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#400. WHO: Scott Willett
SUBJECT: The extremely coincidences wherein many of his ex-dates
went on to become famous ultra-athletes (100K running champion,
USATF ultra-running award winner, cross-channel record-setting swimmer,
etc).
WHAT HE SAID: "After a couple of dates with me, they quickly
saw the impossibility of any relationship and they were therefore
able to concentrate on training extensively thereafter."
POST SCRIPT: Scott Willett claimed that he
was misquoted. Instead, he said what he really said was that
after a couple of dates with him, these women regarded the rigors
of ultra-training as being infinitely less painful.
COMMENT: Did we forget to mention that Scott received a copy of
Marquis de Sade's Justine/The Bedroom Philosophy as
his Christmas present?
#399. WHO: Ellen Wallop
WHEN: Snowflake Run 1999
WHAT SHE SAID: "To show you how bad things are now, I let someone
40 pounds heavier and wearing a Walkman beat me today."
COMMENT: But she also emphasized that she made it a point to pass
a couple of other people wearing other teams' uniforms.
#398. WHO: Kim Mannen
WHEN: Snowflake Run, 1999
SITUATION: At the turn on the west side, someone elbowed Kim and
she elbowed back and said ...
WHAT SHE SAID: "Oh, I'm sorry." (please add insincere
inflection according to taste)
COMMENT: Welcome to New York!
#397. WHO: Colin Frew
SUBJECT: Valentine's Day 5K, 1999
TO WHOM: Carsten Strandlod
WHAT HE SAID: "When you passed me at the top of the hill, you
didn't even have any words of encouragement."
THE RESPONSE: "I was completely out of breath. Did you
think that I was able to say anything?"
HISTORICAL NOTE: When Candy Strobach passed George Wisniewski
at a Club Championship race circa 1990, she did not say anything
either --- she merely spit, causing George to instruct, "Save
that for later. You might need it."
#396. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SUBJECT: The appearance of a certain individual, who was obviously
not doing any serious running (and his name is not David Pullman),
at the February 16th, 1999 workout at the Armory.
WHAT SHE SAID: "I think the only reason the guy shows up is
to persecute me with his photo-taking."
EVIDENCE: Video clip captured
and published the previous week
#395. WHO: Aubin Sullivan
SUBJECT: The February 9th, 1999 indoor track workout
WHAT SHE SAID: "This was absolutely the worst workout I ever
had."
DEEP BACKGROUND: Why? It was not the track, it was not the
foul air, it was not the congestion, it was not the workout, it
was not the coach, it was not the teammates and Nathan wasn't even
there. It was the cup cake that Ross Galitsky gave
her to eat one hour before the workout. Aubin added, "Please
print that on the web site so that Ross can read it."
We can visualize Ross reading this and saying, "Moi?"
POSTSCRIPT: After reading the above, Ross said to Aubin, "I'll
never feed you another cup cake. Never ever!" And
Aubin said to us, "I can't believe that you would print that
I asked for the incident to be published!"
#394. WHO. David Blackstone
SUBJECT: This web site.
WHAT HE SAID: "I have been looking around at other running
club web sites, and ours is the best I have seen."
COMMENT #1: Maybe. But it does not make us feel any better,
because it only confirms that we have no life outside of this ...
COMMENT #2: Ah! You just gave away your trade secrets.
Rule # 1: To run a good running club web site, the webmaster must
have no life.
#393. WHO: Aubin Sullivan
SUBJECT: In response to fellow triathlete Josh Friedman about
what her strongest event is.
WHAT SHE SAID: "When I started out, I was strongest in swimming
because I swam all the time. Then I think I got better in
the biking. My running was really terrible, so I started to
run. Now I am really not sure."
COMMENT: All denials (see example)
that triathletes do not over-intellectualize are false.
#392. WHO: Margarita Cabrera
WHEN: Thursday workout after the Al Gordon 5 Miler
SUBJECT: Photophobia
WHAT SHE ASKED: "So did you publish the photo of me hiding
behind the garbage can when I saw your camera?"
ANSWER: "So far, no. But that doesn't mean that the photo
isn't out there somewhere." In fact, recently, one club
member accidentally found previously unpublished photos of herself
coming out of the bathroom.
#391. WHO: Peter Gambaccini
WHERE/WHEN: Central Park Track Club 20th Anniversary Special Issue,
1992
SUBJECT: John Kenney
WHAT HE WROTE: "Being a dad hasn't slowed John down at all;
he runs, has a job, parents three small kids and still has a [formerly]
secret life as a crazed writer of political diatribes."
#390. WHO: Stacy Creamer
SUBJECT: Her sudden lack of energy at the Lucky Seven-Mile Reversible
on February 7th, 1999, possibly due to running too much the day
before
WHAT SHE SAID: "I didn't mean to run so much."
COMMENT: Okay, can you name someone (note: except Alan Ruben)
who meant to run too much on the day before a race, especially when
the person is the defending champion?
#389. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
TO WHOM: Tyronne Culpepper
WHEN: February 7th, 1999 morning
WHAT SHE SAID: "We can't go on meeting like this."
BACKGROUND: Audrey and Tyronne had arranged to meet at 930am at
the East 90th Street entrance to the park. At 940pm, Tyronne
sauntered up to two teammates at East 95th Street and explained
his appointment. One teammate said, "I don't get it.
You ask her to be at a specific place at a specific time.
Then you show up somewhere else. And all you have to say is,
'I hope she knows to come in this direction'???" The
upshot is that Audrey finally located Tyronne at West 91st Street
half an hour later when she said the words above.
