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#200. WHO: Luca Trovato
WHEN: Thursday workout, July 9th, 1998
SITUATION: His first post-injury run with the club was a Thursday
road workout, and not a Tuesday track sprint workout (under the
aegis of Frank Schiro).
WHAT HE SAID: "Frank would be upset if he found out I did this."
COMMENT: Everybody reassured Luca that it was okay because
nobody is going to tell Frank.
#199. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: Thursday workout, July 9th, 1998
SITUATION: When asked whether she would be running the Bronx Half
Marathon on Sunday, she said resolutely:
WHAT SHE SAID: "I am not running the race. Do not pressure
me. Do not say that you are going to be disappointed.
I am not going to pick up the phone. I am not going to look
at my e-mail. Forget it!"
COMMENT # 1: We would be disappointed if she said anything less
forceful.
COMMENT # 2: We would be disappointed if she did not show up.
COMMENT # 3: We would be disappointed if she showed up.
COMMENT # 4: We would be disappointed if she did not also run the
5K on Saturday
COMMENT # 5: We would be disappointed if she did not check her e-mail.
COMMENT # 6: We would be disappointed if she did not read this page.
#198. SITUATION: At the track workout of July 7th,
1998, Aubin Sullivan was nursing a leg injury and sat in
the bleachers to watch the workout. She witnessed the following
scene:- a certain Central Park Track Club runner ran the first
100m of the last 300m sprint, stopped in disgust, headed for the
bleachers, sat down, picked up a copy of the New York Post
and began reading immediately.
WHAT WAS SAID: (Absolutely no words were exchanged. The only
sound was Aubin's laughter. Please note that it was never
stipulated that a famous saying must be verbal.)
#197. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Road workout of July 2nd, 1998
SITUATION: Tony was standing at the finishing point, thinking about
something unique and appropriate for each runner coming in.
This is what he said to Aubin Sullivan.
WHAT HE SAID: "Have elegance! Show us some elegance!"
# 196. WHO: Stefani Jackenthal
Situation: In the SundayStyles section of the June 28, 1998 edition
of The New York Times, an article by Ingrid Abramovitch contains
the following: "Stefani Jackenthal, an Upper West
Sider who is competing in the Hi-Tec race, hoped that by training
in and around New York she would gain a home-field edge.
Ms. Jackenthal, 31, who sports diamond studs and black Adidas trail-runners
with white mesh inserts that civilians won't be able to buy until
next year (she tests them for the company), spends a typical weekend biking
50 miles, paddling on the Hudson and carrying a 40-pound pack through
the Ramble in Central Park. While many of her friends have
moved to San Francisco or Denver, Ms. Jackenthal insists it is possible
to live as an adventure athlete in New York."
WHAT STEFANI SAID: "There's a pretty deep community of triathletes,
runners and cyclists. You can't believe how packed it is in
Central Park from 5:30 to 9 in the morning with runners, cyclists
and in-line skaters all fighting for space."
#195. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SITUATION: At the 1998 Lesbian & Gay Pride Run, Audrey was very
happy because this was the first race ever in which she managed
to record all the splits on her watch (6:25, 6:28, 6:49, 6:56, 6:23)
and she has been doing many, many races. This fact was promptly
published within hours on this web site.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Do you carry a tape recorder?"
COMMENT # 1: The Global Surveillance System (tm) sees all, hears
all and knows all.
COMMENT # 2: Audrey's finishing time is 33:01. Now if it takes
0.5 seconds to check and hit the splits each time, then she would
have been able to match or beat her PR of 32:59 if she did not wear
a watch at all. Audrey offers her personal counsel on this
subject: "The moral of the story is, don't get your splits
if is going to cost you a PR, or at least check your PR before the
race so you know to sprint your --- off when you see your finishing
time."
#194. WHO: Frank Schiro
WHEN: East River Track Workout, June 30th, 1998
SITUATION: Brian Marchese had just ran a 2:44 marathon in
Duluth, which was a PR by 5 minutes. He was wondering whether
he would be able to run under 2:40 in the future, to which Frank
Schiro gave a conditional response.
WHAT HE SAID: "There is no reason why you can't run under 2:40
--- unless you come to your senses."
#193. WHO: Adam Bleifeld
WHERE: As quoted in New York Runner (July/August 1998 issue, page
13)
WHAT HE SAID: "Running is a sport that really requires a lot
of discipline. People in their twenties, for the most part,
are still 'sowing their wild oats'. It takes discipline to
get up each morning and keep doing it. It's a personal, driven
kind of thing, so you have to wait until people kind of settle down
before they can get into it."
COMMENT: Sowing wild oats? Did I miss something on the way
of growing up?
#192. WHO: Chip Olsen
SITUATION: Chip has been nursing an Achilles tendon injury and has
not been attending workouts. When he saw the published photos
for the 6/22/98 track workout, he wrote:
WHAT HE WROTE: "If I'd known about the photo op beforehand,
I might have limped on down."
#191: WHO: Luca Trovato
Situation: On Thursday (6/18/98), Luca Trovato decided to
bike with our supercyclist Aubin Sullivan instead of running.
When they approached the end of their workout, Luca had to get 'competitive'
and started to sprint. Deservedly, he got a flat tire instead.
His initial attempts at repair were futile, and he began
to complain. This drew a crowd of teammates around him, most
of whom were not helpful at all, offering comments such as:
- "Hey, Luca, do you need help reading the
instructions? Unfortunately for you, they are written in
English."
- "Hey, everybody in the park listen up!
This Italian guy does not know how to fix a flat!"
- "Hey, Mario, where is your support team
car?" (In reference to "Super" Mario Cipollini,
the Italian sprinter who made the Cannondale bike famous at the
last Tour of France, and Luca was riding a Cannondale).
- "Hey, Mario, just make one of your domestiques
fix it for you!"
- "Hey, Luca, do you need cab fare?"
(Knowing full well that he lives right around the corner)
To provide feedback on his (lack of ) progress,
teammates also started their stopwatches. For the record,
it was 27 minutes 26 seconds before he limped away.
WHAT LUCA SAID: To express his gratitude for all
the attention he got, Luca said, "You bastards!"
COMMENT: Hey, we didn't kill Kenny.
#190: Frank Schiro
WHEN: June 23rd, 1998 East River Park outdoor track
SITUATION: Frank saw a photographer snapping a shot.
WHAT HE SAID: "Did that photograph
capture my genius?"
#189. WHO: Cartsen Strandlod
WHEN: June 18th, 1998, in reference to his personal best race last
Sunday
WHAT HE SAID: "How come the web photographer is never there
when I do well?"
COMMENT: Obviously, the trick is to never have a bad day, then you
can't miss.
POSTSCRIPT: In fact, he did have an exceptionally good race the
very next week and the web photographer was not there either.
#188. WHO: Female bartender at the Dojo Restaurant,
St. Mark's Place
WHEN: June 16th, 1998, when a group of Central Park Track Club members
dined there after the workout, she was asked which member of the
group looks like the fastest runner.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Oh, it must be the only one person who ordered
a beer."
COMMENT: Thank you very much!
