the way out, "Hey, Marnie, I going out to do a 50 mile race. I expect to be back by 3pm."

(recorded on 9/25/97)


All you newbies probably think of the old geezers (Jack Brennan, Fritz Muller, Frank Handelman et alia) as a bunch of washed-out, over-the-hill, bitter, sour, humorless bores. Well, you couldn't be more wrong! The proof is in the following interview. The careful reader will be able to discern the stylistic influence upon other writings on this web site. You did not think that our disrespectful tone arose from a vacuum, did you? We came from a grand tradition!

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (long version)

by Jack Brennan (Jan-Apr 1996 Central Park Track Club Newsletter,
reprinted without permission)

It's been a bad couple of years for icons. Many of those figures who loomed larger than life in my early years have passed on recently: Richard Nixon, George Burns, Pinky Lee are all gone. But one towering personality from my youth remains: the man who dominated the early years of the Central Park Track Club, Dr. Karl Friedrich ("Fritz") Mueller. He was known to many as the geriatric scourge of the reservoir; but, to me, he'll always be the Daddy Dearest of the New York running scene. An exceedingly popular figure even with the much younger (and faster) runners like myself, he once told me how pleased he was that during his entire competitive racing career he never had an enemy (actually, he is kind of hard to understand --- he could have said enema).

I caught up with Fritz recently at the reservoir (it wasn't hard to do) and decided it was time to set the record straight on the career of this remarkable runner who turns 60 next month. Although he is a man of few words (or at least few words that anyone can understand), he agreed to share his thoughts and feelings about running with the millions of runners who read this newsletter.

J.B.: Herr Mueller, you've enjoyed a remarkable degree of success in road racing. In fact, when one takes into account your advanced age, your shoddy training and your limited athletic ability, your achievements appear truly phenomenal. To what do you attribute this success, and what impact has it had on other areas on your life? In other words, how do you feel about running, and how do these feelings about running affect your feelings about life in general and the world we live in? Or, to put it another way, what do you believe in, what do you feel when you run and when you don't run? Or, to be more specific, how do you knew your role in these vast macrocosms we call earth and the Road Runners Club? I guess what I'm getting at is ...

F.M.: Was zum Teufel wollen Sie eigentlich wissen? Solchen Fragen zufolge müssen Sie so dumm sein wie Sie aussehen?

J.B.: Thank you, Herr Mueller, but not all of our readers speak fluent German, so it would be helpful if you could give your answer in English.

F.M.: I'm sorry. As you see, I speak English good and proper.

J.B.: Herr Mueller, when did you begin your career as a runner?

F.M.: I began running in 1972. At the time I weighed 380 pounds and smoked 12 packs of cigarettes a day. Then one day I was sitting on my couch, watching television, eating a roast pig and drinking a keg of beer, when I witnessed an event that was to change my life. Bill Rodgers' victory in the 1972 Olympic Marathon. It was one of those defining moments in sports, like Roger Bannister's sub-4-minute mile and Dan Glickenhaus' victory in the 1981 Snowflake 4 Miler. I was so moved that I immediately rose to my feet and decided that I, too, would become a great runner. Of course, I didn't have any running clothes then, so I put on my pink terrycloth bathrobe and a pair of hiking boots and went out for a 6-mile run. It was hot that day, so as I ran I carried an umbrella to shield my receding hairline from the unmerciful rays of the sun. I got a lot of funny looks that day --- back then, runners were hardly a common sight.

J.B.: Herr Mueller, to what do you attribute your success as a road runner?

F.M.: I would say hard work, my faith in the Lord, blood doping and Froggy Juice.

J.B.: What is Froggy Juice?

F.M.: Well, I am a research chemist, so I have access to various chemicals and substances which most runners can't get their hands on. Whenever work gets boring, some of us would sneak outside with our pet frogs and have contests to see which frog could jump the farthest. Normally, a frog can jump a few feet, but if we gave them Froggy Juice, a concoction which I invented in the laboratory, we found that they could jump over three-story buildings. We don't have these contests anymore, since the frogs all died. But when I drink Froggy Juice before a race, I run a lot faster.

J.B.: But don't you think it's unnatural to introduce such chemical substances into your body?

F.M.: Don't you think it's unnatural to run 26 miles?

J.B.: How do you respond to your critics who say you're a sore loser?

F.M.: They don't understand that a good loser is still a loser.

J.B.: Well, I remember that after Frank Handelman beat you in the first Corporate Challenge race, you were quoted as calling Frank "an unhinged, amoral sociopath who would trade his soul for a first-place medal."

F.M.: I meant that as a compliment.