HISTORY: Previously, on another occasion, Audrey showed up late
for a meeting with this explanation, "Tyronne, I heard that
you are one of those people who arrive late. That was why
I deliberately came 15 minutes late."
PREDICTION: Audrey and Tyronne will continue to meet like this.
The name of this game is called "Hide and Seek."
Have you ever heard of it? It really isn't very hard once
you understand the character of the other player. Here is
the all-important Rule # 1 --- never show up where you agreed to
be; instead show up where he/she is likely to be.
#388. WHO: Ramon Bermo
SUBJECT: An extraordinary performance by a teammate
WHAT HE SAID: "You must be taking asteroids."
COMMENT: Yes, that is how you get to be able to run faster than
a comet, become more powerful than all the dinosaurs that you made
extinct and leap supergalaxy clusters in a single bound ...
ADDENDUM: Ramon said, "You will never run out of things to
publish while I am around."
#387. WHO: Unknown person at the Armory, overheard
by Mel Washington
WHEN: February 2nd, 1999 indoor workout
SUBJECT: Bola Awofeso in his sleeveless, body-hugging shirt
WHAT HE SAID: "Wow! This guy looks like a black Rambo."
COMMENT: Yo, Bola, I didn't know you couldn't put two sentences
together.
#386. WHO: Paul-Stuart Smith
SITUATION: Paul was asked if he likes soccer.
WHAT HE SAID: "I'm a Glenn Hoddle fan."
COMMENT # 1: Sorry, Paul, this club cannot afford to hire a faith-healer,
either.
COMMENT # 2: So, Paul, the reason why I am not a good runner is
because of something I did in my past life?
#385. WHO: Ramon Bermo
SITUATION: After the January 28th, 1999 workout, he was telling
people that he was going to swim tomorrow. When he saw that
everyone was looking behind him and smirking, he turned around and
saw someone who is likely to publish that fact the next day, he
changed his tune immediately.
WHAT HE SAID: "Did I say swimming? No, I really meant
that I was going to wash my car tomorrow ..."
POSTSCRIPT: So what actually happened? Here is an eyewitness
report on the car washing episode: "A very speedy washer indeed.
As any true runner would do, Ramon did intervals while 'rinsing(?)'.
His thorough wash included 4 x 300's and many 50's. All were
impressed at how quickly he finished the job, especially since he
was the last into....oops...I mean 'to turn on' the water."
#384. WHO: Scott Willett (triathlete)
WHEN: January 28th, 1999 road workout
WHAT HE SAID: "It was nice to put on an orange jacket and try
to see what real runners do. Unfortunately, I will never
be able to enjoy this unless there is a swim and a bike race beforehand."
#383. WHO: Herbie Medina
WHEN: February 2nd, 1999
WHERE: The Armory
SITUATION: After a series of what he considered to be misquotations,
he yelled:
WHAT HE SAID: "I have a big whopper. PUBLISH THAT!"
COMMENT: Truth or dare ...
#382. WHO: Brian Barry
WHAT HE ASKED: "At the road workouts, if I bomb out after three
or four miles, can I just go home?"
RESPONSE: Of course you can. But there are also a lot of shortcuts
that you can take ...
#381. WHO: Nathan Klejman
WHEN: February 2nd, 1999, being the occasion of his first indoor
workout for quite some time
WHAT HE SAID: "Who is a slow runner in this group? I
have to find someone to run with."
#380. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: January 26th, 1999, when he was observed to be running his
personal workout afterwards
WHAT HE SAID: "It's not all about competition, it's about staying
healthy. Try to do a little something everyday to stay in
shape and stay healthy."
#379. WHO: Carsten Strandlod
SUBJECT: 1999 Super Bowl prediction
WHAT HE SAID: "Atlanta will win the Super Bowl when a Dane
kicks a field goal with seconds left in the game."
COMMENT: You should never let your personal preferences sway your
evaluation of objective realities.
#378. WHO: Sid Howard
SUBJECT: His performance (29:22, 2nd in age group) at the Season
Opener Five Miler, January 5th, 1992
WHAT HE SAID: "I haven't died like that in ages."
COMMENT: ... and he keeps dying and dying and dying ...
#377. WHO: Brian Denman
SUBJECT: Sprint workouts
WHAT HE SAID: "It's supposed to hurt!"
#376. WHO: Ramon Bermo
WHAT HE SENT: 
WHAT HE WROTE: "It's not 20,000 but it's a nice round number....."
COMMENT: A round number? Huh? Webster's Dictionary says:
"Expressed in even units, as tens, hundreds, thousands, etc.,
rather than exactly (500 is a round number for 498, 503, etc.)."
#375. WHO: Mary Rosado / Herbie Medina
WHEN: January 19th, 1999
WHERE: The Armory
WHAT SHE SAID: "Herbie, when are you going to rejoin the Central
Park Track Club?"
WHAT HE SAID: "When Mary V. Rosado becomes the club
president."
COMMENT #1: They are joking ... we think ...
COMMENT #2: They are joking ... we pray ...
#374. WHO: Michael Trunkes
SUBJECT: Whether or not he would be running in the 1999 Northwind
10K.
WHAT HE SAID: "Well, I'm going to be teaching snowboarding
upstate that weekend. But of course, I don't do anything crazy."
COMMENT # 1: Isn't snowboarding crazy by definition?
COMMENT # 2: Stacy Creamer said, "The idea that Michael
Trunkes would be doing anything tame does not match his image."