#187. WHO: Karel Matousek
WHEN: June 16th, 1998 workout at East River Park
SUBJECT: Club team workouts
WHAT HE SAID: "I cannot do both the Tuesday and Thursday workouts.
I just can't swing it anymore."
COMMENT: What has swinging got to do with it?
#186. WHO: Phil Lee
SUBJECT: His e-signature
WHAT HE WROTE: "My name is listed as Philip Carpenter-Lee in
many places and Philip Carpenter Lee in many others. I do it to
confuse everyone, but I prefer Phil Lee."
COMMENT: Our Global Surveillance System (tm) will not be fooled
by such cheap tricks!
#185. WHO: Tyronne Culpepper
WHEN: Thursday workout, June 11th, 1998
SITUATION: Teammates Harry Morales and Victor Osayi
invited Tyronne to go with them to the Boilermaker 15K in Utica,
upstate New York. His initial reason for not going was that
he wanted to run the Bronx Half Marathon in order to earn the Grand
Prix Half Marathon patch. When that sounded too lame, he offered
up the ultimate reason for not doing an out-of-town race.
WHAT HE SAID: "You guys are single, but I am a married man."
#184. WHO: Jonathan Federman
SITUATION: When Jonathan came to the web site to check the results
for the 1998 North County News 5K, he was appalled not to find himself
listed.
WHAT HE WROTE: "Who supplied your Global Surveillance System
(tm)? Did you get it from Microsoft?
I ran hard in this race wearing my Central Park Track Club
singlet, but only two old guys (Jack Brennan and Alan
Turner) were listed in your page?"
OUR RESPONSE: Dear Jonathan, upon review of our procedure, we realized
that you were a victim of circumstance. You were unfortunate
to have finished just a few seconds ahead of someone named Blaine
Lawson, whose name caught our attention instead. So who
is this bloke? He is definitely not a member of our club.
But a certain Blaine Lawson is the co-author of a book titled
Spin Geometry (published by Princeton University Press, ISBN
0-691-08542-0). Here is what the book jacket says: "This
book offers a systematic and comprehensive presentation of the concepts
of a spin manifold, spinor fields, Dirac operators and Â-genera,
which, over the last two decades, have come to play a significant
role in many areas of modern mathematics ... the authors consistently
use Clifford algebras and their representations in this exposition.
Clifford multiplication and Dirac operator identities are even used
in place of the standard tensor calculus. This unique approach
unifies all the standard elliptic operators in geometry and brings
fresh insights into curvature calculations. The fundamental
relationships of Clifford modules to such topics as the theory of
Lie groups, K-theory, KR-theory and Bott Periodicity also receive
careful consideration. A special feature of this book is
the development of the theory of Cl-k linear elliptic operators
and the associated index theorem, which connects certain subtle
spin-cobordism invariants to classical questions in geometry and
has led to some of the most profound relations known between the
curvature and topology of manifolds." We are sure that
you would understand why we were so profoundly interested
in this bloke. We apologise for our omission and we want
you to know that your race results are very important to us, too.
But, in the future, if you (and everybody else) wish to be properly
credited for your race performances, we recommend that you keep
your distance from mathematician-looking types. Of course,
you can also write your own math book (recommended topics are wavelets,
solitons, genetic algorithms, neural networks, artificial life,
knots braids & links).
#183. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Tuesday outdoor track workout, June 9th, 1998, East River
Park
SITUATION: He was reading out the performances of team members at
the Holiday Hills Triathlon over the weekend.
WHAT HE SAID: "... and Scott Willett won the race in
a time of 1:00:52 ... hey, I have no idea what that time means."
#182. WHO: Sarah Gross
SUBJECT: Her review of the
concert performance of Stuart Calderwood (New York
Harrier), friend and rival.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Alas, he has finally found something that Alan
Ruben cannot do."
COMMENT # 1: Specifically, she is referring to songwriting, singing
in a number of musical styles, playing a music instrument, holding
a musical note for an eternity, somersaulting on the floor, etc.
It is not impossible that Alan can do these things too, but
it is rather hard to conceive and visualize ... However, Stacy
Creamer 'bets that Alan Ruben has a dive or two in him
--- all he needs is the right venue!'
COMMENT # 2: The web site guy's review was, "I am shellshocked!
I thought that I knew this guy. But what I saw tonight was
a completely different, and multidimensional, personality!"
To which Stacy Creamer countered, "For many years, we
thought that we knew you. Then you began doing this web site,
and we were completely surprised!" So what other beasts
are lurking in our midst unbeknownst to us?
#181. WHO: Mel Washington
WHEN: Tuesday outdoor track workout, June 2nd, 1998
WHAT HE SAID: "My upper body was very tired. I had no
idea what was going on. Then I remembered that I was lifting
weights last night."
#180. WHO: Michael Garland
SITUATION: For the 1998 Big 4-0 Four Miler, Mike carefully laid
out his singlet and race number on his bed and then promptly left
for the race without them. His terse description was:
WHAT HE SAID: "I did a Yumi."
COMMENT: Yumi Ogita probably never thought her act of forgetfulness
at the Revlon 5K would give her exclusive copyright.
#179. WHO: Bola Awofeso
SUBJECT: A photograph
of him taken after the Big 4-0 Four Miler Race
WHAT HE SAID: "Thanks for the photo! I am now officially
the stud at the office."
COMMENT # 1: ... and to think that he did not even run in the race
...
COMMENT # 2: An astute reader points out that this photograph
constitutes incontrovertible proof of property theft, since Bola
is holding bottled water distributed only to race entrants.
#178. WHO: Peter Gambaccini
SITUATION: Upon sending in a note,
Peter added the following:
WHAT HE WROTE: "Please don't attach my name to this item. I'm
on the web too much already, considering I hardly run."
COMMENT # 1: We are not aware of any requirements that web mentions
to be conditional on running ability or frequency. If that
were the case, a lot of people (especially me!) will have to be
erased.
COMMENT # 2: Yes, Peter, your request not to have your name attached
to the item was honored ...
#177. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SITUATION: At the 1998 Snow Flake Run, Rich Joseph could
see Tony just in front of him but simply could not catch him.
When Tony heard about it, he sneered and said:
WHAT HE SAID: "If I had you in my sights, I would have nailed
your butt, no matter what!"
#176. WHO: Unknown volunteer
at the Assault on Mount Mitchell bicycle race
SITUATION: At the 95th mile, Ross Galitsky heard a woman's
voice behind him, "Excuse me! On your right!" and
a woman passed on the right*. Ross took a peek and saw that
it was his wife, Aubin Sullivan. "Oh, hi, Aubin.
It's you!" Aubin said, "Oh, Ross, it's you!"
They rode together for a while and then came to the last water stop.
Ross said, "Hey, Aubin! I'm dehydrated. I've gotta
get some water." So he pulled over and a volunteer helped
him refill the water. The volunteer asked Ross, "Who
was that woman?" Ross answered, "Oh, that was my
wife. What about it?"
WHAT THE VOLUNTEER SAID: "No wonder. That explains it.
As soon as you pulled over, she got up on the saddle and sprinted
away as quickly as possible."
