#600. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SUBJECT: How a teammate can tell what her physical state is
WHAT SHE SAID: "You know I must be really tired when I let you pass without contesting."

#599. WHO: Eve Kaplan
SUBJECT: A snap shot of her pained look from the television coverage of the 1999 Club Team Championship was published on this web site
WHAT SHE SAID: "I am so glad that I don't have a television set."

POSTSCRIPT: It turns out that she doesn't need a television set --- we have the whole clip preserved right here.

#598. WHO: Brian Marchese
SITUATION: He was the timer at the September 7th, 1999 track workout
WHAT HE SAID: "Why does the workout get so complicated when I am the timer?"
COMMENT: ... because you have to read the figures on your watch instead of just staring at Alan Ruben's back ...

#597. SITUATION: The August 31st, 1999 track workout was cancelled, so that people had to make their own arrangements.  The following paragraph was included in the (non-)workout description: "Our Global Surveillance System (TM) located Audrey Kingsley and Kim Mannen running around the reservoir and enjoying the most beautiful sunset view.  This must have been one of the very few moments that they ever wished that our photographer was around ..."  The truth of the matter is that the photo shoot can still be arranged, after the fact:

This photo generated a flood of queries ---
Query # 1: "Why is the sun going down in the southeast?"
Query # 2: "Hey, this is Sheep Meadow, not the Reservoir!?"
Query # 3: "Why is Audrey wearing long sleeves in the heat of August?"
Query # 4: "This is not an question, this is a command --- GET A LIFE!"

#596. WHO: Marnie Mueller
SITUATION: It was in August 1999 that she first visited the Central Park Track Club web site.  To her surprise, she found herself mentioned in conjunction with her novel Green Fires: Assault on Eden in the On The Web page.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Maybe that will help me sell a couple more books."
COMMENT: We know for a fact that there was one copy sold on that basis.

#595. WHO: Fritz Mueller
WHAT HE SAID: "Here is a piece of trivia for you --- I once ran three marathons in a row in 2:25:23, 2:25:26 and 2:25:25, within three seconds of each other."
COMMENT: Our first reaction was that he deliberately planned it.  Then we realized that it would be much more difficult to plan and do it.

#594.  WHO: Craig Chilton
SITUATION: Although the workout on September 2nd, 1999 was cancelled, twenty people showed up anyway.  On the website, the following description was posted: "As for the workout itself, it consists of a warmup jog from the Daniel Webster statue up to the reservoir.  We run our first pickup of 0.6 miles to East 90th Street.  We jump back down to East Drive and head north until we hit the 110th Street entrance into the park.  Our next pick up was 0.5 miles up to the top of Harlem Hill.  We jog back to the reservoir and run another pickup of 0.6 miles to East 90th Street.  We then jog the rest of the reservoir loop and head back to the statue.  The total distance was about 6.8 miles.  By the way, this workout is named the Craig Chilton workout, after its designer."  When Craig was informed that he will receive credit ...
WHAT HE SAID: "Ah, some notoriety for me at last!

#593. WHO: Victor Osayi
WHEN: August 31st, 1999
WHERE: East River Park track oval
SITUATION: The team workout was officially cancelled, a fact that he was well aware of.
WHAT HE SAID: "I can see a message posted on the website about the idiots who showed up."
COMMENT: For the record, the all-star "idiot" list begins with Victor Osayi, and also includes Jonathan Pillow, Michael Trunkes, John Kenney, Brian Marchese, Frank Handelman, Thomas Pennell (and his friend Steve), Paul Sommerstein, Rick Shaver, Charlie Stark, Mark Gumbiner, Alayne Adams, Kurtis Edwards, Carol Tyler, Sandra Olivo, Michele Tagliati, J.R. Mojica, Roland Soong ... and Tony Ruiz will really be shocked ... Manuel Caneva.

#592. WHO: (Name withheld for his own protection)
WHEN: Post-race team photo session, Club Team Championship 1999
WHAT HE SAID: "Will all the beautiful people step up front, and all the ugly people go to the back, please!?"
COMMENT: At least he said "Please".

#591. WHO: Margaret Nolan
WHEN: August 24th, 1999 track workout
SITUATION: After giving a teammate a ride in her car ...
WHAT SHE SAID: "You are not going to tell people that I am a reckless driver, are you?  In spite of what you think you saw, I have never been in an accident."
COMMENT: For the record, her string is still intact ...

#590. WHO: Audrey Kingsley / Roland Soong
WHEN: 1999 NYC Marathon Tune Up
WHERE: 3 mile marker
WHAT SHE SAID: "I am not surprised to see you here."
WHAT HE SAID: "I am not surprised to see you here."
COMMENT: It is sad that people adopt roles that they are compelled to repeat again and again.  In this case, one runs and the other snaps photos.

#589. WHO: Kim Mannen / Roland Soong
WHEN: Thursday road workout, August 26th, 1999
Situation: Because of the long two-mile jog in the beginning, there was a lot of banter going on in the group.
Kim Mannen: "Hi, Roland, how are you?"
Roland Soong: "No, I am only following Tyronne (Culpepper).  He is the one who is forcing the pace ...(heavy finger pointing) ..."
Kim Mannen: "Hey, that was just a purely social hello ... not an accusation."

#588. WHO: Tony Ruiz
TO WHOM: Bola Awofeso
WHEN: August 21st, 1999, Club Team Championship
WHAT HE SAID: , "Are you racing today?  No?  What's your excuse?  Just because you press a few buttons on your watch as a timer at the Tuesday workouts doesn't get you off, you know." 

#587a.  WHO: David Pullman
WHEN: August 24th, 1999
WHERE: Track workout, East River Park
SITUATION: He brought a copy of the New York Sunday Post, in which an article in the business page mentioned him by name a record-setting 28 times.  This article meant a great deal to him personally because ...
WHAT HE SAID: "My father used to have no idea what I do for a living.  So now he has finally read about me."

#587b.  WHO: Margaret Nolan
WHEN: August 24th, 1999
WHERE: Track workout, East River Park
SITUATION: After speaking to David Pullman for the first time ...
WHAT SHE SAID: "Who was that guy?  I swear I recognize his face."
COMMENT: Margaret, did you happen to be reading the New York Sunday Post?

#586. WHO: Brian Denman
SITUATION: He was looking at a flyer for the Masters Long Distance Running Clinic at Lake Placid
WHAT HE SAID: "I never want to go back to Lake Placid again.  There is absolutely nothing to do there --- except running."
COMMENT: By the way, he also cited a schedule conflict with sprinters' beer tour this year

#585. WHO: Kurtis Edwards
WHEN: August 24th, 1999
WHERE: Track workout at East River Park Oval
WHAT HE SAID: "I just ran my first triathlon on Sunday, and I am really feeling it.  Where is Alayne Adams?  I want to make sure that I don't run with her."