#373. WHO: Paul Stuart-Smith / Stuart
Calderwood
WHEN: January 12th, 1999, three days after Paul's victory in the
Frostbite 10 mile 'fun' run.
SITUATION: They were watching the legendary Gary Muhrcke
doing the indoor track workout in the Armory. The winner
of the inaugural New York City Marathon, Gary was supposed to have
gone undefeated inside Central Park for a couple of years.
WHAT PAUL SAID: "At least, I am undefeated this year in the
park."
WHAT STUART SAID: "Me too. (deliberately timed pause
for reflection). I haven't race yet this year."
ADDENDUM: A third party chimed in, "Me too, for the same reason.
And I'll make sure that I keep my streak intact by not racing at
all this year."
#372. WHO: David Pullman
WHEN: December 17th, 1998
WHERE: New York Post, Business section, p.46
WHAT HE SAID: "On Wall Street, if you don't do anything in
a year, you're a loser, you're out."
COMMENT: Okay, people, will each one of you please explain what
you have done for the club in the past year and why you are not
a loser?
#371. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: When there are 30 people running at the indoor 200m track
at the Armory, things can get crowded as the faster people pass
the slower ones. In a workout, Jud caught up to a slower teammate,
put his hand on his back and asked:
WHAT HE SAID: "Need a boost?"
COMMENT: Jud provides other types of services too (see evidence)
#370. WHO: Eve Kaplan
SUBJECT: Her enthusiasm in wading through the ankle-deep rain puddles
at the 1999 Fred Lebow Classic
WHAT SHE SAID: "If it weren't for some unknown guy behind me
yelling 'Geronimo!' as we sloshed through every puddle, I might
not have been as excited as I was."
#369. WHO: Carsten Strandlod
SITUATION: At the January 7th, 1999 road workout, Carsten was observed
to be standing on the roadside stretching his legs. By way
of explanation, he said the following.
WHAT HE SAID: "No, I haven't joined the Fasil Yilma
school of training. This is my first workout since my injury
at the New York City Marathon, and there is no need to be macho.
I leave that macho stuff to that (name withheld). After all,
he is the European Latino on the club."
#368. WHO: Ross Galitsky
SITUATION: At the January 7th, 1999 road workout, Ross made a move
in the middle of the workout that surprised his running partners.
After all, by his own account, this man was not supposed to be a
runner. The very humble Ross had this explanation about his
newfound speed.
WHAT HE SAID: (please use your imagination to add the appropriate
spice of accent) "I ate a lot of asparagus and mushrooms."
ADDENDUM: Stacy Creamer said, "I must have sucked in
a lot of that mushroom dust behind him."
#367. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SITUATION: The fact that the race results for all Central Park Track
Club members are meticulously researched and reported on this web
site can be either a blessing or a curse, depending on one's inclinations.
When a prospective member indicated that he was relucant to join
the club because he sometimes run races for fun and would prefer
not to have those times listed, here was Audrey's response.
WHAT SHE SAID: "You know, we can still do that even if you
don't join the club."
COMMENT: Which section of the Central Park Track Club Recruiter's
Manual did that come from? Was that the long chapter under
the title 'Coercion'?
#366. WHO: Paul Stuart-Smith / Eden Weiss
WHEN: Indoor track workout of January 5th, 1999 (Tuesdsay) at the
Armory
WHAT PAUL SAID: "A few more workouts like this one, I'll be
dead."
WHAT EDEN SAID: "I wouldn't mind being dead if I can run as
fast as you do."
POSTSCRIPT: After that deadly workout, Paul would go on to win the
Frostbite 10 Miler on Saturday. Yes, there is life after death
...
#365. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: The coach's Christmas present to all those brave souls
who showed up for a 1998 Christmas Eve road workout, which had three
one-mile pickups in the middle.
WHAT HE SAID: "I am here to hurt you!"
#364. WHO: Colin Frew
SITUATION: Colin got an age-group award for showing up at the 1998
Fred Lebow Classic, held in a driving cold rainstorm (2.42 inches
of rain recorded in Central Park that morning)
WHAT HE SAID: "I guess I will look to do the races when there
are snow/rain storms and the competition stays away!"
HISTORICAL NOTE: In the 1996
Fred Lebow Classic, Suzanne Rohr and Laura Miller
of the Central Park Track Club finished 1-3 in the midst of the
"Blizzard of the Century" in New York City.
#363. WHO: Raphael Devalle
SUBJECT: The indoor track workouts
WHAT HE SAID: "I usually feel very good right after the workout.
It is just that I have trouble walking the next day."
#362. WHO: Roland Soong
WHEN: December 22nd, 1998 indoor track workout
WHERE: The Armory
TO WHOM: Frank Handelman, who was looking at the race result
sheets posted on the wall.
WHAT HE SAID: "Frank, you are a bit too old to be listed in
these PSAL race results."
#361. WHO: Jud Santos / Bola Awofeso
/ Julie Denney
WHEN: December 22nd, 1998 indoor track workout at the Armory
SUBJECT: Teamwork
Jud Santos: "Bola, you are too fast for the slowest
group."
Bola Awofeso: "No, I am just pacing them. They
like it."
Julie Denney: "Yeah, it's okay. He is so far ahead
that we can't even see him."
#360. WHO: Josh Friedman
SUBJECT: His listing as one of the top 10 most frequent visitors
to this web site in December 1998
WHAT HE SAID: "How do you know that it was me? Did you
check?"