* Bicycle racing etiquette
calls for passing on the left. For this very reason, the NYU
Triathlon Club has the logo appearing on the right side of the uniform:
when they pass you, you can read it; when you pass them, you can't
read it. Smart!
#175. WHO: Kevin Arlyck
SITUATION: During the days leading up to the Memorial weekend of
1998, there were some strange happenings on this web site, including
a couple of days of unintended outage.
WHAT HE WROTE: "Are you trying to hide something from me?"
COMMENT: Only a newcomer would be alarmed, because the veterans
on the club know enough not to be provoked.
Kevin writes: "An
admittedly minor alteration of my quote had a profound and disastrous
effect on its tone. I was quoted as asking "Are you hiding
something from me?", which sounds like the whine of the insecure
new guy who is sure that the veterans are all talking behind his
back. What I actually wrote was "Are you hiding somewhere?",
which sounds much more like the flippant query of a curious new
club member, unable to locate the website, eager to stay abreast
of all the fascinating goings-on that take place under the rubric
of the Central Park Track Club. Alas, I fear that I have protested
too much, for who knows what miraculous transformation this message
may undergo before it is deemed fit for publication."
Reply: Dear Kevin, there is no need to be defensive about seeming
to whine. Whining is first nature to runners. Just
look around this web site: nothing but complaints about (abundance
of) physical ailments, (lack of) physical talents, lousy food, lousy
shoes, lousy clothing, exploitation of Third World child laborers,
mismeasured race courses, incompetent and arrogant race officials,
exorbitant race entry fees, inconsiderate race start times (too
early, too late, or just not 10am), poorly designed race courses,
precious missing seconds in official race times, lousy instructions
about time and place for races, incorrect (or total absence of)
split times, lousy (or total absence of) food/drinks, car traffic
in the park, bicyclists, rollerbladers, horseback riders, summons-issuing
park rangers, scavengers around the Daniel Webster statue, professional
ringers on other clubs, obnoxious teammates, incompatible teammates,
overly talkative teammates, exorbitant club dues, lack of communication
from The Executive Board, non-existent newsletters, long speeches
before team workouts, flying elbows on the track, segregation and
discrimination (by age, sex, distance, running surface, speed, cross-training,
...), cabals, cliques and, lacking any other subject, you can always
complain about the team uniform. You get the idea. Of
course, compared to other club web sites, this one does seem to
generate more than its share of complaints about irresponsible journalism,
malicious misinformation and unflattering photographs. We
can't imagine why. Anyway, on the basis of your letter, I
believe you will fit in nicely with our other prolific letterwriters
(Jud Santos, Audrey Kingsley, Sarah Gross and company).
#174. WHO: Jim Aneshansley
WHEN: Tuesday track workout, 5/26/98
SITUATION: His despondency over the slowness of getting back into
shape
WHAT HE SAID: "I was laboring in the mile. I told the
girl running beside me that I used to run a marathon at this pace.
She was not amused."
#173. WHO: Alan Ruben
SITUATION: Alan prides himself in carrying a mental race pace conversion
chart. (Quick! What is a 15:54 time for 5K? 5:07 minutes per mile,
of course). At the 1998 Vermont Marathon Relay, he was stumped
for once when a teammate asked him what pace the incoming people
were running at.
WHAT HE SAID: "I have never had the experience of running this
slow."
#172. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SUBJECT: Using the environment to advantage during a race.
WHEN: During the Vermont Marathon Relay 1998, when another competitor
was about to pass her, she pointed to a roadside traffic sign and
said:
WHAT SHE SAID: "Hey, that sign says DO NOT PASS!"
Audrey explains: "I would like to say that
I hate being passed!!! (Both in a race and on the highway) Therefore,
this circumstance was doubly distressing -- being passed in a race
on the highway!!!! For that reason, if talent falls a little
bit short, I will use any method of keeping my competitors at bay."
COMMENT: Hey, Audrey, please provide us with a description of your
automobile so that we can stay faraway from you and not become victims
of your road rage. But keep doing your thing at races (especially
in this sort of situation)!
After seeing that picture,
Audrey reacted: "I wonder if it is your job to remind all Central
Park Track Club people about distressful moments in their running
careers. If I am not mistaken, that picture was taken at the 1998
Snowflake 4-miler. It was the last 300 meters or so and Eudair
Palman, an ex-Central Park Track Club member now with Warren
Street, was passing me. Despite my efforts and subsequent PR (first
time sub 6:30 min/mile), there was nothing I could do. Eudair went
on to beat me by 2 seconds. I would like to thank you for
enabling me to relive this moment. P.S. At the 1998 Brooklyn Half,
I regained my dignity by beating her by 19 seconds."
COMMENT: Who's counting?
#171. WHO: Lynn Blackstone
SUBJECT: Reminiscences about her 1976 Yonkers Marathon victory
WHAT SHE SAID: "In those days, there were not many female runners.
In that race, Nina Kuscsik was leading the race but she dropped
out. So for the last loop, I had the lead and I had a police
escort. It was really great!"
#170. WHO: Frank Schiro
SUBJECT: The difference between track and road runners
AUDIENCE: Luca Trovato, a track wannabe
WHAT HE SAID: "The mentally tough people will ultimately drift
into running track."
COMMENT: He also said, "I don't really want to say this because
you're probably going to print it." Right on!
#169. WHO: Mary Rosado
SUBJECT: Rock climbing as a form of cross-training
WHAT SHE SAID: "I went upstate to try rock climbing.
It was frightening. It might have helped my speed, but not
my strength, because all I wanted to do was to get it over with
as quickly as possible."
#168. WHO: Bola Awofeso
SITUATION: A few years ago, he had to undergo knee surgery.
To get back into shape, he tried deep-water running.
WHAT HE SAID: "They strapped on me every flotation device that
they could find, but I just kept sinking to the bottom of the pool."
#167. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: End of Thursday workout, May 21st, 1998
SUBJECT: Training tip from the coach
WHAT HE SAID: "Say you have to miss tonight's training run
because the weather was really bad. You should never try to
go out and make it up tomorrow morning. You should just stick
to your planned training schedule."
COMMENT: Unfortunately, these words fell upon the deaf ears of the
audience (namely, three mathematically-inclined types Audrey
Kingsley, Jud Santos and Roland Soong whose sole
pleasure in life is to see those miles piling up in their running
logs). Why else would our Central
Park Running Map show distances down to one ten-thousandth
of a mile?
#166. WHO: Alan Bautista
SUBJECT: Running log book
WHAT HE SAID: "The last time that I kept a log book was when
I was in college. If, and when, I keep a log, then I am really
serious about running."
#165. WHO: Lucy
White
SUBJECT: At the workouts, there was a teammate who always
seemed to start out ahead, get passed inevitably and still finished
ahead of everyone else.
WHAT SHE SAID: "I don't trust you!!!"
COMMENT: No, it was not Rosie Ruiz.
#164: WHO: Ramon Bermo / Jud Santos
WHEN: Long weekend group run in Westchester
SITUATION: Thinking that it might rain, Mary Rosado fashioned
a headwear for herself. Upon seeing her, the two guys quipped.
WHAT RAMON SAID: "Hey, Mary, you look like a little old Spanish
lady."