J.B.: I don't mean to change the subject, Herr Mueller, but I can't help notice that you talk funny. Were you born in the some foreign country?

F.M.: Yes, I was born in Oklahoma, where I grew up on a farm with my mother, my dad, and my brother Kenny.

J.B.: When you mentioned your brother Kenny, do you mean Kenny Mueller, the top masters runner from Massachusetts who was your main rival on the American road racing circuit? (Note: In the mid-1970;s, someone named Ken Mueller held the American Masters marathon record of 2:27:43 before Fritz broke it by 20 to 30 seconds. Later, at the 1978 Boston Marathon, Ken was on his way to reclaiming the AR, or so he thought. Unbeknownst to him, Fritz who would run 2:20:47, was FIVE MINUTES AHEAD).

F.M.: Yes, that slithering slob of primordial ooze is my brother.

J.B.: It sounds like you and your brother are not on the best of terms.

F.M.: I can't talk about it. It causes me unbearable anguish every time that I recall the terrible events that led to our estrangement. It is our family's deepest secret, and I swore to my mother that I would forever remain silent about it.

J.B.: I should remind you, Herr Mueller, that you are being paid by the word for this interview.

F.M.: It happened when we were boys in Oklahoma. Mom always liked Kenny best. I always had to sleep outside with the pigs while Kenny got to sleep in the barn with the sheep. One night I heard a commotion in the barn and I went in to see what was going on. It was dark and I couldn't see the sheep. Kenny was in the corner with one of the sheep. I couldn't tell what was happening, but when Kenny saw me he jumped up and knocked over a lantern. A terrible fire resulted, which killed five sheep, six pigs, four cows and Dad. It was all Kenny's fault but he blamed it on me. He told Mom that I had invaded his privacy.

J.B.: I must tell you that I've met your brother Kenny and I think that he's a wonderful guy. I'm sure that with the passage of all these years, any anger that you once felt towards Kenny has long since vanished, and that you look back with great fondness on those days when you were growing up together in Oklahoma.

F.M.: I hate his guts.

J.B. Let me move on to the next question. There's always been considerable controversy concerning the relationship between sexual activity and athletic performance. Do you think that runners should abstain from sex before a big race?

F.M.: Well, you see, I'm in my 50s. My sex drive has done the way of Frank Handelman's speed, Ed Coplon's hair and George Wisniewski's mind. Listen, I would appreciate it if you didn't print this part of the interview. You know the myth about stamina and the long distance runner. All the guys at work think that I'm a big stud. At least I can still keep up my image, if nothing else.

J.B.: Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I'll attach a note asking Jud to delete this part of the interview before he publishes it. I mean, Jud's no rocket scientist, but I'm sure that he can follow simple instructions. I don't mean to brag, but running has had the opposite effect on me. Before I started running, once or twice a month was my limit. But when I was in shape, once or even twice a week was no problem. If only I could have some women back then ... In conclusion, Herr Mueller, do you have any special philosophy of life, or any underlying principles which guide you in your running and in your everyday life, and which you'd now like to pass along as advice to thousands of younger (and faster) runners reading this column?

F.M.: No.

J.B. Thank you, Herr Mueller.

F.M.: It's been a pleasure. When do I get paid?

THE FOURTH REICH STRIKES BACK

by Fritz Mueller (Early Summer 1996 Central Park Track Club Newsletter)

Dear Jack Brennan:

I was touched by your generous and flattering interview fan letter, which contained as much hot air as a New Orleans hurricane. Thank you. I know you have been working on this interview for 10, maybe 20 years? I liked the Froggy Juice bit.

(Jud, despite the new ban on Johnson-Nixon-Carter-Reagan era backslapping tales, please let me put in one last plug for Jack, since Jack is such a humble runner and never talks about himself.)

Thou shalt not hid your light in a box (old German proverb). For starters, you are known as the fastest man in Rockports. Then there is this hot air 2:20:50, also nothing to sneeze at. But it is your well-deserved humbleness, your modesty and generosity as a competitor which deserves a place in local history. Like this birthday tribute --- a perfect example, so truly from the heart.

Especially if one considers that after that famous 1979(?) 50K, you badgered the INS to initiate deportation proceedings against me. If you can convince me that the case has been dropped, I will, in recognition of your truly unique contributions to the running world, and as the original inventor and practitioner of the "the older I get, the faster I was" approach to life, give you this precious Gold Medal.  If I can find it. And as an extra, I include as yet unpublished instructions to another secret for running success --- "How to Double Tie Shoelaces"; although this will come too late for you.

Looking forward to your next tale of how you would have won the 30K if, if, if ...

