ROLAND SOONG FAREWELL BRUNCH

On Saturday, May 3rd, 2003, on or about 1200 hours, a group of people were observed to enter the restaurant Soy located on 102 Suffolk Street in the Soho area of New York City.  Although this restaurant was officially closed at the time (note:  its hours of operations were from 1700 hours to 2300 hours), these individuals took over the place as if they owned it and promptly went about their business.  Their activities were captured by the surveillance camera.

• Photo 01  Subject Andrea Ostrowski was observed to be pumping in hot air to inflate orange balloons.  Upon information and belief, these balloons in unusual colors had been procured after a long search in many stores.
  
• Photo 02  What was the purpose of these orange balloons?  We have reason to believe that it was to obscure the view from the street so that passerbys will not be able to discern the activities inside.
  
• Photo 03  Although subjects Bola Awofeso and Andrea Ostrowski were professional balloon blowers, they still had to resort to other means to fill the additional balloons with helium gas.
  
• Photo 04  Although the facility is registered as a restaurant, it is also a retail/wholesale retailer of hand-crafted handbags.  After these individuals vacated the premise, it was recorded that five of these handbags were missing and presumed to have been taken by one or more subjects within the group.  Subjects Margaret Schotte, Laura Lee Kozusko and Stacy Creamer who were recorded on camera to have taken the handbags would claim that they were paid for in full.  As a consequence, the case has been referred to the IRS for prosecution of sales tax evasion.  Note:  The lobster on the wall was left alone.
  
• Photo 05  The subject later identified as Jeff Wilson even drank tea belonging to the premise in the company of subject Lauren Eckhart.
  
• Photo 06  The entry of the place was effected by the subject later identified as Etsuko Kizawa, who was observed to have gone through the front door with a pass key taken from the restaurant operator.  Upon information and belief, the subject Kizawa had known that the licensed restaurant operator did not expect anyone to breach the facilities during the daytime when the said restaurant was not opened for business.  Upon entry into the premise, the subject was observed to head immediately into the kitchen area and began to examine the prepared food.
  
• Photo 07  Subject Etsuko Kizawa was subsequently asked about the K's Choice t-shirt that she was seen to be wearing.  Although she denied any special significance, it was later established that subject Ali Rosenthal was also a fan of the said band, thereby establishing a solid link among the members of the group of subjects involved in this particular incident.
  
• Photo 09  Subjects Jerome O'Shaughnessy, Shula Sarner and David Smith were observed to be discussing choking people.  During interrogation, subject Shula Sarner claimed that she was a trained doctor giving advice.  A follow-up with her educational institution revealed that her doctorate degree was in psychology, not medicine, and her case has therefore been referred to the State of New York Attorney General to be brought up on charges of false practice, which is a felony in the state of New York.
  
• Photo 10  Subjects Sarah Gross, Chris Potter and Glen Carnes were recorded on camera.  When these subjects were interrogated about their improper dress codes (to wit, shirts) for the observed activities, they claimed that they took their work seriously and reverently.
  
• Photo 08  After some initial exploration of the premise, the subjects in fact sat down for a while and took no further action.  This surveillance photo includes subjects Jesse Lansner, John Affleck, Neeraj Engineer, Devon Martin and Audrey Kingsley.  Subject Devon Martin was observed to be holding a pair of shoes which she claimed during interrogation to be her personal property.  When challenged with the rhetorical question "How many people do you see carrying their shoes around?" she immediately invoked her Fifth Amendment rights and stated that she would act as her own attorney as she is licensed as such in the state of New York.  Subject Neeraj Engineer was observed to be holding a digital camera which he claimed to bring everywhere he goes.  When asked about the purpose, he claimed that "Everybody goes around with a digital camera these days."  Upon examination of the latter portions of the surveillance tape, it was believed that these individuals were waiting for further instructions from their leader, who had not yet arrived on the premise at this time.
  
• Photo 31  Subjects Lauren Eckhart, Devon Martin and Audrey Kingsley were observed waiting for the festivities to begin.
  
• Photo 32  As the subjects grews restless waiting, they were seen to snack on edamame.
  

Meanwhile, in another part of town, our confidential informant was following the ringleader of the gang, the subject known as Toby Tanser, who has been known on record to have multiple citizenships and passports.  At the beginning of the surveillance assignment, it was observed that subject Tanser apparently did not know his directions.  Upon information and belief, he had arranged to meet an individual who lived on the 29th floor of a building at the corner of East 17th Street and Third Avenue.  However, subject Tanser was observed to be running up and down 17th Street, with a look of panic  Apparently, he could not find the one and only one building that has more than 5 flights on the whole street.  Eventually, subject Tanser accomplished his goal and was soon observed to be heading to the Union Square subway station, where he boarded a downtown #6 local train.  After two stops, subject Tanser disembarked at the Bleecker Street station.  Subject Tanser was overheard by our confidential informant to say that "Bleecker Street is a place where famous people like Bob Dylan hung out."  Subject Tanser did not mention that he was not even born when Dylan lived there.