WHAT JUD SAID: "Hey, Mary, but you are a little old Spanish
lady!"
COMMENT: Actually, the person who had the best time of all was Mary
herself, as she watched the two guys wriggle and squirm for the
next half hour to explain what they meant and what they did not
mean ...
POSTSCRIPT: Mary's own quote was reported to be
missing from the above: "I feel so slow that I feel like a
little old Spanish lady."
#163. WHO: Julie Denney
WHEN: Track workout of May 19th, 1998
SITUATION: When she got to the track, people began to congratulate
her for third place finish in the Prospect Park 5 Miler over the
weekend. Almost everybody knew from the race results published on
this web site.
WHAT SHE SAID: "I was hoping to keep it quiet. I guess not."
COMMENT: No good deed goes unpunished unpublished
on this web site.
#162. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: Track workout of May 12th, 1998
SITUATION: During the workout, Audrey saw that the web site guy
was passing people in the last 800m because he ran only 625m.
WHAT SHE SAID: "This will never be published on the web."
COMMENT: She was wrong on that point, because her comment was published
on the web immediately the next morning. After all, the Central
Park Track Club was founded by a bunch of hippie lawyers (Jack
Brennan, Frank Handelman and Dave Blackstone)
who are strong believers in the freedom of speech and assembly (since
they got their high by abusing each other verbally while they ran
together ...).
COMMENT: Audrey's reaction was: "I am impressed with your honesty
to your many (10591-73) (that's 10591 minus the 73 clicks by Ramon
Bermo) fans. Now if you can just get a compromising picture
of the website guy, then we would be talking!!!!!" Well, I
guess we are not talking yet ...
#161. WHO: Michael Garland
SUBJECT: His non-appearance at the 1998 Vermont Marathon Relay
WHAT HE SAID: "Just wanna give a few of the other kids a chance."
COMMENT: Just wanna let the other kids know this is what
happened to Michael in 1997. Now ask yourself if you are
ready to sacrifice yourself for the team too.
#160. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Thursday road workout of May 13th, 1998, being on the day
of Seinfeld's final episode.
SITUATION: When he got to the statue, he counted only five people
there.
WHAT HE SAID: "Who is it going to be? Whom will they choose?
Me or Seinfeld?"
COMMENT: We are happy to report that the final count was 42 persons
present. As Nathan Klejman said, "I would skip the workout
for South Park, but not Seinfeld."
#159. WHO: David Blackstone
SUBJECT: The exact moment of the birth of the Central Park Track
Club
WHAT HE SAID: "In the early 1970's, there were perhaps two
dozen runners who trained regularly in Central Park, many of who
did not compete but had track or cross-country backgrounds and stayed
in shape. For example, Frank Handelman, Bob Urie,
Jack Brennan and myself. Through the late 1960's and early
1970's, the only team winning Met titles was Millrose, except in
cross-country where the NYAC was dominant, fielding national-class
runners. I thought it would be fun to organize these regulars into
a team, so in September 1972, my wife Lynn and I called a founding
meeting in our apartment and the Central Park Track Club was born."
#158: WHO: Fritz Mueller
SUBJECT: The reason why he joined the Central Park Track Club
WHAT HE SAID: "I joined the Club when they thought I was good
enough. I ran a marathon in 2:50 in the early 1970's, and passed
Dave Blackstone at the end. I guess that's what did it."
#157: WHO: Jack Brennan
SUBJECT: The reason why he joined the Central Park Track Club
WHAT HE SAID: "I joined the Central Park Track Club because
Dave Blackstone begged me to. He would call me repeatedly
at night, ply me with alcohol, send me flowers; I finally couldn't
take it anymore and I gave in."
#156: WHO: Frank Handelman
WHEN: May 12th, 1998 Tuesday workout
SITUATION: Seeing that Frank had not been doing serious track workouts
for some time, Tony Ruiz asked Frank if he wanted to skip
one of the sets.
WHAT HE SAID: "I think I'll continue until I can do no more."
#155. WHO: Charlie Stark
WHEN: May 12th, 1998 Tuesday workout
SITUATION: Chip Olsen and Stacy Creamer were comparing
notes about their personal and running lives, which led Charlie
to ask:
WHAT HE SAID: "You mean there is a difference between your
running life and your personal life?"
#154. WHO: Luca Trovato
WHEN: May 5th, 1998 Tuesday workout
SITUATION: When everybody got to the starting line, the heavens
opened the flood gates and the deluge came. At that point, the runners
noticed an apparition on the sidelines. At the start, Luca Trovato
was right up there in his body-hugging black shorts and shirt, running
with everybody else. Now people noticed Luca Trovato was
dressed in long sleeves and long pants resting under a big colorful
umbrella in the bleacher seats. Wunderbar! But when the rain
subsided shortly after, there was Luca Trovato again in his
black shorts and shirt. So who was that man on the sideline previously?
WHAT HE SAID: "That was my brother, who looks exactly like
me."
COMMENT: Now what is the likelihood of anyone looking exactly like
Luca? You tell me.
#153. WHO: Edwin Fajardo
WHEN: May 7th, 1998 Thursday workout, upon reading about Mel
Washington's tennis game in New York Runner magazine.
WHAT HE SAID (WHILE HE WAS RUNNING WITH THE TEAM): "I have
been running for 15 years and I am getting bored. I think I'll play
tennis instead."
COMMENT: Two years ago, Edwin had decided that he was bored with
running and he wanted to do the triathlon instead. He did the Central
Park Triathlon in 1996, and none since. So we expect this latest
infatuation to fizzle just as quickly.
POST-SCRIPT: One week later, Edwin was observed running past the
Daniel Webster statue up towards the tennis courts and shouting
to teammates at the workout, "Tennis rules!" So could
it be true love at last?
#152. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: May 7th, 1998 Thursday workout
SUBJECT: The perils of leaving belongings unattended during the
workout
WHAT HE SAID: "I had my stuff stolen before. But I was stubborn,
and it happened to me three times before I learned."
#151. WHO: Frank Schiro
SUBJECT: "A Nation Divided" --- or the differences between
the track runners and the road runners on the Central Park Track
Club
WHAT HE SAID: "It is like the football team and the soccer
team. We both play with a ball, but we do completely different things
with it."
COMMENT # 1: Of course, Frank was a member of the 4x400m Masters
40+ relay team that broke the American record at the 1998 Penn Relays.
But Frank also admitted that he had tried distance running a few
years ago (specifically, he ran a marathon after seeing Alberto
Salazar's world record run). So what does that make Frank? A
field goal kicker on the football team?
#150: WHO: Roland Soong
WHEN: Post-Tuesday workout dinner, April 28th, 1998
SITUATION: After the workout, a group of people retreated to the
Dojo Restaurant at St. Mark's Place for dinner. Obviously, all sorts
of salacious/unsavory tales were aired and exchanged at the table.
The total bill was $79.95, for which each of the 10 people present
were assessed 8 dollars apiece. The 5 cent change was then offered
to Roland Soong, aka The Web Site Guy, presumably in return
for his silence.
WHAT HE SAID: "I will not be bribed!"
COMMENT #1: In all likelihood, he was offended by the size of the
offer and he might be holding out for a more substantial effort
. "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more" (source of copy:
Monty Python).