#584. WHO: David Pullman
WHERE: Interview in The Guardian by Emma Brocke in July 1999
WHAT HE SAID: "Your dad wants you to be a doctor because he says business is bad; your mom wants you to be an attorney because she'd like to divorce her husband.  I wanted something bigger."
COMMENT: What might that possibly be ...?

#583. WHO: John Kenney
SITUATION: Having taken a break from his family vacation to come back into town to run the 1999 Club Team Championship, he said, right before he caught a bus out of town:
WHAT HE SAID: "My wife (Jane) will kill me if our masters team did not win this race."
COMMENT: He gets to live, partly because of his third place finish on the winning team.

#582. WHO: Ramon Bermo
SITUATION: When asked if there are more Ironman triathlons in his future, given that he  just completed his first one at Ironman USA, Lake Placid.
WHAT HE SAID: "Definitely no more ... until next year.  I am just trying to choose between two ..."

POSTSCRIPT: Lest you think that Craig is a somber type all of the time, you should look at this photo of him right after he finished the London Marathon.  Can you reconcile the two photos?  What was making him beam?  Is he reflecting upon, "Happiness is a marathon without a heartbreak hill"?

#580. WHO: Roland Soong
SUBJECT: The sprinters' recovery routine between sets at the workout (see, for example, #572 below)
WHAT HE ASKED: "In this photo of Eric Goetze, someone else might have stolen his thunder.  Can anyone tell me who the person lying on the ground is?  You know how much I hate to have things that I don't know the answer to ..."
WHAT Tyronne Culpepper SAID: "Who else but Raphael Devalle?"

#579: WHO: Eve Kaplan / Alan Bautista
BACKGROUND: In mid-August, the following message appeared on our home page: "Eve Kaplan recently moved, with a little help from her friends (Stacy Creamer, Stuart Calderwood, Bola Awofeso and even Steve Zirinsky (WS) who had the misfortune of walking by the scene and was immediately drafted).  To her dismay, she found herself receiving, via a very circuitous route, the legendary Boston Running Club 'gift'.  We want to warn everyone else not to let Eve know that you are moving, marrying or having a baby lest she forwards that object to you.  This has been a Central Park Track Club website public service announcement ..."  At the next workout, Eve surveyed those present and said to Alan ...
WHAT EVE SAID: "Hey, Alan, you just moved, didn't you?  May I send you a present?"
WHAT ALAN SAID: "No, sorry, 'cos I read that note on the website."
COMMENT: Yes, as we said, that was a public service announcement ...

#578. WHO: Peter Allen
SUBJECT: Out-of-town team member attending team workout
WHAT HE SAID: "The last time that I tried to come in for a workout, I was at the Metropolitan Museum for some business.  I dodged into the bathroom to get changed.  When I opened my bag, I found that I had packed in two shirts, instead of a shirt and a pair of sneakers.  So much for my workout plan!"

#577. WHO: Steve Schallenkamp
SITUATION:  Upon reading the description of himself on this website as one of George Wisniewski's 'archrivals'
WHAT HE WROTE: "I never thought that I was that important! Now that I know, I will be more motivated to beat anything in orange. Yes, I will be running in this year's Club Team Championship. I will carefully pore over the results to see how I stack up against CPTC!! If I do well, rest assured that you will hear from me. If I don't, you will still hear from me."
NOTE: You may address all your comments to him at skamp6@hotmail.com

#576. WHO: Richie Borrero
SUBJECT: The fact that our photo album for the Manhattan Half Marathon did not have any photos of him
WHAT HE SAID: "What happened to my photos for the Manhattan Half?  That was the only reason that I am joining this club."
ANSWER: The most effective way of getting your photo taken is to wear a team singlet.  Failing that, you should report to our web photographer before the race.  (Oh, some wise gal said, "It always works if you ask him NOT to take a photo of you.")

#575. WHO: Miki Shiraki
SITUATION: He was asked if he was running the Winter Series 10 mile race.
WHAT HE SAID: "No, the shortest distance that I will run in is the marathon.  I don't know how to do anything less."
SIDE HISTORY: Miki once set the distance record for the 24 hour run on the Bethpage track in pouring rain (he brought his own tent to nap under) ...  

#574. WHO: Craig Chilton
SITUATION: Tony Ruiz mentioned that the Prospect Park 5K (8/4/99) was only the second race that he ran in 1999
WHAT HE SAID: "Yes, I know that for a fact.  Except in both of those two races, you buried me in the last 100 meters down the straightway."

#573.  WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: Workout pace
WHAT HE SAID: "The first half of this workout will be done at marathon race pace.  For those of you who don't have a marathon pace, that means slower than 10K race pace."

#572. WHO: Brian Barry
SUBJECT: The sprinters' workout
WHAT HE SAID: "I am all for long recoveries, but these sprinters ... !  I have never seen anyone just lie down for their recoveries."  (see demo photo)

#571. WHO: Frank Handelman
SUBJECT: Sid Howard's 800m time of 2:12.71 at the 1999 WAVA Championships
WHAT HE SAID: "I can't f******* believe that Sid ran a 2:12 ... and you can quote me on that one."
COMMENT: Yes, it is rare that people grant us permission to quote them ...

#570. WHO: Paul Stuart-Smith
SUBJECT: Pre-race meals
WHAT HE SAID: "I used to eat nothing before I race.  Ever since I met Craig (Chilton), I now eat a big breakfast ... well, not THAT big ..." 

#569. WHO: Colin Frew
SUBJECT: His frequent commutes from London
WHAT HE SAID: "I must be the person who logs the most number of miles to run races here."

#568. WHO: Ross Galitsky / Richard Kixmiller
SUBJECT: The perils that they face on the 1999 Ironman USA course
WHAT ROSS SAID: "I'm afraid that I would stop at the first food station and gobble up all the free food."
WHAT RICHARD SAID: "I'm afraid that I would see an Italian restaurant and then decide to stop and eat instead."

#567. WHO: Blair Boyer
SUBJECT: The eternal quest for the perfect meal
WHAT HE SAID: "Hey, look, they finally made a size for distance runners."  (see photo)
COMMENT: Oink, oink ...

#566. WHO: Ross Galitsky
SUBJECT: His prospects at the 1999 Lake Placid Ironman USA triathlon
WHAT HE SAID: "I will not be competing.  I will just be participating."
COMMENT: In other words, "Watch out, here I come!"

#565. WHO: Stuart Calderwood
TO WHOM: Harry Morales
SUBJECT: The attractions of the post-workout gabfest
WHAT HE SAID: "Harry, I thought you said half an hour ago that you were heading home."

#564. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: A revolutionary new theory of biology
WHAT HE SAID: "As you grow older, you put your injuries behind you."
COMMENT: Where?