COMMENT: Did you really think we check our facts? Fact-checking
would have interfered with our publication schedule and diminished
the entertainment value.
#359. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: December 24th, 1998 (Christmas Eve) road workout
WHAT SHE SAID: "What did you expect me to do? Go to a
movie? Eat Chinese food?"
COMMENT: These are not necessarily bad ideas, you know ...
#358. WHO: Brian Marchese
WHEN: December 24th, 1998 road workout
TO WHOM: Roland Soong
WHAT HE SAID: "Are you here to count the losers?"
COMMENT: Yes, beginning with you ... (For the record, the
roll call of the fourteen people who showed up on Christmas Eve
was: Bola Awofeso, Blair Boyer, Stuart Calderwood, Stacy Creamer,
Tyronne Culpepper, Rafael Devalle, Jonathan Federman, Josh Friedman,
Audrey Kingsley, Richard Kixmiller, Brian Marchese, Tony Ruiz,
Roland Soong and a new guy named Sam (friend of Richard))
#357. WHO: David Pullman
SUBJECT: Admissions procedure at the Armory indoor track facility
WHAT HE SAID: "It is unfortunate that they are now using photo
IDs instead of just checking a list of names. Last year, even
though I was on the list, I had a lot of fun using someone else's
name instead."
COMMENT: We all want to be Sid Howard.
David Pullman, again: "The photo.
Do I have to find a booth somewhere to get one?"
Answer: "No. We have seen Frank Handelman's photo
ID and the photo had an ocean in the background --- it was just
a snapshot taken at a beach!"
#355. WHO: Jose Lasalle
SUBJECT: A track workout was scheduled during the week between Christmas
and New Year's Day in 1998 for all the people who have no other
life.
WHAT HE SAID: "You mean people like me?"
ANSWER: Yes, since you offered to say so yourself.
#354. WHO: Noah Perlis
SUBJECT: Proposed business plan for the Central Park Track Club
web site
WHAT HE SAID: "I have this idea. You will take photos
of people and we will show them the pictures and threaten to publish
them if they don't pay up."
COMMENT # 1: We thought we were already doing that. Where
has he been?
COMMENT # 2: Better yet, we don't even have to take pictures.
We will make up quotations and threaten to publish them if they
don't pay up ... (footnote: Noah obviously did not pay up ...)
#353. WHO: Victor Osayi
WHEN: December 22nd, 1998 indoor track workout at The Armory
SITUATION: Upon hearing that the track guys were looking for a Masters
quartermiler for a relay team, Roland Soong went up to Victor
Osayi and said, "Victor, I've just volunteered you for
the track team. Go over and talk to them!" At the
end of the tough sprint workout, Victor came back and said
WHAT HE SAID (SLOWLY AND EMPHATICALLY): "YOU SET ME UP, MAN!
YOU SET ME UP!"
COMMENT # 1: If Victor can do 100m-200m-400m-mile in a single meet,
this is surely nothing.
COMMENT # 2: Victor, you can always just say no, like Tyronne
Culpepper.
#352: WHO: Bola Awofeso
WHEN: Holiday 15K Run, December 20th, 1998
WHAT HE SAID: "Did Eve (Kaplan) come by yet?
She would be hard to miss, because she is the only one who
is throwing practice punches while she runs ..."
POSTSCRIPT: Eve Kaplan said, "I didn't even say anything
and I end up on the Famous Sayings page."
#351. WHO: Stacy Creamer
TOPIC: Public safety in Central Park, New York City
WHAT SHE SAID: "There are so many cops in the park that you
can't even find a secluded spot in the bushes anymore."
#350. WHO: Karel Matousek
WHEN: Philadelphia Distance Run 1998, at which he ran 1:49:53.
SITUATION: Thomas Pennell asked him, "Karel, how was
your race?"
WHAT KAREL SAID:"Can't we think of something more interesting
to talk about?"
#349. WHO: Dave Blackstone
/ Michele Tagliati
WHEN: The 1998 Holiday 4 Mile race
WHAT MICHELE SAID: "I finished ninth in my age group and got
nothing. If only I were 40 years old, then I would have been
third in the age group."
WHAT DAVE SAID: "Take my advice. Don't get old."
COMMENT: We are confused as to what we should do ... (REBUTTAL:
Do you have a choice in this matter?)
#348. WHO: Ann Snoeyenbos
WHEN: The 1998 Holiday 15K race
SITUATION: Ann was observed to be wearing elbow and knee pads.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Running is a dangerous sport."
COMMENT: Yeah, we know, there are all these cyclists on the road
...
#347. WHO: Tyronne Culpepper
SITUATION: On the first time that J.P. Cheuvront came back
after winning the Delaware Marathon, Tyronne went up to pay hommage.
When J.P. demurred, Tyronne said:
WHAT HE SAID: "Anyone who wins hardware is my hero."
COMMENT: Everybody else, please trot out those 15-year-old seventh-place
age-group awards from out-of-town races and get in line to receive
tribute from Tyronne.
#346. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: Triathlete J.P. Cheuvront, who won the Delaware
Marathon
WHAT HE SAID: "I didn't think he was a real runner."
COMMENT # 1: Neither did the guy himself ...
COMMENT # 2: ... nor his friends (especially his fellow triathletes).
#345. WHO: Brian Denman
WHEN: Tuesday, December 14th, 1998
WHERE: The Armory
SUBJECT: Explanation of sprinters' track workout, with some 800m's
thrown in
WHAT HE SAID: "You can't always train for speed!"