After proceeding to the F train station platform, subject Tanser was informed by the PA system that there were no local downtown F trains today.  Subject Tanser elected to get out on the street and proceed by foot.  This fact is an indication of how anxious subject Tanser was to get there, for although subject Tanser used to be a fast runner, he is much slower these days.  Upon ascending to Houston Street, subject Tanser further displayed his lack of direction by heading westwards until he saw the Hudson River.  Whereupon he had to turn back eastbound and therefore lost much time.  After following Houston Street east, subject Tanser was next observed to turn south along the Bowery, stating his intent to view this famous New York City landmark.  However, he did not approach any of the many Bowery bums.  Upon reaching the Delancey Street intersection, subject Tanser turned eastwards.  First, he pretended that he was looking for a McDonald's restaurant, then he pretended to be looking for a Burger King and just he acted as if he was ready to go up the Williamsburg Bridge, he quickly ducked into the narrow side street known as Suffolk Street.  Our confidential informant was able to see through these deceptive moves, followed him all the way and observed subject Tanser entering the premise of the Soy restaurant where his accomplices were waiting for him.

And now comes the dénouément (note: this is a French word) of the occasion.  This elaborate exercise --- including but not restricted to the breaking-and-entering, the balloon inflation, the raiding of the kitchen pantry and the grand tour of the Bowery --- was a 'surprise' party for one of their dear friends who is about to depart to Hong Kong, right into the heart of SARS country.

• Photo 30  This must be the place...
  
• Photo 11  The honored guest of the occasion is Roland Soong, aka the Global Surveillance System.
  
• Photo 18  Everybody has worked hard today and the food is all set to be served.
  
• Photo 12  But, just as at every single one of our annual year-end awards dinners, nobody eats until the old guys do their speeches.  Here, the designated speaker of the day is CPTC founder Frank Handelman, as recorded by Jesse Lansner.  Toby Tanser is observed to be blocking the doorway to make sure that nobody leaves.
  
• Photo 33  The picutre that Jesse Lansner was taking in the previous photo.
  
• Photo 13  Amazingly enough, the captive audience even had smiles.  Jerome O'Shaughnessy obviously has a couple of reasons to smile about, but what about the others?
  
• Photo 34  Roland Soong has worked hard to ensure that very little information about him makes it on to the website.  Therefore, the audience pays close attention to this rare glimpse into Roland's past.
  
• Photo 14  Frank Handelman's speech contains a long recount of his inept efforts at googling the name of the honored guest (hint:  for entertainment, try this page before it vanishes, but Margaret Schotte and Tyronne Culpepper can try this page instead).
  
• Photo 15  Although old people get tired easily, they compensate by running relays instead.  So after Frank Handelman came Alan Ruben.
  
• Photo 16  Finally, we reach the moment of the gift presentation.  What do you expect to give when you send someone out to oblivion?  A watch, of course, even though the length of service was less than the usual 30 years.  Since this website started in 1996, then the term of service was on or about seven years (give or take a few years).
  
• Photo 17  Everybody and their baby enjoyed the presentation.  The recepient said that this upscale Tag Heuer watch would be a nice change with the US$10 Casio digital watch that he used to call out splits at the workout (and you were wondering why you seem slower than you think!).
  
• Photo 35  Kieran Calderwood arrives at the party.
  
• Photo 19  The owner of the restaurant is none other than the aforementioned Etsuko Kizawa, and therefore she was entitled to break-and-enter after hours with impunity.  By the way, she was totally aghast when Sid Howard brought the honored guest for dinner on Thursday night because she thought the cover of the Saturday surprise party was blown for sure.
  
• Photo 20  Standing behind the counter is none other than Audrey Kingsley, aka the Membership Secretary.
  
• Photo 36  Kieran Calderwood worries about whether Roland's depature mean's he'll show up in fewer pictures on the website.
  
• Photo 37  Because Soy is such a small space, Toby told some guests to show up later in the afternoon.  Last to arrive were Margaret Schotte and Ali Rosenthal.
  
• Photo 21  Leave-taking is always sad, and there is more than one person going this time.  Joseph and Laura Lee Kozusko will be moving to Pensacola, Florida where Joseph will be teaching at the University of Western Florida. 
  