#563. WHO: Patricia Cornwell
WHEN: August 2nd, 1999
WHERE: Barnes & Noble, Union Square, New York City
SITUATION: She was asked about the importance of her editor.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Well, Stacy (Creamer) is sitting right over there.  What do you want me to say?" 
COMMENT: She went on to say that the editor is important in at least two different ways: first, the editor can pick up the inconsistencies in details, such as a character having brown eyes in one place and blue eyes elsewhere.  Second, some things may be self-evident to the author but not obvious to others, and the editor can point out where additional explanations are needed.

#562. WHO: Aubin Sullivan
SUBJECT: In defense of Lance Armstrong, winner of the 1999 Tour de France
WHAT SHE SAID: "He would never use drugs --- he is from Texas."
COMMENT: By the way, in case you did not know, Ms. Sullivan is also from the great state of Texas.

POSTSCRIPT: Aubin also said, "I almost went down to Nike Town to meet him."  Well, Aubin, you will get another chance yet, as the editor for Lance Armstrong's upcoming biography may be none other than Stacy Creamer!

#561. WHO: Jane Kenney
WHERE: Sports section, New York Times, Tuesday, 7/27/99 (PARLOUR MOMS)
QUOTE: "We're a little scared, but this will be fun," said Jane Kenney, a magazine editor who is leaving the children behind with her husband, John.
NOTE: For your information, the reference is to the all-female soccer team's upcoming tournament in Ireland.

HISTORICAL FOOTNOTE: On Tuesday morning, John Kenney dashed off a note to this website about this article.  Then he thought, "Hmm.  Maybe I should have checked the website first."  When he got there, he found the article already posted.  Afterwards, he reflected, "I should have known better!"

#560. WHO: Ross Galitsky
WHEN: July 29th, 1999 road workout, after having missed over a month of training due to an injury
WHAT HE SAID: "I am amazed at the large turnout.  I thought they would all quit without me."
COMMENT: By the way, this is another one of those conversations on the jog back south after the workout that he believes to be confidential.

#559. WHO: Brian Marchese
SUBJECT: His one and only wrestling match ever
SITUATION: Once upon a time, Brian was in a bar when someone who claimed to be a state wrestling champion said, "I bet I can pin you in 20 seconds."  Brian said, "No, I don't think you can."  The other guy thought about it and said, "I bet I can pin you in 1 minute."  Brian said, "No, I don't think you can."  The other guy thought about it some more and said, "I bet I can pin you in 2 minutes."  So they had a few more drinks and then wrestled.   In about one minute, Brian was on top of the other guy.  In another minute, the other guy was puking.  Brian got up and said ...
WHAT HE SAID EMPHATICALLY: "Don't f*** with a marathoner!"
POST MATCH COMMENT: Brian said, "Actually, I got the worse of it.  I had bruised ribs, torn rotator cuff and what have you ...  but it was worth it."

#558. WHO: David Pullman
WHEN: July 27th, 1999 track workout, when he actually arrived before the start
WHAT HE SAID: "There is a completely different crowd when you arrive on time versus being late."
COMMENT: Make that 'extremely late', in his case ...

#557. WHO: Jeff Kisseloff
SUBJECT: His marriage to the lovely Marie Kearns in July 1999
WHAT HE WROTE: "I met Marie at the Henry Isola 4 Mile Cross Country Race at Van Cortlandt Park.  The race entry fee was only three dollars.  That was the best investment I ever made."
COMMENT # 1: Triathlons are significantly more expensive to enter, but the payout may be just as sweet (see photo from the Survival of the Shawangunks).
COMMENT # 2: Speaking of ROI (Return on Investment), this reminds us of how David Pullman once posed a challenge to a prospective web designer: "I have a website designed and built by a summer intern who was paid nothing.  Therefore, my ROI is infinity.  Now ... (pause for thought) ... please explain to me how you can do better than that ..."

#556. WHO: Mary Spera
SUBJECT: Famous Sayings page
WHAT SHE WROTE: "This is my favorite part of your website.  But nothing new has been said for the last 10 days.  Give me some new stuff.  Thanks."
RESPONSE: "Thank you for your contribution ..."

#555 WHO: Unknown editor
WHERE: NY Running, July/August 1999 issue, brief bio of Peter Gambaccini
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: "In running, as in all endeavors, contributing editor Peter Gambaccini strays from the beaten path."

#554. WHO: Unknown writer
WHERE: NY Running, July/August 1999 issue, section about the Central Park Track Club
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: "If you haven't checked out our website, you're in for a treat --- membership info, race results, race photos, workouts, humor and occasional controversy." 
COMMENT # 1: What controversy ...? (yawn)
COMMENT # 2: There is no controversy except in the mind of Joe LeMay.

#553. WHO: Kim Mannen
SUBJECT: DOG GONE RUNNING
WHAT SHE WROTE: "Here's a funny story for you. I have been in Houston (TX) the past couple weeks visiting my parents (... that's not the funny part).  Despite having missed the last three CPTC track practices, I have been doing some speed work of my own. I decided to run in my parent's neighborhood, which is in Cypress (20 miles outside of Houston where there are horses and stuff).  While I was running, a dog started chasing me, and jumped up and bit my knee. I finished my run and got home to find a gash there.  My mom, being a nurse, send me to the emergency clinic to get checked out.  Luckily I had recently had a tetanus and the dog was wearing a collar with tags, so no rabies shots were needed.  I am okay and able to run.  I told my parents you might get mugged in Central park, but at least dogs are on leashes!"
QUESTION: Is this the dog?  If so, you will have solved a longtime mystery ...

#552. WHO: Peter Gambaccini
WHERE: July/August 1999 Issue of New York Running
TITLE OF ARTICLE: "Distance?"
SUBJECTS: His distance-running Central Park Track Club teammates
WHAT HE WROTE:

• Irene Jackson was once a stalwart miler at the Colgate Games and on Fifth Avenue, but at 50, she is more likely to race at 13.1 miles.  "At this stage of my life, I'm disinclined to hurt enough to run a good 5K, whereas I'm willing to put in the time and the energy to do a half marathon."  To Jackson, pounding the pavement for 90 minutes is less horrible than being in oxygen debt for even the slightest length of time.  "Maybe I ran one too many 1500-meter races," she suggests.   "I don't want to do that again."
  Irene Jackson ... has learned that compared to her halcyon days as miler, "you burn more calories in 90 minutes, which is more important when your metabolism slows down and gain 'avoirdupois'".
• Audrey Kingsley, who entered her first marathon on a dare and has lowered her time from 4:24 in 1995 to 3:00:55 in '98, finds that "mentally, I have it (the marathon distance) down, and I have that endurance.  I can just go on and on."  She runs, in one rival's description, "like a Swiss quartz watch."
• John Kenney, a frequent sub-25:00 five miler in the 1980's, moved up and won a memorable three-way 30-kilometer clash when he realized that imminent professional and family responsibilities (he's now a father of three) were about to put him out of the running.  "I knew that was the last time I'd have the time to train for it," he explains.
• Cynthia Willis, a 2:51 marathoner, who tips the scales at under 100 pounds, figures, "I'm lighter, I can carry myself farther.  I don't really sweat that much, so I don't knock out my electrolytes and get nailed by that." ... Cynthia Willis also prefers not to go "flat out," admitting she "couldn't stand speedwork" and "never thought it was necessary" for the marathon.   The long haul of 26.2 miles proved better for her than testing the anaerobic threshold of the 5K.  Oxygen debt was something she assiduously avoided "unless I was trying to beat someone down the sidewalk."  Willis, a psychotherapist, liked the "mental preparation" for the marathon and states, "I could basically put myself in a trance and feel nothing."
• Notorious for back-to-back endeavors like a 60K one week and a one-mile the next, the Central Park Track Club's Alan Ruben is reasonably indestructible and finds he doesn't have to make choices.  "The main focus is always the marathon, and that just so happens to be my strength as well.  The good thing about training for the marathon is that racing at just about any distance --- even the 5K, because it translates into more leg speed --- is going to help you."
  For Ruben, "the easiest race to run is the half-marathon.  You can settle into it, you don't have to go flat out from the start, and yet it's not so long that it tears you down."

#551. WHO: Frank Handelman
WHERE: December 1995 Central Park Track Club Newsletter
TITLE: "How I Finished Third, and Third Last"
WHAT HE WROTE:  I went to Cleveland to visit my father on the weekend of the New York City Marathon, and saw there was a cross-country meet on Saturday morning --- the Lake Erie Association Athletic Congress Championships.  I called the organizers and learned that the course was five kilometers, flat, on grass, with three awards per age group, for men and women.  Sounds good, I thought, even though I'm in the middle of my layoff between the summer and indoor track seasons.  Besides, I hadn't raced in Ohio in, literally, decades, and my dad was eager for me to do it.

I woke up Saturday to a monsoon, winds of 25 to 30 miles an hour, driving rain.   I hadn't pre-entered so I thought, well, skip the race, but my father wouldn't let me back out.  Oh, come on, he said, it's on the way to Columbus anyhow, let's do it (as if he was going to run, although at 88, working full-time, living alone and keeping up the house, he'd probably win his age group).  We were off to Columbus to see the Ohio State-Illinois football game with my brother and his family and the race was on the way.  So we went.  The rain was coming so hard against the windshield I wanted to pull over.  But my dad said, come on, it's not so bad, we have to get there in time to sign up.

We arrived to find an empty parking lot on the community college campus, surrounded by expanses of flat lawn.  Well, at least they were right about the course.  There were two or three cars parked, but nobody jogging around.  It was half an hour before the start.  Registration was in a minivan.  A woman lowered her window.

"I'd like to enter, please." I filled out the form.
"You didn't put in your TAC number." She handed the form back.
"I don't have it with me.  I didn't expect to race here, I'm visiting from New York."
"Well, then you can't enter."

I look around me.  I say, "How many people have entered so far?"   "Three," she said.  Then I noticed some officials, over at the starting line, setting up flags for the finish.  Through the rain and mist I see several officials at the first turn about 60 yards away.  I look across the campus.   It looked like there was maybe a dozen people at all the different corners, holding flags and resetting the chalk line on the grass (later I counted 15 officials during the race).  I try again.  "Look, I promise you I'm a member of TAC. I ran a whole summer of track meets and then in the World Masters meet in Buffalo in July.   You couldn't do that without a TAC number, I'll fax it to you next week."   She didn't have a clue as to all this track talk and was sure I was flat out lying.   But after huddling with other officials in the van, she reluctantly took my entry fee.

Warming up was impossible; any running you did would just make your shoes heavier.  I took off all my sweats because I figured the more clothes I wore, the heavier I would get from the rain.  At the starting line, there were five of us, all men.  There were four starting line officials.

I immediately seized 3rd place and stayed there the rest of the way.   Running into the wind we must have been going 10- or 11-minute per mile pace.   With the wind, it felt twice as fast.  At every turn on the two loop course, there were beautiful new flags and chalk markings and several officials.  The figure-8 course took us past the parking lot four times.  My father, behind the wheel of his car, seemed to be reading the newspaper every time I went by, although he later swore he was watching the race.  It felt like running on a soft, swishy treadmill on movie set with wind and rain provided for dramatic effect.  At the finish, the spread between first and last place was less than a minute, but no one seemed to have any desire to get out of the position they were in.  I recalled the March 1974 Earth Day Marathon at Eisenhower Park on Long Island, when it was all I could do to run in a straight line because the wind was so heavy.  I finished in 21:46, exactly 7:00 minute pace, and was quite pleased with myself.  I figured that I at least won my age group, but it turned out that the guy in 2nd place was 55 years old.

It was ludicrous to warm down, but I did walk away with the winner, who ran for the Summit A.C., out of Akron.  Back when I ran for the Cleveland Striders, a midwest powerhouse track team in the A.A.U. days of the 1960's, the Summit A.C. had been our main competition.  I commented on the astonishing ratio of officials to runners, and the lack of women.  I said, this must be the smallest race they have ever had there.   It's certainly the smallest I ever ran in.

He looked at me with a smile and said, "Last Saturday I ran the Ohio State TAC Championships in Columbus, on the Ohio State golf course, on a beautiful autumn day."

"How did you do?" I asked.
"I won", he said.
"How many entrants did they have?" I asked.
"Six," he said.

#550. WHO: Claudia Malley
TO WHOM: Roland Soong
SITUATION: After the July 15th, 1999 road workout, Claudia came by to chat and downloaded an earful of information.  At which point, she turned around and said ...
WHAT SHE SAID: "This had better not show up in the website gossip column!   Or else there will be a headline like 'Gossip columnist attacked in park by unknown perpetrator wearing wig!'"
COMMENT: Yes, we believe her.  After all, she was reputed to have picked up running just so she won't get into trouble hanging out at the street corner ...