COMMENT #2: Since no meaningful bribe offers have come forward since,
we will begin relating the first scandal: "A certain member
of a relay team listed in the 1998 Penn Relays results could not
have been running at the time, since she was quite lost somewhere
miles away from the stadium ... " (source of inspiration: the
Blackmail tv show skit by Monty Python)
#149: WHO: Scott Willett
WHEN: Thursday workout, April 30th, 1998
SUBJECT: The various distance markers on the roads inside Central
Park
WHAT HE SAID: "Whenever I see the 60K marker on the road, I
get lazy."
#148. WHO: Jud Santos
WHEN: Upon missing the Thursday workout, April 23rd, 1998, he sent
in the following note:
WHAT HE WROTE: Tonight I am not at the statue in the rain because
I am going to the Paula Cole concert at the Beacon. Wow!
I have a life I have a life I have a life
I have a life I have a life I have a life
I have a life I have a life I have a life
I have a life I have a life I have a life
I have a life I have a life I have a life
I have a life I have a life I have a life
I have a life I have a life...........
COMMENT: Well, after reading what he wrote, we are really not so
sure about that!
#147. WHO: Mel Washington
WHERE: As quoted by Peter Gambaccini in an article about
tennis and running in New York Runner (May/June 1998 issue)
WHAT HE SAID: "I used to run to get into shape for tennis,
maybe one or two loops around the Reservoir. Then, in 1981, I ran
my first road race and got hooked on running. On court, I can outlast
my competitors because of my running, though they just execute better
shots than I do."
#146. WHO: Scott Willett
WHEN: An interview published in the Bermuda GazetteNet Sports
Page (4/28/98) on the occasion of the Tri Gatorade Triathlons
SUBJECT: How he felt during the team triathlon race, after having
won the individual triathlon on the previous day.
WHAT HE SAID: "I also ran 27 miles in Boston on Monday so the
legs are a little bit gone today."
ANALYSIS: What he actually did in Boston is an interesting story.
First of all, it should be noted that he did not run in the 26.2
mile Boston Marathon itself. So how did he accumulate 27 running
miles? Well, his good friend Aubin Sullivan was running the
race. By her own account, Aubin had the proverbial terrible day.
She thought seriously about dropping out at the 8 mile mark. When
she got to the half-marathon mark, she thought that she might as
well as drag herself through the end. Along the way, she was heartened
by the hundreds of spectators on the route who were chanting, "Go!
Aubin! Go!" She had no idea how so many strangers knew who
she was. It was only later that she found out that her friend Scott
was running right behind her, holding a big sign with Aubin's name
on it and encouraging people to cheer for her. What a guy!
#145. WHO: Fritz Muller, Ph. D., research
scientist
SUBJECT: The physical constitution of Joey Ruben, son of
Alan Ruben and Gordon Bakoulis, both marathoners par
excellence
WHAT HE SAID: "This kid is going to be all slow-twitch muscle
fibers." (see #144 below)
#144. WHO: New York Runner (May/June 1998 issue)
Subject: Lesser-known biographical facts about Alan Ruben,
winner of NYRRC M40-44 award
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: "You probably thought it was your mind ringing.
But it might have been the wedding bells. Running has, over the
years, endeared Central Park so much that he and Gordon Bakoulis
--- also quite the avid runner --- were married in the Park last
year. The happy couple has since had a son named Joseph. As yet,
he refuses to run!"
COMMENT: We know that the last sentence to be false, and we have
the supporting evidence (deposition taken in person
on 4/25/98).
#143. WHO: New York Runner (May/June 1998 issue)
Subject: Lesser-known biographical facts about Sid Howard,
winner of NYRRC M55-59 award
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: "When Sid was 39, his son said to him: "Dad,
there's a race for old men ... it's called the Masters Mile."
Old Man?! Since then, Sid has run every Fifth Avenue Mile and was
the first great grandfather to run it in less than five minutes.
His persistence is visible not only in his commitment to running,
but in his academic prowess as well. After more than 20 years in
the Air Force, Sid returned to high school. Over the past 14 years,
he has continued his education and currently works seven days a
week while attending night school to earn his Masters Degree in
Social Work. Talk about stamina!"
#142. WHO: New York Runner (May/June 1998 issue)
Subject: Lesser-known biographical facts about Sylvie Kimché,
winner of NYRRC F50-54 award
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: Formerly an alpine ski champion in France, Sylvie
took up running to stay in shape. In 1979, she moved to New York
City because she wanted to be in an active, lively city. In the
early 1990s, Sylvie had a serious back injury and was unable to
run for two years. Through perseverance and turmoil, she has made
a successful recovery. She says, "I can't stress enough how
great it feels to rebound." As Sylvie travels quite a bit for
business, she says, "Running is the easiest sport to practice,
anytime, any weather."
#141. WHO: Alan Ruben
SITUATION: At the April 10th road workout, there was a light drizzle
and Alan showed up in a plastic windbreaker. This was highly unusual
behavior for him, causing Brian Marchese to ask, "Is
something wrong?" and Tyronne Culpepper to ask, "Isn't
this normal weather in your homeland (England)?"
WHAT ALAN SAID (sheepishly): "Being in New York, I must be
getting soft."
#140. WHO: Rick Shaver
SUBJECT: His teammate Alan Turner's 2:52 Boston Marathon
1998 at age 54
WHAT HE SAID: "The key to his success is that he skips the
Thursday night workouts."
COMMENT: What could be the drawback of those workouts? Except for
the likelihood of catching a cold while listening to those long-winded
speeches.
#139. WHO: Scott Willett
SUBJECT: Inept attempts to proselytize runners to become tri-athletes,
whereby potential converts are identified by certain physical attributes
(to wit, broad shoulders)
MODEL CASE: Ramon Bermo
FIRST RECRUITMENT ATTEMPT
WHERE: Indoor track workout
WHAT SCOTT SAID: "Hey, Ramon, you don't look like a runner
. You are thick!"
WHAT RAMON SAID: "Huhhh? Thick? Like, in the head?"
SECOND RECRUITMENT ATTEMPT
WHERE: Indoor track workout, the next week
WHAT SCOTT SAID: "Hey, Ramon, you are massive!"
WHAT RAMON SAID: "Huhhh? @#$%&?"
POSTSCRIPT: Once Scott got Ramon into the swimming
pool, he turned nasty. According to Ramon, "He told me that
I did everything wrong!" Was it worthwhile? Well, Ramon was
able to reduce the number of strokes he needed per lap from 29 to
21 immediately.
Ramon rises to the defense of Scott: "Scott
did not recruit me, I decided it on my own!! He did not call me
'thick and massive' -- it was that Russian guy, you know, the other
thick guy. I'm a big boy now....I can make my own decisions....I
just asked Scott for advice since I'm a rookie. It's not everyday
that I can go to an All American for advice. He did not tell
me that I could not swim --- I knew myself that I could not swim."
#138. WHO: Paul Sternberger
SITUATION: No sooner did he join the club than his bibliography
links were printed on our On The Web page. So Paul asked the web site guy:
WHAT HE ASKED: "Do you work for the FBI?"