#344. WHO: Margarita Cabrera
SUBJECT: The reason why she wasn't at the workout last week
WHAT SHE SAID: "I got married over the weekend."
COMMENT # 1: What kind of excuse is that?
POSTLUDE: After Margarita saw this, she said "It's even true."
Yes, but don't use this one too often.
#343. WHO: J.P. Cheuvront
SUBJECT: Post-marathon recovery, after winning the 1998 Delaware
Marathon
WHAT HE SAID: "I'll see you when I am able to walk again."
COMMENT: Now that sounds really serious, doesn't it? As it
turns out, our Global Surveillance System (TM) came across J.P.
attending a Christmas party and talking his head off (see supporting
evidence). We know that if it were Fritz
Mueller, he would be doing repeats up Cat Hill instead.
Yes, baby, we have come a long way ...
#342. WHO: Blair Boyer
SUBJECT: Cross-training during the Christmas shopping season
WHAT HE SAID: "I plan to stand in the FAO Schwartz line
to get in some mental toughness training which I can always use
help with."
#341. WHO: Scott Willett
SUBJECT: New Year's resolution for 1999
WHAT HE SAID: "I am going to get Roland Soong to go
into a swimming pool."
COMMENT: Yes, he is highly ambitious and likes to chase the impossible
dream. Will someone please give him the name of the patron
saint of lost causes?
POSTLUDE:
Ramon Bermo: "Roland, why don't you just get into the
swimming pool?"
Roland Soong: "After everything I have done to him,
I am afraid that once I get in, he'll never let me get out."
#340. WHO: Luca Trovato / Bola Awofeso
WHEN: Joe Kleinerman 10K, December 13th, 1998
SITUATION: Tyronne Culpepper finished just a couple of steps
behind teammate Victor Osayi in this race. He blamed
his loss on what those two guys said to Victor about 600m from the
finish.
WHAT THEY SAID: "Go, Victor. Kick! Kick!
Tyronne is right behind you!"
Tyronne wrote: "Victor told me afterwards that
we are now even. How so? At the Frostbite 10 Miler in
January this year, the situation was reversed. I was ahead
at 86th Street and Stacy Creamer yelled 'Go, Tyronne!' and
then 'Go, Victor!' immediately afterwards. So I knew he was
right behind. I let him pass and then blew
by him again."
#339. WHO: Jonathan Wells
WHAT HE WROTE: "I've noticed that you devote more than 68%
your web space to non-runner (aka triathletes) memebers of your
club. Is it the CPT(rack)C or the CPT(riathlon)C?"
POSTLUDE: We did not understand the cited statistic,
and we asked, "For the last two hours, we have been going through
various configurations and allocations in order to come up with
your 68% estimate. We have finally come to the conclusion that you
are very much overstating your case. Please explain yourself, or
risk a retaliatory nuclear attack ..."
ANSWER: "Some quick math:
number of times Galitsky, Willett, Cheuvront,
& Bermo are mentioned = 31%
number of video stills of Willett=23%
number of times non-runner is mentioned
X 115kb = 3%
number of times triathlete is mentioned=11%.
Obviously, I did not count the number of kilobytes on your website
with a stop watch. I used, as most web masters know, the ubiquitous
DesQuotation ByteMeter."
COMMENT: Obviously, you chose to ignore the crucial fact: every
and any mention of these people is derogatory in nature.
QUESTION: This page is supposed to be devoted to
the sayings of Central Park Track Club people. On the latest
(or any roster, for that matter) roster, I do not see the name Jonathan
Wells. Please explain why he gets the air space.
ANSWER: Yes.
#338. WHO: Mary Spera (Millrose)
WHEN: Awards ceremony, Joe Kleinerman 10K, December 13th, 1998
TO WHOM: Audrey Kingsley
WHAT SHE SAID: "Audrey, did you bring your cellular phone?"
EXPLANATION: Audrey became world-famous on account of a photo of
her with a cellular phone. As we have promised,
this page is dedicated to immortalizing the sayings of Central Park
Track Club people. It is obviously working, perhaps (too well)
for Audrey ...
#337. WHO: Luca Trovato
WHEN: Joe Kleinerman 10K, December 13th, 1998, in which Carmine
Petracca set a PR while wearing the club singlet for the first
time.
WHAT HE SAID: "The reason that Carmine set a PR was because
he wore the team singlet."
COMMENT: The technical term is 'spurious correlation."
#336. WHO: Bola Awofeso
WHEN: Thursday workout, December 10th, 1998
SITUATION: Upon hearing that the workout would involve two northern
hill loops, stopping at West 102nd Street.
WHAT HE SAID: "I love this workout. It stops right at
my doorstep. I won't have to go to the statue and then come
back."
#335. WHO: Michele Tagliati
WHEN: Turkey Classic 5 Miler, 1998
SUBJECT: Race progress report
WHAT HE SAID: "I went through the first mile in about 5:40.
My friend Carmine Petracca was only 30 meters ahead.
I thought I was doing great, until I saw 12-year-old Lindsey
Scherf running effortlessly ahead of me."
#334. WHO: J.P. Cheuvront
SUBJECT: Religious wars between runners and triathletes
WHAT HE SAID: "Contrary to my training partners' and the CPTC
newsletter's claims, I am not a runner. Runners like Ramon,
Alan, Tony, Jud, Audrey, etc, etc, are nice, mild-mannered, polite
runners. I am clearly a triathlete --- I'll knock you down
getting to the food."