#549. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: A club-organized death march in New Paltz on July 31st, 1999 was found to be on the same date as the New York City Marathon Long Training Run in Central Park
WHAT HE SAID: "Whom would you rather run with?  The New York Road Runners Club or us?  That should not be hard to choose.  So let's go and kick some 'gunk butt!" (see #548 below)

#548. WHO: "The Black Prince of the Shawangunks" (SNOOP6123@aol.com)
WHAT HE WROTE: "Years ago, we in the Shawangunk Mountains knew CPTC runners were effete impotent urban wimps (except, perhaps, Sid Howard).  After perusing your web site, I am convinced that the present generation of CPTClubbers pale in comparison to even their motley predecessors.  It's obvious why the 'Wiz' has not subjected any of you 'fat pussy toads' to an infamous 'death run'.   Perhaps some of your 'hardier' members would be willing to venture north and re-establish an old tradition and convince me that I never really knew anything!    P.S.  I think I could persuade the local authorities to allow Tony Ruiz back in the county (for maybe 72 hours if we lock up our women and children)."
COMMENT: Success inevitably attracts jealousy ...
REPLY: "Come on, get real, how could anybody who lives and runs in the Shawangunk Mts. ever be jealous of some one forced to live out (it can be a fun place to visit ) their existence in the urban blight called NYC? I have to agree with Tony, why would anyone choose to do a long run in Central Park if they have the opportunity to run in the Shawangunk Mts. around those pristine glacial lakes.  Perhaps, your bravado is covering up fear.  Even given our much smaller population pool, we are convinced that our gene pool is superior! Don't even think about bringing up that tired, old saw about country inbreeding.  P.S. Orange is ugly!  Sincerely, 'The Black Prince of the Shawangunks'"

QUESTION: Who is this "Black Prince of the Shawangunks"?
When Tony Ruiz heard about the note, he said, "It must be that Steve Schallenkamp!"

#547. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SITUATION: Upon being asked why she would run the Tavern On The Green Breakfast Run, a fun run in which times are not recorded and no one would ever find out about her time (unless they get up at 6am)
WHAT SHE SAID: "... but not if you finish in the top three."
COMMENT: She would finish second in the 1999 edition of the race.

#546. WHO: Stuart Calderwood
WHEN: After the track workout of July 13th, 1999
WHAT HE SAID: "It is harder and harder to keep up with the kids."
COMMENT: Someone consoled him by saying, "Don't worry, because they never last.  Time is on your side."
ERRATUM: Stuart wrote: "Wait a minute --- I said  '...harder and harder to HOLD OFF the kids!'  They ain't ahead of me yet!  P.S. Please get me Jonathan Pillow's race schedule, so I can plan vacations for those weekends."
POSTSCRIPT: At the road workout of July 15th, 1999, Stuart Calderwood was seen running with Jonathan Pillow and gasping, "Make him slow down!"  Fortunately, the rest of the kids were far behind beyond the horizon.

#545. WHO: Roland Soong
SUBJECT: Workout descriptions
WHAT HE SAID: "Once upon a time, Alan Bautista asked me to post descriptions of the workouts.  I thought it was a stupid idea.  If you were at the workout, then you don't have to read it.  If you were not at the workout, then they are pointless.  Now, after posting these descriptions for half a year, I find that they are one of the principal drivers of traffic to this web site.  Go figure ..."
COMMENT # 1: In hindsight, Alan Bautista, you are a genius ...
COMMENT # 2: A careful reading of those descriptions may cause you to wonder if people are reading them for content or malicious character assassination?

#544. WHO: Jennifer Tosti (of The Pullman Group)
SUBJECT: Her boss, David Pullman
WHAT SHE WROTE: "You know, it's us hard-working employees that allow David to live a life of leisure ... and running."
COMMENT: Please note the dissociation of running from leisure.
THE INQUISITION (David to Jennifer): "Did you say anything else?"

#543. WHO: Carlos Castañeda
WHEN: As quoted by CPTC President Betty Marolla in the 1993 newsletter, about how to run races
WHAT HE WROTE: "The trick is what one emphasizes.  We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong.  The amount of work is the same."

#542. WHO: Stuart Calderwood
SUBJECT: Lola, in the movie Run, Lola, Run
WHAT HE SAID: "Based upon her arm motion, her leg turnover and her long stride length, I estimate her to be running 80 second quarters."
ADDENDUM: "There is more running in this movie than any other movie that I have ever seen."

#541. WHO: Alan Bautista
WHEN: June 3rd, 1999
WHAT HE SAID: "I was on Ch. 2 News today at 6pm, which will be repeated tonight at 11pm and maybe tomorrow am.  I was interviewed by Roz Miller about heatstroke. You better be alert, though, because I was on during the first 5 minutes and I'm only on for about 10 sec ( far from my 100m time)." 
POSTSCRIPT: As it turns out, Alan was edited out of the 11pm edition.  Here is his explanation: "I was supposed to be in the clip immediately after the girls sunning in their thongs at Orchard Beach. I think Ch 2 reacted to a complaint that they stated that I work at Lennox Hill instead of Our Lady of Mercy. The easiest solution for them was to cut me out, although all my points (drink fluid, etc) were shown in the graphics.  Easy come, easy go ..."

#540. WHO: Frank Handelman
SUBJECT: Assessment of his term as the President of the Central Park Track Club, 1988-1990
WHAT HE SAID: "The worst thing that happened when I was president was that George Bush got elected to president of the USA the same time I became president of the Central Park Track Club.  Unfortunately, I knew when to leave and George didn't."

#539. WHO: Stacy Weissman (of Donavan Data Systems)
WHEN: July 7th, 1999, at noon on this hot and sunny 90+ degree day (Extreme Heat Warning in effect for the region)
WHERE: Outside of her office building, 19th Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
TO WHOM: Ramon Bermo, a co-worker who was dripping in sweat after having just gone for a run
WHAT SHE SAID: "You're crazy!"
COMMENT: It goes without say that this was received as a compliment of the highest order ...

#538. WHO: Mary Rosado
SUBJECT: Masters World Championships, 1995, Buffalo (NY)
WHAT SHE SAID: "I understand that my teammates feel that the highlight of my trip was the many hours I spent in the medical tent while the medics massaged my buttocks for a strain I sustained during my first attempt at running the 5000m."

#537. WHO: Scott Willett
SUBJECT: Analysis of Stacy Creamer's PR (by 36 seconds) at the 1999 Lesbian & Gay Pride Run
WHAT HE WROTE: "Look at what just a single triathlon per year can do for Stacy."
COMMENT: Unsurprisingly tinted opinion from someone who says, "I have no life outside triathlons."

#536. WHO: Hank Berkowitz
WHEN: Hank overcame abdominal pains, leg cramps and 10-15 mph headwinds to win the 23rd annual Long Beach Island Run in 1995.  Throughout the race, he knew that there was one runner ahead of him.
WHAT HE SAID: "I was pretty surprised when I saw the finishing tape stretched out in front of me.  I thought maybe they had a separate chute for women and I was in the wrong chute."
EXPLANATION: That other guy was not registered in the race!

#535. WHO: Jane Harris
WHEN: Thanksgiving 1995 vacation
WHERE: Chile
WHAT SHE SAID: "I was the only woman running there.  The construction workers loved it.  I had to cover my ears every time I ran by."