COMMENT #1: He was obviously expecting a no answer, and so was even
more astonished when the answer was, "Yes." That should
have been no surprise because this web site has all the traits of
a government bureaucracy: (1) compulsive filing of all information,
even in the absence of any perceived relevance; (2) strong reliance
on unnamed, uncorroborated and even known unreliable sources; (3)
prejudicial interpretation of facts and events; (4) denial of access
by individual citizens in the name of national security; (5) excessive
use of obscurantist trademarked terminology (Global Surveillance
System (tm); Nathan (tm); Rasheed (tm); etc); (5)
serving the needs of an exclusionary inner circle and other special
interests while claiming to serve the common good; (6) fomenting
dissension to stifle unified opposition; (7) encouraging and compelling
people to inform against each other ; (8) lacking in compassion
and taste; (9) betrayal of public trust (e.g. secret signing of
non-aggression quid pro quid pacts with foreign powers) ...
COMMENT #2: Is that not exceeding the FBI's mandate to institute
a Global Surveillance System (GSS) (tm)? Should that not have been
the CIA's domain? Answer: Did J. Edgar Hoover ever respect any such
mandate? So why should we?
#137. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Tuesday outdoor track workout of 4/14/98
WHAT HE SAID: "I am going to be really brief today. I am going
to describe the workout just once, and we will get started immediately.
So listen very carefully, because I won't repeat it."
COMMENT: Those were words that we thought we would never hear. Unfortunately,
ten minutes later, we were still listening to the speech and shivering
in the cold.
#136. WHO: Roland Soong / Michael Garland
SUBJECT: That big hill in the northern side of Central Park
WHAT THEY SAID:
Roland: "I have a knee problem, and the last thing I want to
see is a big hill coming up."
Michael: "I don't have a knee problem, and the last thing I
want to see is a big hill coming up."
COMMENT: One more time, altogether now, "The last thing I want
to see is a big hill coming up."
POSTSCRIPT: When Michael found out about this posting,
he was genuinely astonished: "Hey, I even remember those words!"
Why? Could it have been otherwise?
#135. WHO: Scott Willett
WHEN: Tuesday outdoor track workout of 4/14/98
SUBJECT: The difficulty of running on a public track, where one
has to avoid various obstacles --- potholes, bumps (you know the
one at the start of the backstretch), bicyclists, tricyclists, rollerbladers,
mopeds, screaming children, screaming soccer players, rugby players,
volleyball players, joggers, Brian Clas, Kari Bertrand,
etc.
WHAT HE SAID: "You just pretend that this is off-trail running
except that it is done on a track."
COMMENT: Here is some feedback to this item: "Roland,
I think you are really losing it. Your website has lost the sting!
Scott just throws you some unfunny crumbs as a diversionary tactic
and you lap it up. What ever happened to that famous nastiness and
tastelessness?"
RESPONSE: Hmm ... what nasty things can we say about Scott? We can
certainly tell shark jokes about the medals that he won at the US
National Fin Swimming Championships. Ah! (light bulb sign) Where
is that list of ultra-endurance multi-sport athletes that Scott
has dated from the moment he landed on these shores... ? If only
we can find that list ...
#134. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Tuesday outdoor track workout of 4/14/98
SITUATION: Upon learning that 48-year-old has-been Jack Brennan
actually finished first for the team on the previous weekend, Tony
grew concerned about the upcoming team-scoring race. His motivational
speech to the people was:
WHAT HE SAID: "There has to be someone on the team who can
beat Jack Brennan."
#133. WHO: Sarah Gross
SUBJECT: Her state of mind near the end of the 1997 New York City
Marathon
WHAT SHE SAID: "I was hallucinating à la 1970's Woodstock,
Hair and Kent State."
COMMENT: Considering the fact that these happenings all occurred
during the 1960s, she must have been really hallucinating!
POSTSCRIPT: Sarah sent in the following protest note: "Hey,
give me a little credit for correcting myself before you added that
famous sayings to the website! I don't want people to think I'm
a TOTAL bimbette!" ("A PARTIAL bimbette is still a bimbette",
being a variation on a theme by Fritz Mueller; to wit, "A
good loser is still a loser!")
#132. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: First outdoor track workout of the year, April 7th, 1998
SUBJECT: The acute pain on her left hip.
WHAT SHE SAID: "There is nothing that BENGAY
(tm) and Tylenol (tm) cannot
deal with."
COMMENT: ... except for her head problem.
#131. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: First outdoor track workout of the year, April 7th, 1998
SITUATION: Tony announced that he wanted people to write down what
their near-term racing plans were, so that he can set up future
workouts accordingly.
WHAT HE SAID: "Please write down your name and the races that
you think you will be running. (Pause). You do know how to spell
your own name, don't you?"
COMMENT: This is neither frivolous nor cruel. Given the apparent
inability of people to count (for the lamppost pickups), this task
cannot be taken for granted.
#130. WHO: Jiyon Lee
SITUATION: Our club has a number of professionals who balance a
busy work life with running. When Jiyon Lee, M.D. joined the club
in 1995, she posted the following inquiry directed at other medical
professionals:
WHAT SHE WROTE: "I'd be interested in hearing how they balance
training with slavery (i.e. residency)."
COMMENT: The answer is, "Not easily."
#129. WHO: Irene Jackson (as quoted in the
Summer 1996 Club Newsletter)
SUBJECT: The exorbitant $20 late entry fee on race day
WHAT SHE SAID:"I'd rather spend that on a pack of Viceroy and
a bloody mary at the Oak Room."
COMMENT: Is that what it costs? Wow!
#128. WHO: Victor Osayi
SITUATION: At the 3/26/98 outdoor workout, Jud Santos pulled
Victor Osayi along for a 1000m in 4:00 (or 5:12 min/mile
pace). Afterwards, Victor said:
WHAT HE SAID: "What are you trying to do? Kill me?"
COMMENT #1: Didn't we all sign a release form when we joined the
club?
COMMENT #2: To put this in perspective, this pace (=32:22 10K time)
is a bit slower than Fritz Mueller would have done for a
10K at age 45. See Famous Saying # 127 below for related story.
COMMENT#3: After the above was printed, Jud Santos sent in
the following correction: "The stretch run in 4:00 was from
East 90th Street to East 102nd Street, which is 0.7678 mile, or
1235.6513 meters (if we are to believe the hype). You wrote that
it was 1000 meters. That would have made it 6:26 pace. PLEASE!"
When Sarah Gross saw the note, she commented "You little
snob!"
#127. WHO: Rick Shaver
SITUATION: At the 3/26/98 outdoor workout, Tony Ruiz commented
on the sad lack of talent and commitment among the male runners
on the club. As he is fond to remind people, there was a time when
Tony ran a 20:10 4-miler, only to finish fifth on the team. To which
point, Rick posed a rhetorical question:
WHAT HE SAID: "So what are we? Chopped liver?"
COMMENT: Rick is lacking in sensitivity --- to the vegetarians on
the club.