#333. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: Annual Awards Party 1998
WHAT SHE SAID: "I haven't visited the web site for the
last 3 days. Tell me, have we reached the 20,000th visitor
mark yet? Did I miss my chance?"
COMMENT: You still have a chance, but you will have to step over
the dead body of Ramon Bermo first ...
#332. WHO: The Central Park Track Club home page
WHEN: Just before the 1998 Annual Awards Dinner
SUBJECT: Hot Tips
WHAT WAS POSTED: "Cut in front of the triathletes at the food
line of the buffet. If you are behind them, there won't be
anything left (see Scott
Willett's double-decker serving last year)."
COMMENT: This year, there was leftover
food in fact. Why? Scott Willett was
out of town attending some trigeek coaches' conference (namely,
the USAT Coaches Certification Clinic ), and J.P. Cheuvront was
busy winning the Delaware Marathon.
#331. WHO: Fritz Mueller / Roland Soong
WHEN: December 3rd, 1998 Thursday road workout
Fritz Mueller: "I haven't paid for the Club Awards Dinner
this Saturday yet. So I guess I'll have to bring a check."
Roland Soong: "Fritz, you are in the Central Park Track
Club Hall of Fame! Do you think that they charge Mickey
Mantle admission fee to the Baseball Hall of Fame? Do
you think that they charge Elvis Preseley admission fee to
the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame? What are they going to do?
Turn you away at the door?"
#330. WHO: Michael Trunkes
WHEN: December 3rd, 1998 Thursday road workout, after a particular
grueling 7.5 mile tempo run
WHAT HE SAID: "The days of doing track on Tuesday and running
road on Thursday are over for me."
#329. WHO: Fritz Mueller
WHEN: December 3rd, 1998 Thursday road workout
SITUATION: Fritz showed up at the workout wearing a t-shirt that
read, "The Emerald Marathon, Seattle, Washington, March 27,
1983." His teammate had never heard of this race before
and asked, "What was that?"
WHAT FRITZ SAID: "2:26."
COMMENT: Spoken like a true runner, who has memorized the race time
for each t-shirt ...
#328. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: November 19th, 1998 road workout
SITUATION: After describing the workout, Coach Tony Ruiz
was barraged by the most important question: "What is the distance
of the workout?" because people needed to know what to put
into their running logbooks.
WHAT HE SAID: "A lot of distance."
COMMENT: Hey, do you expect me to put that down in my running log?
#327. WHO: Aubin Sullivan
WHEN: Tuesday workout, December 1st, 1998
SITUATION: Aubin showed up after the workout on her bicycle.
WHAT SHE SAID: "I can't run because I tore a ligament when
I stepped on the leaf-covered gutter near the Seventh Avenue exit
from the Park."
COMMENT: Everybody else pay attention to that spot. This has been
a public service announcement.
#326. WHO: Ramon Bermo
SUBJECT: His neutrality in a flame war between a triathlete and
a runner
WHAT HE WROTE: "Gentlemen, for obvious reasons, I can't be
taking sides with either one of you. Still, I would like to
be kept informed about any future developments in the situation."
COMMENT: Curiosity kills.
QUERY: What are the so-called obvious reasons?
ANSWER: Ramon coaches one of them. As for the other one, it
seems that this person controls the information flowing from this
web site. (Someone pointed out that; more importantly, this
person is empowered to reset the visitor counter at will and therefore
can have a major impact on Ramon's ability to grab the milestones)
#325. WHO: Ross Galitsky
WHEN: Road workout, December 1st, 1998
SITUATION: Ross went by before the start of the workout and asked
the coach, "Are there any hills in this workout?"
When told that the workout would be done on the totally flat reservoir
path, Ross said:
WHAT HE SAID: "I can't do this workout. It would be too
difficult for me."
COMMENT: Huh? Can you please explain?
#324. WHO: Bola Awofeso
SUBJECT: Team support at the Philadelphia Marathon, 1998
WHAT HE SAID: "What kept me going was the thought of Carsten
Strandlod and Adam Bleifeld asking me over and over and
over again if I was going to finish this one, given my DNF in San
Diego earlier this year. I felt I had to show them something."
COMMENT: Did those two guys know that their little sadistic acts
would have such positive consequences?
#323. WHO: Jeff Kisseloff
SITUATION: In the New York Times Sunday (11/29/98), Jeff
contributed an article on page 33 of the Arts & Leisure Section.
The title of the article was ...
WHAT HE WROTE: "In the Beginning, There was Risk Taking"
COMMENT: Jeff was writing about the pioneers of television, not
about his bold start at the Fifth Avenue Mile ...
#322. WHO: Scott Willett
WHEN: NYU Triathlon Club e-mail, subject: Buns of Steel, November
25th, 1998, 18:15:16
WHAT HE WROTE: "For tips on how to do the 'Donkey Kick'
listed in the NYU TRICLUB Strength Training Plan - Foundation Phase,
please visit http://www.coolrunning.com/training/exercise.shtml.
Roland, please visit the site soon(g). The next exercise of the
month is the calf raise. Since you seem to thrive in the opposite,
perhaps you will learn how to stretch your calves. Do I see a heel
touchdown in your future, Mr.TippyToes?"
COMMENT: We are not amused, because the insertion of private jokes
in training instructions is highly unprofessional, especially from
someone who claims his middle name is "I have no life outside
the TRICLUB".
#321. WHO: Michele Tagliati
SUBJECT: The new home page design introduced on Thanksgiving Day
1998
WHAT HE WROTE: "I like the new format!