#534. WHO: Chris Taylor
WHERE: In the Run The Planet section for New York City, USA
WHAT HE WROTE: "There is a running track in the Lower East Side, East 6th Street and the FDR highway. Entrance is free and there are always groups of runners there. Central Park Track Club (a great bunch of people) meet there at 7pm on Tuesdays and at 7pm on Thursdays in Central Park by the Daniel Webster Statue (West 72nd Street). Running round the park - use the bridleway for horses it is much softer on the feet."

#533. WHO: Ross Galitsky
TOPIC: Why he loved the Mount Washington Race, a straight 7.6 mile climb
WHAT HE SAID: "Coach George Wisniewski and his "Dignity! Form! Style!" slogan would not be heard above the wind up there and no one would be able to see my running form up there anyway with almost zero visibility."

#532: WHO: Eric Aldridge / Eric Goetze
TO WHOM: Jonathan Pillow, who had not yet been on the Central Park Track Club website at that time
WHAT THEY SAID (IN UNISON): "That website is addictive!"

#531. WHO: Michele Tagliati
SUBJECT: The photos taken by his friend Serge at the 1999 Lesbian & Gay Pride Run
WHAT HE SAID: "Well, there was a picture of me at the finish line, looking like as if I was just shot by a gun.  That's one picture that will never appear on the website.  Someday, I may take it out of the drawer and laugh about it over a beer."
COMMENT: There is no greater crime than withholding of information ...

#530. WHO: Mary V. Rosado
TO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: Her time for the mile run at the 1999 Randolph International Meet
WHAT SHE SAID: "Hey, T, my time was so bad that I am not going to tell you."
COMMENT: Instead, she forwards her time to the website for publication.  Go figure ...

# 529. WHO: Autumn Miller
TITLE OF ARTICLE: The Ultimate Mind-Body Workout (Natural Health, February 28th, 1999)
WHAT SHE WROTE: When Stacy Creamer, a 39-year-old book editor and competitive distance runner, stepped up to the starting line of her eighth marathon, she knew she'd have to keep self-doubts at bay. The 16-mile mark was her classic crisis point: "I'd think, 'I have 10 more miles and I'm really tired.'" In preparation for previous races, Creamer had focused entirely on getting her body ready. This time, however, she included mind-body techniques in her training. "Every time I'd start to have a bad thought, a negative `I can't do this,' I'd just say, `Negative thoughts need not apply,'" she says. Whenever self-doubt resurfaced, she focused on her affirmation, reminding herself, "There is no room in this brain for negative thoughts--I am not admitting a single one." When she crossed the finish line, she had achieved a new personal record, finishing six minutes faster than she'd ever run before.

#528. WHO: Sid Howard
WHEN: Upon learning that Tony Ruiz gave his team singlet to newcomer Jonathan Pillow to wear in his first race for the team
WHAT HE SAID: "You might as well as give it away, since you haven't worn it all year."
COMMENT: Let it be duly noted that this would be team-leading singlet in that race.

#527. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: The 1999 edition of the 18-mile Alan Ruben death march through the mountains around New Paltz, an occasion attended by Alan Ruben, Tony Ruiz, Victor Osayi and Audrey Kingsley.   For the record, Audrey dropped out at eleven miles, Victor fell off the pace at fifteen miles and the other two finished together after some interesting surges.
WHAT HE SAID: "You guys probably thought that I couldn't run long, but I can do it.  As for the hills, you should know that they call me Baby Death."

#526. WHO: Scott Willett
SUBJECT: The Ironman Triathlon boot camp operated by his Tortoise-to-Hare Training Inc in June 1999 (see #525 & #524 below for rave reviews)
WHAT HE WROTE: "Based upon the posted reviews of our Lake Placid Leisure Week, we are changing the name of our company from T2H (Tortoise to Hare) Training Inc, to the more realistic H20 (Hare - to - nothing) Training Inc. Our specialty is taking them, and breaking them."

#525. WHO: J.P. Cheuvront
WHEN: June 22nd, 1999 Tuesday track workout
SUBJECT: The Ironman Triathlon boot camp run by Tortoise-to-Hare Training Inc. (namely, Scott Willett and Ann Snoeyenbos) during the previous week
WHAT HE SAID: "It was a lot of fun."
COMMENT: He goes on to say, "Of course, after that boot camp, I am obviously incapable of running today.  So I am here as a volunteer timer."  Fun?   He had so much fun that he couldn't walk?

#524. WHO: Ramon Bermo
SUBJECT: The Ironman Triathlon boot camp run by Tortoise-to-Hare Training Inc. (namely, Scott Willett and Ann Snoeyenbos)
WHAT HE SAID: "It was great.  Every day, Scott had this schedule of activities.  I thought that we would never be able to do all of the listed things.  But we did them all, plus some more."
WHAT ELSE HE SAID: "Scott would take videos of us and play them at meals, hoping to show us some technical points as well as to provide entertainment.   There was one person who never seemed to be able to swim in a straight line ..."

FOOTNOTE: This boot camp took place at Lake Placid, the site for Ironman USA to come in two months' time.  This gave the triathletes the opportunity to scout the course.  Already Ramon Bermo said, "There is at least one hill that I will have to walk up."  Excuse us, the race hasn't even started and he is all set to walk?

#523. WHO: Alan Ruben
WHEN: June 26th, 1999, right after the Lesbian and Gay Pride Run held in hot and humid weather
WHAT HE SAID: "Does anyone want to go running?"
COMMENT: While his teammates burst into hysterical giggles because they thought he was being extremely funny, he was in fact deadly serious.  That photo was taken specifically to commemorate the occasion of this comment.  What do you suppose he was thinking?  "Losers!"?

#522. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
TO WHOM: Roland Soong
WHEN: June 24th, 1999 workout
WHAT SHE SAID: "Yes, I'd like to ask a technical question.  Is it true that when you set up a web page using Microsoft FrontPage, the result may not look right on a Netscape browser?  Of course, I won't tell you which web page I'm working on ..."
REWARD PROGRAM: We offer 10 credits to the first person who turns her web page in to us.   What is a credit?  It is either a call option or a put option.  A call option gives you the right to insert something onto the website (provided it does not pertain to the website guy personally).  A put option gives you the right to delete something from the website (especially useful if it pertains to you).

#521. WHO: Harvey Agosto
WHAT HE SAID: "This club needs to recruit more younger people, because I am usually the youngest person at the workouts."
COMMENT: ... and, pray tell, what's wrong with being the youngest person?