#127. WHO: Luca Trovato
SITUATION: At the indoor track workout of
3/24/98, as Tony Ruiz droned through his description of the
workout, Luca had obviously spaced out. After the first 1200, Luca
found out that there was another 1200 immediately afterwards. He
exclaimed,
WHAT HE SAID: "ANOTHER 1200? Did he say another 1200? I didn't
know! I wish I knew! I'm dead!"
COMMENT: If you can't hold your attention, then at least consult
a (honest) teammate who is not somnolent.
#126. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SITUATION: In the aftermath of the race for visitor count # 8000,
the web site guy wrote: "I was called into a meeting. When
I came back, the web counter read 8008. I hate you all!" An
ostensibly shocked Audrey wrote back as follows:
WHAT SHE WROTE: "This is a very hostile side to you! I don't
know if I like it."
COMMENT #1: Dear Audrey, once again you didn't get
it, although you should have known better by now. Nothing on this
web site is what it seems to be. That "I hate you all!"
is in fact an expression of fraternity. As T.S. Elliot wrote,
the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. In this regard,
we are following a grand tradition --- thus, Fritz Mueller
once called Frank Handelman "an unhinged, amoral sociopath
who would trade his soul for a first-place medal" and characterized
that statement as "a compliment." Get it?
COMMENT # 2: Of course, a definitive declaration
like "I hate you all!" did not arise in a vacuum. As Harold
Bloom proposed, every text must be read in light of its ancestor
or precursor texts. In our case, the ancestor texts are not necessarily
(but they may be --- one of these days, we can get into this matter
when we have the time) the canonical texts from Milton, Joyce and
Shakespeare, but rather the collection of Central Park Track
Club Newsletters that we all read and re-read, diligently and
dutifully. You will find that the phrase "I hate them all!"
was once used by Jud Santos to describe his feelings after
a Philadelphia Distance Run, where Jud had a horrible time in a
rain storm even as many of his teammates set personal bests. Now
you don't think that Jud really hated them all, do you?
#125: WHO: (Name withheld, for obvious reasons)
SUBJECT: Fairly typical reaction to seeing one's photo published
on this web site.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Roland,
you were totally leading me on and I will never forgive you for
this!!!! That was the worse picture I have ever seen in my life!
Not only do my lips look absolutely blue, I also have a sour expression
on my face and my face looks like a mushy blob!!!!!!!! Yikes! What
do I have to do to protect my reputation?"
COMMENT: I know you will be searching through the photo gallery
for those blue lips ... (Hint#1: it was a cold-weather race; hint#2:
how many people use the expression "Yikes"?)
#124: WHO: Ross Galitsky
SUBJECT: His pal Scott Willett
SITUATION: At the workout of 3/12/98, Scott intimated that Ross
has this photo of Stacy Creamer receiving an award at a triathlon.
When Ross was asked about this he said:
WHAT HE SAID: "That was just a tease, and so is everything
else that he tells you when he is at the workout while I am slaving
at work."
#123. WHO: Alan Bautista
SUBJECT: Alan had Stacy Creamer as his running partner in
last year's Trevira Twosome two miler. As it were, Stacy finished
about 10 seconds behind Alan.
WHAT HE SAID: "I gotta look for another partner this year.
The way Stacy is running now, she is going to finish way ahead of
me."
COMMENT: Somebody said that running is not fun because of the pain
involved. Alan would concur, especially about the mental anguish.
POSTSCRIPT: In 1998, Alan Bautista teamed up with Lucy
White instead. The most important statistic was that he finished
two seconds ahead of Stacy Creamer. A close call!
#122. WHO: Scott Willett
WHEN: Thursday workout through the Harlem Hills
WHAT HE SAID: "Don't save it! Spend it all!"
COMMENT: This is exactly what an endurance athlete would tell you
to do, just so he can nail you later.
#121. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Thursday workout after the 1998 Brooklyn Half Marathon
SUBJECT: Tyronne Culpepper's ability to race well over a
broad range of distances, going from a 57 second indoor quartermile
at the Millrose Games to a 1:22 half marathon.
WHAT HE SAID: "Tyronne can really ... I don't want to say it,
go both ways ..."
COMMENT: ... but he did say that.
#120. WHO: Jud Santos
SITUATION: Audrey Kingsley had grabbed visitor count # 7000
and preserved the evidence in the form of a bitmap
for posterity. The duly impressed (and impressionable) Jud had this
to say:
WHAT HE SAID: "This is SICK!"
COMMENT #1: Jud did not think that anyone could have even less of
a life than him, because he thought that he had no life.
COMMENT #2: Meanwhile, the person (moi!) who is REALLY SICK
was busy deciphering the icons at the bottom of the bitmap to see
what equipment and software Audrey was using (it was a laptop, for
one thing, and and it seems to be working from a cellular modem
... ).
#119. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: His bronze medal at the 1998 Eastern Regional Indoor 3000m
Championship
SITUATION: After winning the MAC championship race (see#117 below),
Jud moved up to the Eastern Regional race. There he placed seventh
overall in 9:50, and third in his age group. So he is now a bronze
medallist! Of course, an astute teammate asked him, trying to bring
him back down to earth, "How many people were there from your
age group? A total of three, including yourself?"
WHAT HE SAID: "There was one other person behind me!"
COMMENT #1: He also pointed out that he was lapped by only one person
in his age group.
#118. WHO: Jack Brennan
SUBJECT: The contempt that the Central Park Track Club founders
felt for each other.
WHAT HE SAID: "When Frank Handelman ran a 2:35 marathon,
we all laughed at him!"
#117. WHO: Jud Santos
WHEN: Thursday night workout, 3/5/98
SITUATION: Jud was really elated over his being crowned the 1998
MAC indoor champion at 3000m. He had shown up too late for the mile
race, and had to run the 3000m race instead. When the race started,
Jean Chodnicki took the lead and ran the first 200m in 42
seconds. Jud was dead last, because he assumed that everybody else
knew what they were doing. After jogging around for 3 laps, that
did not appear to be the case. So Jud went to the front, and was
never really challenged thereafter. His winning time was a snail-like
9:58. Nevertheless, the man is now a MAC champion (the medal is
allegedly in the mail). This win was particularly gratifying, in
view of his consistent ability to be beaten by his teammate Casey
Yamazaki. He explained his winning strategy as follows.
WHAT HE SAID: "I decided to concentrate on the two types of
events that Casey would not do:- cross country and indoor track,
and I just hoped that nobody else shows up."
COMMENT #1: A teammate analyzed Jud's reactions to being beaten
by Casey: "The first time, you get angry. By the fifth time,
you get depressed. By the tenth time, you get used to it."
COMMENT #2: To put this achievement in proper perspective, Alan
Ruben said that this was slower than his half-marathon pace.
Nevertheless, the fact remained that Alan did not show up on that
particular day to demonstrate that he could sustain his half-marathon
pace for fifteen 200m laps.
COMMENT #3: Famous last words from Jud: "I was once a MAC champion.
Nobody can take that away from me."
#116. WHO: Karel Matousek
WHEN: Thursday night workout, 2/26/98, back in New York City after
a long stay in the Czech Republic
WHAT HE SAID: "My new CD is coming out soon. All those young
16-year-old girls will be falling at my feet to worship me."
COMMENT: Cultural lesson # 1: They have different standards for
the legal age of consent over there ...