Lean and efficient, with a synoptic view of all the information
available grouped by topic."
#320. WHO: Ann Snoeyenbos,
NYU triathlete
WHEN: NYRRC Cross Country Championship Races, 1998
WHERE: Van Cortlandt Park
SUBJECT: The continued harassment of NYU triathletes on this web
site.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Leave my people alone!"
COMMENT: Yes, but only if your people do not keep sending pseudonymous
and/or annoymous e-mail to this web site ...
POSTLUDE: Dear Ann, I am trying,
I am trying, but your people won't let me alone. To show you
what I mean, I recently tried to ignore a barrage of e-messages
from someone using the name 'Kelly Brown'. Here is
the message that I got from 'him': "No
response is the most hurtful response!!!!!!!!! Your barbed silence
wounds me deeply."
#319. WHO: Michele Tagliati
SUBJECT: Withdrawal symptoms when there was no web coverage at the
1998 Turkey Classic
WHAT HE SAID: "A recurrent buzz was heard this morning in Central
Park: 'Where is the web site guy?' We have become a media-dependent
running club!"
COMMENT # 1: "Dr. Tagliati, please take an aspirin and call
me in the morning --- if you can." (from Roland Soong)
COMMENT # 2: "You know that an aspirin would be just a placebo."
(from Michele Tagliati)
COMMENT # 3: "I don't think an aspirin will do the trick.
He needs more like two sleeping pills and get some sleep!"
(from Luca Trovato)
COMMENT # 4: (Instant justice) "I finally paid the price for
that silly talk about web-site addiction, taking aspirins etc.,
as I spent last Sunday in bed with the flu instead of racing in
the Park. I won't disclose the number of aspirins I took to break
the fever that tortured me, but I'm glad I could follow the actions
of our teammates on the website." (from Michele Tagliati)
#318. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: Greed
WHEN: 1998 Turkey Classic 5 Mile Run, in which he finished 7th in
his age group and received a medal
WHAT HE SAID: "I'd rather have a PR (or a turkey) than a medal."
COMMENT # 1: Let it be stated for the record that he was forewarned
that those words would appear on this website. In fact, two
different observers filed identical reports.
COMMENT # 2: Some malicious person sent in the following observation:
"Jud's thinking is exactly the opposite of Audrey Kingsley,
whose hardware days are numbered since her age group advancement
occurs in a few more weeks." Hey, you little creep, Audrey
won $1000 at the New York City Marathon this year for being fifth
NYRRC female member, irrespective of age group! And her time
was more than 15 minutes faster than you! (yes, we can see those
fingers scurrying to the results page to figure who this unnamed
person is ...)
#317. WHO: Yumi Ogita
TOPIC: Her reaction to winning the Turkey Classic 5 Miler in Central
Park on November 22nd, 1998; also being the first time that she
broke 30 minutes for 5 miles
WHAT SHE SAID: "I was really surprised."
COMMENT: Unsurprised were the (male) teammates whom she has been
leaving in the dust at the workouts ...
#316. WHO: Jonathan Federman
TOPIC: Objective, dispassionate assessment of his performance at
the Rothman 8K in Philadelphia on November 22nd, 1998
WHAT HE WROTE: "The time is respectable, considering that I
woke up with a hangover and could barely see while driving to the
race"
COMMENT: Get that man off the road!
CLOSING STATEMENT OF JONATHAN'S E-MAIL: "I
guess I will see you Sunday at the 15K Cross Country race."
RESPONSE: "No, you won't see me at this 15K XC race (nor any
other one, for that matter)! Been there. Did that.
Ouch!"
#315. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: The NYRRC Cross Country Championships, November 15th, 1998
WHAT HE SAID: "I asked my teammates to kick my butt!
Please do! But still I finished in the fifth and last scoring
place on the team. What more can I do?"
COMMENT: We understand later that those words represent false humility.
Tony had done 17:30 on a walk the week before to win the New York
City Agencies 5K and was sure that he could be running 16:XX on
this day. Unfortunately, he ended up with 17:59 in a death
march, but still good to score for the team.
#314. WHO: Tyronne Culpepper
SITUATION: At the November 17th, 1998 road workout, coach Tony
Ruiz gave a 400m recovery jog from West 102nd Street to East
102nd Street in preparation for the next long 800m up to the Harlem
Hill. Not incidentally, this was uphill.
WHAT HE SAID: "Tony makes it seem as if he is doing us a favor."
#313. WHO: Casey Yamazaki
SUBJECT: The regular workout reports that we publish on this web
site, a typical example being: "On the last outdoor track workout
of November 17th 1998, it was drizzling very lightly, which made
it too slippery to run on the reservoir path. So the workout
was a modified track workout on the road. We headed north
and ran a mile from West 84th Street to West 102nd. Street.
We jog through the transverse to East 102nd Street. The first
hard set is a 400m from East 102nd Street to West 102nd Street.
We recover 200m to the middle of the transverse. The second
hard set is a 600m up to East 102nd Street and back down to West
102nd again. We recover 400m through the transverse to East
102nd Street. The third hard set is a 800m from East 102nd
Street to West 102nd Street, turn right and straight up to the top
of Harlem Hill. We recover downhill to Martin Luther King
Boulevard entrance to the park. The last hard set is the long
1000m up the east side to East 102nd Street and through the transverse
to West 102nd Street. Then we head home. Now that was
a mouthful, wasn't it? Someone was heard to mutter, 'Just
thinking about it gives me a headache!'"