#520. WHO: Stuart Calderwood
SITUATION: Upon seeing the race results for the Father's Day Fight Against Prostrate Cancer posted on this website
WHAT HE WROTE: "Although some of the competitors (but no one on OUR team) in the Run for Prostrate Cancer may indeed have become prostrate soon after the race, and although 'running for prostate cancer' doesn't sound like something that many people would want to do (I'd rather run from it!), the race's name does indeed need one fewer "r." RRegards from waterr-rrunning countrry, Stuarrt."

#519. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SUBJECT: Michael Trunkes' win at the 1999 Long Island Gold Coast Triathlon, with these splits and placings:

WHAT HE SAID: "See, I told you that he should be running instead of swimming and biking."

#518. WHO: Roland Soong
WHAT HE SAID: "I have done some research on the market for running-related books.  I think that I have found a niche not served by any existing book.  My proposal is Running Through Your Injuries.  If our club is representative of the running community at large, there must be quite a lot of practitioners and believers out there.  People like Stuart Calderwood, Victor Osayi and Sid Howard should be able to help me with some great ideas, experiences and logs."

#517. WHO: Sid Howard
WHEN: June 20th, 1999
SUBJECT: Race results for the President's Cup Night 5K (Monday, June 14th)
WHAT HE SAID: "At the Tuesday workout, I made sure that I did not say a word about this race.  When I got home that night, I got on the computer and found it listed on the website.  Man, oh man, how do you do it?"
COMMENT: Just because you did not make a direct comment does not mean that there were verbal and visual cues (e.g. the fact that you ran your own workout meant that either you did or you will do something unusual).

#516. WHO: Julie Denney
WHEN: At the June 17th, 1999 workout, the weather forecast said heavy rains to come.  Julie's teammates pointed out that she was a swimmer and therefore should have nothing to fear.
WHAT SHE SAID: "But I don't have my goggles with me.  I am useless without them."

#515: WHO: Roland Soong
TO WHOM: Patty Perez (not a member of the club; one-time triathlete while taking phys-ed course in college; got painful shin splints the last time she tried running)
WHAT HE SAID: "If you let me build your website, I promise to make you famous.   I can cross-promote you and your business on a very popular website."
FOLLOW-UP: Patty has not accepted this fantastic offer as yet, possibly because she failed to see why a website for her business requires her to provide photographs from her high school days, her wedding, her honeymoon, etc.

#514. WHO: Michael Konig
SUBJECT: Obsessive-compulsive running
WHAT HE SAID: "I once had a 20 plus year streak of running everyday.  That was the worst thing I ever did.  If I can choose all over again, I would never have done it."

#513. WHO: Brian Marchese
SUBJECT: How to fit racing, which usually take place on weekend mornings, with the fact that he work very late hours on weekends (like till 4am).
WHAT HE SAID: "If they can run the races at the time of the Thursday evening workouts, I would have some great races."

#512. WHO: Frank Handelman
WHAT HE SAID: "You can always look good if you run alone because people can't tell how fast you are really running."

#511. WHO: James Brown
SITUATION: In his 40 plus years as an entertainer, this 'Hardest Working Man in the Music Industry' has sang these words many times.  But perhaps the moment in which these words were most appropriate was when he signed a eight-figure bond deal with David Pullman.
WHAT HE SAID: "Oww! I feel good.  I knew that I would"

#510. WHO: Sid Howard
TO WHOM: A teammate who did not run a PR
WHAT HE SAID: "Speaking from personal experience, that may not be a bad thing.   If you are setting PR's in every race over the last few months, you are just heading for an injury."

#509. WHO: David Blackstone / Fritz Mueller
SUBJECT: The Central Park Reservoir Loop
WHAT FRITZ SAID: "Ah, I know the reservoir loop very well.  I used to run six loops every day, each loop faster than the preceding one."
WHAT DAVE SAID: "I used to run seven reservoir loops every weekday, and then I run 40 miles over the weekend to make my 100 mile week."
COMMENT (from Tony Ruiz): "Ah, yes, I remember Fritz.   He would pass me on the fourth or fifth loop, and I wouldn't see him again."
COMMENT (from Frank Handelman): "Even in the 1970's, when these two guys could run, there were those who raced at the Reservoir, and those who raced with a number on."

#508. WHO: Thomas Pennell
WHAT HE SAID: "I didn't go to the website last week, so I missed that cover photo of J.P. Cheuvront.  Can you replay it for me?"
COMMENT: We don't usually do encores, but we will just this once.  You are supposed to check in every day, because you may be the subject.

#507. WHO: Alan Ruben
SUBJECT: Sharkade, named as his favorite sports drink when he was asked as a nominee of the NYRRC 1999 Male 40-44 Runner of the Year
WHAT HE SAID: "They asked me to be humorous in answering.  So I thought about the Sharkade guy whom I met in Boulder, Colorado for the Colleen de Reuck interview."
COMMENT: Yes, we could never associate the very mild and innocent-looking Alan with sharks.  Or do we?

#506. WHO: Carmine Petracca
SITUATION: When told that Bola Awofeso crossed the finish line in a time of 2:40:32 in a marathon (to be precise, as the anchor leg runner of the 1999 Vermont Marathon Relay team)
WHAT HE SAID: "Let me guess what you did the night before ... you ate pasta!"
COMMENT: So did (almost) everyone else (see photos!).

#505. WHO: Sonya Witt
TO WHOM: The web photographer
SUBJECT: About the collection of photos of the winning team of Randy Ehrlich & Sonya Witt at the 1999 Spring Couples Relay
WHAT SHE SAID: "Thank you ... (long pause) ... I think ..."

#504. WHO: Stacy Creamer
SUBJECT: Two photos of her (Photo 1 and Photo 2) crossing the finish line at the Vermont Marathon Relay
WHAT SHE WROTE: "I particularly appreciate the two shots of me crossing the finish.  These are guaranteed to be the only pics of me finishing under a clock that reads '3:02:41' --- unless I'm having a really, really bad half marathon."

#503. WHO: Bola Awofeso
SUBJECT: Strategic planning for the 1999 Vermont Marathon Relay
SITUATION:  As team captain, Bola had the responsibility of determining where to run the four runners in the five-leg marathon relay.  Notwithstanding Andreas Nolte's protestation of not having raced in the two years, Bola assigned Andreas to run two legs (first and fourth).
WHAT HE SAID: "Whatever else, he was not going to run the last leg because I was determined to cross the finish line myself."
POSTSCRIPT: Bola would cross the finish in a time of 2:40:32, which was a few minutes slower than Andreas Nolte's individual marathon PR.  Here is the (non-) proof.

WHAT Sarah Gross SAID: "Yes, I can appreciate that because I was photographed crossing the finish line last year in 2:48.  I was even prouder of the fact that our co-ed team finished fourth, because the top three teams all had four men and one women while our team was made up of four gals and one Dane."
COMMENT: We understand that the Dane has fled the country just before the 1999 race.  Did he have reason to be afraid?