#115. WHO: Harry Morales
WHEN: Thursday night workout, right before the 1998 Brooklyn Half
Marathon on Saturday
SITUATION: Harry was concerned that he would not do well in the
race for a couple of reasons.
WHAT HE SAID: "First of all, I have a calf muscle pull but
I may able to overcome that. A bigger problem is that I am likely
to wake up with a bad attitude for the race, and that would be impossible
to overcome."
COMMENT: Given all these problems, a teammate predicted that Harry
would get a PR (as in "Puerto Rican") time for this race.
From his extensive translator's toolbox, Harry selected the following
response: "**** you, and the horse that you rode in on!"
We will report the act of bestiality to the ASPCA.
#114: WHO: Sarah Gross
SITUATION: For a period of four days, this web site was not updated.
This left a lot of people feeling like abandoned orphans. In panic,
Sarah sent the following e-mail:
WHAT SHE WROTE: "Where u bean?"
COMMENT: From this very simple three-word sentence, we can infer
(1) multisport athletes economize their efforts on everything, including
writing; (2) food is an obsession for her; (3) Sarah is Hispanic.
#113: WHO: XXXXX XXXXX
EVIDENCE: The following film clip was exhibited at the Snow Flake
4 Miler post-race party at A.J. Gordon's: A certain individual was
recorded on film to be going through his pre-race preparations.
First, he was observed to be taking a few small steps in place.
Then he cleared his nose by holding down his left nostril while
blowing out hard and then he repeated the exercise by holding down
his right nostril. Next, he was observed to enter the bushes, where
he committed a misdemeanor in violation of a New York City statute.
Then he was observed to be coming out of the bushes, with his hand
still in the cookie jar and putting the cookies back in place. Throughout
the entire episode, he was totally oblivious to the presence of
the camera.
When we asked him what he would pay us in order NOT to have an MPEG
file made available on the web site, he said:
WHAT HE SAID: "You can have everything I have! Pleeeeeezz don't
post it!"
COMMENT #1: The name of the individual was withheld, but only for
the sake for his family. Even though the recorded act was just a
misdemeanor, New York state has a three-strike law on the books,
and this man is obviously a habitual offender. We have made an inventory
of this man's earthly possessions. Does anyone want to buy a pair
of used running shoes (shown in picture below)?
COMMENT # 2: Far from being chastened
by this episode, this man was emboldened by it. After all, how much
worse can he ever look compared to this?
#112. WHO: Mel Washington
WHEN: Thursday evening workout, February 26th, 1998
SITUATION: It was a relatively warm evening (daytime temperature
in the 60's) for this time of the year, and Tony Ruiz took
even longer than usual with his speech. Meanwhile, Mel stood in
the back row and offered a torrent of opinions.
WHAT HE SAID: "I got here at 7pm and it is now 730pm. Even
George Carney does not talk for that long."
WHAT HE SAID NEXT: "The weather is getting warmer now. Soon
all those women will be running around in jog bras to excite me."
WHAT HE SAID NEXT: "I like visiting that New
York Flyers web site. I know some Flyers women, but Jud
knows all of them."
COMMENT: Mel is a man with many opinions. We could not record them
fast enough.
#111. WHO: Sarah Gross
SITUATION: Upon learning that Audrey Kingsley set a PR while
wearing a t-shirt borrowed from Jud Santos.
WHAT SHE SAID: "May I borrow that t-shirt for the next race?"
COMMENT: Jud should think about starting a t-shirt rental business,
which has great potential considering the number of new members
who don't have any club t-shirts and singlets.
#110: WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SUBJECT: About the various superman meals (Spam (TM), Polish sausage,
Knackwurst (from Fairway), ...) that were supposed to have enhanced
race performances
WHAT SHE SAID: "I am a vegetarian!!!! I can't keep up with
this."
#109. WHO: Alan Bautista
WHEN: Thursday workout, February 19th, 1998
SITUATION: The webophobic Alan did not find out that the indoor
workouts had been re-scheduled for two consecutive weeks in January.
So Alan showed up, only to have to watch a couple of track meets.
WHAT HE SAID: "They were great meets."
COMMENT: Alan Bautista, MD, classifies himself as a member of the
class of people who are "too cheap or too poor" to buy
a computer. Regardless of whether he is "too cheap" and/or
"too poor" (and we won't speculate, either), he is certainly
a member of the class of people who makes the best of a bad situation.
#108. WHO: Ramon Bermo
WHEN: Thursday workout, February 12th, 1998
SITUATION: When Ramon found out that the workout was going to be
2 x 4 miles, he began to complain that this was too long. A teammate
pointed out that the two old guys (Jack Brennan and Fritz
Muller) standing on the side used to do 15 milers at their workouts
in the 1970s, Ramon said:
WHAT HE SAID: "That was then, this is now. They did not have
the technology back then."
COMMENT: What? What!? No wonder those old guys look at the new folks
with dismay and disgust.
#107. WHO: Luca Trovato
WHEN: Footnote to e-mail
WHAT HE WROTE: "Try to behave yourself."
COMMENT: What gave him cause to think that I need to do that?
#106. WHO: Jack Brennan
WHEN: Thursday workout, February 12th, 1998
SITUATION: At the last 10K race, 48-year old Jack was third for
the team.
WHAT HE SAID: "When I ran my first race for the team 25 years
ago, I was 4th on the team. Last weekend, I was 3rd on the team.
At this rate, I should be 1st on the team when I reach 98 years
old."
COMMENT: As it turned out, Jack was way ahead of
schedule. On April 11th, 1998, he finished first on the team at
the Rabbit Run 5K, Central Park, NY. Yes, the man is more than just
New Orleans hot air! O, Jack, we are not worthy ... we are not worthy
...
#105. WHO: Tony Ruiz
WHEN: Thursday workout, February 5th, 1998, in a miserable icy drizzle
SITUATION: Audrey Kingsley had done the indoor track workout
the day before, and she planned to run the 20 mile race on Sunday.
Before coming to the statue, she had already done some running.
So she asked Tony, "Do you have any advice for me?"
WHAT HE SAID: (pause) "Go home right now!?"
#104. WHO: Any number of jealous people
SUBJECT: The photo gallery on this web site.
WHAT THEY SAY: "Why are most of the photographs about women?"
ANSWER: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all
persons are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty
and the Pursuit of Happiness ..."
#103. WHO: Roland Soong
SUBJECT: Reaction to the indignities of being dropped (like a rock!)
at the road workouts
WHAT HE SAID: "I think I better quit while I am behind."
COMMENT: See #102 below too.
#102. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: Voluntary submission of quotations to be published on this
page
WHAT HE SAID: "Sometimes personal dignity takes a backseat
for a great prospective Famous Saying."
COMMENT: We are inclined to change the 'sometimes' to 'all the time'.
#101. WHO: Ross Galitsky
WHEN: January 29th, 1998 Road Workout
SUBJECT: The difficulty of getting lifelong non-runners to take
up running.
WHAT HE SAID: "They say that running is painful and not very
entertaining."
COMMENT: We want to know who "they" are, so that we can
drag them in front of the Daniel Webster statue and flog them for
blasphemy.
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