• Photo 22  Ali Rosenthal is taking no leave, as she is getting back into running again.  This photo is in tradition with her line, "You publish the most awful photos of me!"
• Photo 23  Margaret Schotte does ask for leave from running to rack up those biathlon (sorry: duathlon) wins.
  
• Photo 38  Frank Handelman shows off his new look.  "My daughter told me that if I ran a sub-2:15 800m and won Nationals I had to get an earring, so I got this two weeks ago.  Most people haven't commented; they just think I've had it for years and that they never noticed before."
  
• Photo 39  Joseph Kozusko, Roland Soong and Laura Lee Kozusko all promise Etsuko Kizawa that they will stop by Soy every time they're back in New York, but they all refuse to take any of the baloons home with them.
  
• Further pictures, and some very long videos, are availble on Neeraj Engineer's site.

To close this particular chapter, the honored guest has composed a few words that he did not get to deliver on this occasion.

The most immediate question was whether I knew about the surprise party beforehand.  Well, something was not right because I sure hadn't publicized my plans on the website and yet people like Irene Jackson-Schon (Taos, New Mexico) and Charles Allard Jr. (Tokyo, Japan) were writing in.  Ergo, someone was circulating email behind my back, but I still had not idea which direction the 'attack' would be coming from.  Toby Tanser had been hassling me to do breakfast going back many years and I had always declined on the grounds that I would have to wake up to do so.  Therefore, his most recent offer of switching to lunch this Saturday was not entirely implausible.  But it got really implausible when, due to the many traffic mishaps, Toby was plainly lost and could not pinpoint where we need to go to ("... well, we need to get to Soy first and then...").  And then we turned around the corner and I saw the window of Soy covered with orange balloons ... hmmm ... rocket science, this isn't ... Surprised or not, I felt quite honored that people would waste their time doing this for me.

Personally, I do not consider this to be leave-taking.  I am heading to Hong Kong to assume the role of care-giver for my mother.  I will hold my same job that I had in New York City, as I will deal with the same Latin Americans that I never meet anyway.  I will keep my apartment in New York City as I have no intention of dealing either with the co-op board or the possible 'sub-lease tenant from Hell.'  You will in fact see me quite often in the future.  For example, I will be in town for a full month around the New York City Marathon.

I was asked today how the website got started.  This simplest summary plot is, "The anarchists just went ahead on their own and seized control of the means of production."  The website does not have formal job requirements or specifications emanating from the executive board of directors.  I simply did what I feel was good within the means that I have (very little), accepting the feedback that come in (quite a lot).  Just as all of you would not be running now if you do not enjoy it, I enjoyed what I did.  Along the way, it so happened that the website grew in popularity.  As of last month, we are getting 1,500 user sessions per day (more than 500,000 per year) here, which is an absurdly high number for a club with a membership roster of 200 (plus or minus a couple hundred). 

Of the many myths about this website, there is the one that the website is what attracted runners to this team.  While it is true that I can claim that we caught our greatest runner in the Internet age --- Toby Tanser --- through the website, this is far from being the whole story.  The reality is that we still rely heavily on grassroots recruiting.  Thus, from Fireman John Gleason came Margaret Angell, who got Margaret Schotte and Ali Rosenthal, and we then had a key part of our open women champion team last year.  From Sid Howard, we found Alston Brown, Clinton Bell, Jim Sutton and company because he was willing to talk to anyone and everyone at the meets.  And then we have Devon Martin who cross-referenced the Colombia University track record holders with the Columbia alumni directory and contacted every single one of them so that we now have Evan Zeisel, David Epstein, Amerigo Rossi, Mike Grant and company.  This website is only a passive recruiter, but all of you can be active recruiters.  And the website does make the club more appealing to the new recruits, most of the time.

As for the future of the website, the primary responsibility of maintenance will be handed over to Jesse Lansner in the month of May.  In fact, the maintenance of the website has been co-shared since January of this year and not too many people may have noticed.  In the past, this website has been driven by force of personality to some degree, and it will now have a different personality, which is neither better nor worse, but it will be different.  Those of you who are accustomed to one thing may not like something else.  But this club was founded by three long-haired hippie lawyers (David Blackstone, Frank Handelman and Jack Brennan) and this website began when anarchists took over on their own intiative.  So if you don't like it, you can seize the means of production yourself!  Sitting back to whine is not an option!

Among my potential legacies is this one --- you can make Etsuko Kizawa's Soy restaurant your wholesome, healty restaurant of choice.  It is not that far away from the East River Track so this is an easy venue for a light post-workout meal.  And you can make it to the Wall of Fame too!  Can you find Sid Howard?

Among his many preparations for this party, Toby Tanser assembled tributes to Roland from various club members.  These were presented to Roland at the party, and are now available here.