Fritz Mueller

Anonymous reply: The Beatles at the Star Club, Hamburg, Germany, 1962.  At some point, John Lennon yelled at some guy in the audience who was heckling him: "Mister, you may have lost the War, but you can still have a good time!"


A SCENE IN THE PARK by HM
(originally published in the1996 year-end issue of the Central Park Track Club Newsletter)

One Tuesday evening this past spring, Herr Doktor Fritz Mueller was completing a moderately paced, clockwise, four mile run on the west side when he was joined by two other veteran teammates of the Central Park Track Club. After discussing plans for upcoming races in the summer, the conversation turned on how many other teammates just happened to be in the park that evening; unusual because of the regularly scheduled track workout at City College that evening. They surmised that perhaps it might be possible that the 8 teammates they had seen that evening had all decided to skip the workout that night. In any case, just before arriving at the spot where Fritz usually leaves the park (just below the Delacorte Theatre), they greeted yet another teammate in the opposite direction. After he had run by, Fritz said, "Who was that? There are so many new members in the club. I don't even know who they are."

"What do you mean, Fritz, you don't know who they are? They should know who you are! They should know who you are!!!"

After hearing this remark, a slight Cheshire smile slowly formed on Fritz's face; perhaps he was remembering those dominant victory-filled years when new and veteran teammates alike of CPTC respectfully (and sometimes fearfully) regarded him as the one teammate "who rode on a different bus."


FRITZ IN THE LAND OF THE INCAS

At a recent workout, Fritz Mueller showed up to display some new designs on his calves.  Well, those terrible scars were definitely not memorabilia from his Heidelberg dueling days. Fritz was birdwatching in Peru and was set upon by a pack of dogs. These shepherd dogs must have thought the guy with the binoculars was the mythical chupacabra about to suck the blood of their goats (or llamas?). The dogs' owner did come to the rescue eventually, but only after Fritz had been bitten rather severely. For Fritz, the measure of recovery is obviously how soon he could get back to running.  For the record, it was six weeks. Asked if he'd been scared at the time of the attack, the usually imperturbable Herr Mueller replied, "Well ... (meaningful pause) ... ja."

(posted on 5/31/98)


PERSONAL REACTION

Upon learning that a group of teammates had set up this personal web page for him, he said: "Thanks ... (pause) ... but maybe no thanks!"

Upon further consideration, he added, "Well, at least you are just talking about me, unlike the dark forces on the club." Yes, Fritz, they want to drive a stake through your heart.


SUPER SECRET RUNNING TIPS

The signature of the remarkable successes of Fritz Mueller is his relentless, steady pace. He was never a sprint champion, but he can sustain a constant effort for seemingly indefinite periods of time.

  • There once was a brash young man who had heard all about The Legend. It goes without say that he was unimpressed (otherwise he would not be brash and young). So there came a time when he entered a half-marathon with The Legend. His coach had told him to watch out for this old guy and so he observed him closely for the first mile. "But he is not so fast! I am wasting my time!", the young man thought as he sped away impatiently. Ten miles later, as the young man tried to pick up the pieces of his destroyed body from the pavement, The Legend roared by, changing neither gait nor expression.

    (Note: Several different people have told us that they are sure that we must be writing about them. Well, the character is in fact a composite of several people that we know about. Since the experience of being whipped by Fritz Mueller is very common among CPTC members, we thought that it would be improper for us to single out any one individual. You know who you are.)
  • Fritz once told a teammate: "I know that I am ready for a marathon when I can run a steady 6 minute mile pace for 20 miles after a 10K race." The most important thing, he emphasized, "is to run through the finishing chute without slowing down." Fritz was sincerely being helpful and not trying to undermine his teammate's marathon aspiration (which he obviously managed to do).

Frtiz Mueller

The Legend pins on his race number at the Corporate Challenge Race 1997, as he contemplates some issue of cosmic significance. As befitting the image of the absent-minded professor, Fritz is wearing the company shirt backwards. He was also late for the start even though he lives just 300 yards away.


RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT

The following story is reported in The Runner's Handbook, written by the Bob Glover with the assistance of one Jack Shepherd.

Fritz Mueller, forty-one, 1977 American Masters Record holder for the marathon (2:27:25), got a scare just before the 1976 National AAU Masters Marathon Championship in Honolulu. He was slowed by shin splints that would not go away. A week before the race, he submitted to X-rays only to find no fracture, nothing. Finally, he discovered the cause himself. His sweat pants had elastic bands that were restricting the blood flow in this legs, perhaps resulting in shin splints symptoms. With looser clothing, the symptoms went away, but he almost missed his trip to Hawaii. By the way, he finished second in 1976 (but won in 1977).

  Walrus Internet