#502. WHO: Irene Jackson-Schon
WHEN: 1999 Ridgewood 10K
SITUATION: Upon being passed near the end of the race by teammate Eden ("Superheavy Breather") Weiss
WHAT SHE SAID: "Hey, Eden, that is too loud and too much noise for a 46 minute 10K."

#501. WHO: Frank Schneiger
WHERE: His article in the 1995 Central Park Track Club newsletter
WHAT HE WROTE:

P.W. AT THE LAKEFRONT MARATHON: HEARTLAND RACE HORROR
Harry Morales pushes teammate over 4-hour mark

The Central Park Track Club had two representatives at the 15th Lakefront Marathon in Milwaukee on October 8th.  This race presents stark contrasts to the New York City Marathon.   At the outset, these comparisons seem to all be in Milwaukee's favor.  The race starts at 8:00,and most runners arrive at the start at about 7:30.  No four-hour lead time to get to Staten Island, no crypto-fascist security forces, and no crush to get a good spot on the bridge.  Harry Morales and Frank Schneiger proudly represented the orange and white (or whatever the team colors are this week) at the starting line.  Tragically, this show of team solidarity would lie in ruins in just four hours.

Both CPTC runners had set personal goals for this race.  For Harry Morales, it was to run a race without further enhancing his reputation for projectile vomiting.  For Frank Schneiger, it was to prove that a marathon could be run under four hours with no training.  Both dreams would be shattered.

With the exception of the use of what appeared to be a Glock 9mm as the starting pistol, the race start was uneventful.  As usual, the first milestone came at two miles, with the dawning realization that it was important to train for these events and an overwhelming desire to bag it.  This part of the race is rural farmland with virtually no spectators.  The weather was almost perfect, clear, upper fifties, no wind.  This meant that there would have to be creativity in finding excuses for a bad performance.

At about six miles, the race leaves rural America and the course enters Milwaukee's wealthy northern suburbs.  The contrast with New York could not be more complete.  The Brooklyn portion of the New York City Marathon has always been the most interesting part to me.  Even a New Yorker cannot help but be struck by the diversity of the city.  And the best bands are in this stretch.  I always wonder what first-time foreign runners must think when they see these neighborhoods.

In Milwaukee, these wealthy suburbs are called River Hills, Fox Point and Brown Deer, and even dimly-aware runners realize that they have entered turboland.  While more than a million New Yorkers of every variety watch the New York City Marathon, I would guess that approximately 10,000 spectators were scattered along the Lakefront Marathon course.  To the best of my knowledge, every one of them was white, almost all of them looked as if they had just picked out their fall wardrobe at Eddie Bauer, and I felt regularly threatened by Jeep Cherokees and Land Rovers with baby killer bumpers that were emerging from driveways that were longer than the Henry Hudson Parkway.  There was no litter, no abandoned mansions, no cracked roadways.  Everything was nice.  Why was this dispiriting, while the New York course, for all its squalor and physical ugliness, is exciting and uplifting?

This little excursion into sociology aside, I was approaching the halfway split at slightly over 3:30 pace.  Bad vibes were setting in about seven miles too soon.   A search of the memory bank dredged up a usable strategy: at 17 miles, I would start walking at each water station.  Also, think positive,.  Unlike New York, there are no hills to dread at 22, 22.4. 24.5 and Central Park South.  The whole course is flat, except for a downhill at 23.  I repeatedly did these mental comparisons to prove how lucky I was.

At 24 miles, it was possible to do a calibration to make sure that I would finish under four hours.  Things look good for a 3:58.  Then the nightmare: at 24.5, my rental car pulled up along the course.  The wife of my best friend of 45 years was at the wheel.  (He is such a great friend that he had gone home to watch the Green Bay Packers game).  She informs me that Harry is very sick and that she has to take him back to the hotel.  I inform her that Harry is always very sick, that she has only known him for four hours, and that everyone is going to die someday.  I also discover that my backpack with warmups is in the car, and that I will freeze to death while Harry is receiving first-rate healthcare back at the hotel.  I take my backpack.  I put it on my back.  (Elapsed time: one minute plus).  Have you ever carried a 40-pound backpack at the 25 mile mark of a marathon?  Have you ever been kicked in the mouth by someone wearing size 13 steel-tipped shoes? Have you ... well, you get the picture.

Now truly in the Clydesdale division, a heavy-duty foul mood is taking over.   A smiling supportive woman says, "Lookin' good!  Almost there!"   Up yours, lady!  26 mile mark, time 3:59:20.  Thanks, Harry.  At 26.1, I spot one of my brothers and stop to share a childhood memory (a bad one).   Finish time, 4:02.

Postscript: Harry Morales was later to receive the Linda Blair Lifetime Achievement Award.  He thought this was a great honor and has been carrying a vial of foul, green liquid to the workouts and muttering about "starting the healing process."

Official finishing times: Harry Morales, 3:16:43, his fastest marathon in years; Frank Schneiger, 4:02:46, his worst since birth.

"Thank you, once again, Harry.
I couldn't have done it without you."

Harry Morales replied in the December 1995 newsletter as follows:

In regards to Frank Schneiger's inflammatory (you never thought you would read that word in this newsletter, huh?) article in newsletter, it seems that I've been cast in the role of a scapegoat.  First, I can attest that everything Frank wrote about the course, the atmosphere surrounding the race, and his careless half-hearted performance is true, and very nicely written, I must say.  What is not true is everything he wrote about me, namely, my "reputation for projectile vomiting," and that I became so sick after the marathon that I had to be driven to my hotel immediately.  Despite my past battles with post-marathon nausea, Milwaukee Frank's description of my finish line near-death is quite an exaggeration, to say the least.   Furthermore, who would anyone believe: A 15-year "veteran" of this venerated track club, or a former all-city (Milwaukee) baseball player who hails from a talented family of athletes (for some reason, I've always felt that the word "jock(s)" is demeaning, so I try never to write it or use it was a reference) who recently joined (thanks to my prodding and partial "sponsorship") and obviously has an ax to grind, some point to make, a chip on this shoulder ... As a matter of fact, he's even been known to criticize the newsletter, complaining that there were certain club members who were enjoying far too much attention, although negative, in the pages of the newsletter.  I guess he felt this way right up until he, too, started submitting his own misleading articles. 

Now that I've made the necessary reply to his article, are Frank and I still amigos?  Sure, absolutely.  Will nausea and vomiting continue to be part of my marathons?  Probably, but I'm much better at controlling it now and I hope to improve on my progress.  Will Frank and I ever travel to another race or marathon again?  Well, probably; he's been mumbling about the Revco-Cleveland Marathon in May and the Portland Marathon at the end of September, and thinks that if he can get into shape, maybe marathons #41 and #42 won't turn out to be wasteful experiences.