WHAT HE SAID: "Do you memorize all those details?"
COMMENT: Why else would I show up at a workout?
POSTLUDE: At the next workout, after a complex workout
was described, Alan Ruben turned around and said, "Okay,
you can go home now that you have heard it. You should be
able to post the workout on the web site by 730pm."
POSTSCRIPT: We also have a number of vigilant copy
editors who pore over every word. For example, Stuart Calderwood
sent in this long correction for the preceding week: "Regarding
last night's speedwork: in your website description, not only did
you shortchange yourself on the length of the central Engineer's-Gate-to-cutoff
run--you called it 1,000 meters, and therefore must have been appalled
at your awful time, which was actually for what Tony called 1,200
meters and what I think is more like 1,275 meters--but you also
ran TOO MUCH SPEEDWORK! The prescription was for three final pickups
of 6, 4, and 2 lampposts, with 3-and 2-post recoveries after the
first two. You ran an extra 2 and 4 lampposts fast!
Who were you trying to catch? In this vein: the similar '1,200'
that we ran between the pumphouses last Tuesday was also long, by
about the same amount, and the mile that we did before that was
20 yards short. (I can't take credit for that one. It
used to be marked on the curb; the paint's been removed by the refurbishing
efforts, but I know where it was.) So, you ran both faster than
you thought you did and harder than you had to. Sounds like
a good companion motto to 'Citius, Altius, Fortius.'"
#311. WHO: David Walker
WHAT HE SAID: "I run the ultradistance races, because my job
does not allow me to train properly for the shorter distances."
COMMENT: We will let you figure out how that works.
#310. WHO: Ramon Bermo
WHEN: November 12th, 1998 road workout in Central Park
SUBJECT: How to improve the odds of the Open Men's Team versus the
Masters Men's Team at the NYRRC Cross Country Championships on Sunday
WHAT HE SAID: "Let's hope Alan Ruben can't find a babysitter."
COMMENT: The same Ramon Bermo just said a few minutes ago,
"I am not going in Sid's van with the web site guy, because
he is going to print everything I say." He did, and
he did.
#309. WHO: John Kenney
WHEN: November 10th, 1998 road workout in Central Park
SUBJECT: At this workout, Stuart Calderwood pulled
away strongly from the rest of the group only halfway into the workout.
WHAT HE SAID: "He's doing the horizon thing on us."
COMMENT: Stuart's enthusiasm tonight is explained in the next item
below.
#308. WHO: Stuart Calderwood
WHEN: November 10th, 1998 road workout in Central Park
SUBJECT: The absence of Alan Ruben, who is taking it easy
right after the New York City Marathon, thus temporarily handing
the mantle of 'Alpha Male' to Stuart.
WHAT HE SAID: "I'm living in a fantasy world right now."
#307. WHO: J.P. Cheuvront
SUBJECT: The Annual Club Awards Dinner Party on December 5th, 1998
WHAT HE SAID: "I thought I was going to get drunk with you.
Then I realized that I would be running the Delaware Marathon the
next morning. So I guess I won't be at the party."
COMMENT: Why should that stop him?
HISTORICAL FACT # 1: There was one time when the party ended at
4am, only because there was a scoring race in the park at 10am ...
HISTORICAL FACT # 2: Annoymous mail: "In 1996, new member
Victor Osayi danced and drank away at the Holiday Party,
then ran a 15-minute PR at the Sri Chinmoy Marathon the next morning
in 3:31:41. There is a standard to live up to!"
HISTORICAL FACT # 3: J.P. went on to win that race. He must
be doing something right.
#306. WHO: Stacy Creamer
SUBJECT: After outleaning two male teammates at the finish of a
tough 1200m pickup at the Central Park Reservoir on October 3rd,
1998
WHAT SHE SAID: "That was only because you let me."
COMMENT: It is called rubbing salt into the wound.
#305. WHO: Jonathan Wells
SUBJECT: The National Enquirer style of rumormongering
innuendos and/or Gestapo style of information extraction,
as practiced on this web site.
WHAT HE WROTE: "Your scorched-earth approach is a bit like
using a sledge hammer on a thumb tack."
QUERY: "Who is Jonathan Wells and why is he saying that?"
The answer to the first question is "Yes" and the answer
is to the second question is "For cause."
#304. WHO: Tyronne Culpepper
WHEN: November 5th, 1998 road workout, where the recovery jog after
a 1.5 mile run is from West 102nd Street to West 97th Street.
WHAT HE SAID: "I love these uphill recoveries."
COMMENT: Obviously, these words were spoken in a sarcastic tone.
#303. WHO: Sylvie Kimché
WHAT SHE SAID: "I ran seven and three-eights of a mile yesterday.
When your weekly mileage is as low as mine, those fractions are
really important."
#302. WHO: Eve Kaplan
WHAT SHE WROTE: "It's been a pleasure to read the web site,
even for a newcomer who doesn't get most of the jokes."
COMMENT: Don't feel bad, because the subjects of the jokes don't
get it most of the time. Actually, sometimes the writer doesn't
get it either.
#301. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: November 3rd, 1998 road workout
SUBJECT: His strategy for motivating the Open Men's team to perform
well at the upcoming NYRRC Cross Country Championship. The
idea was that he would hang back a little bit on the first mile,
then charge hard right after the bridge to spur everyone else on,
even at the cost of crashing himself.
WHAT HE SAID: "I'll be the dead meat, if need be."
COMMENT: Not one to mince his words.
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