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#100: WHO: The entire group of team members who
attended the group workout, with one noticeable omission
WHEN: Thursday, January 22, 1998
SITUATION: The group had started out en masse slowly up the
west side. A few moments later, one individual
peeled away and headed up the West 77th Street exit, clearly bound
for some other destination. Due to the compactness of the group,
his actions were highly visible. The group began yelling "Traitor!"
and other similarly endearing terms. Amidst the cacophony, one voice
soared loudly with the very appropriate word ...
WHAT WAS SAID: "JUDas!"
COMMENT: It would not be so bad if the strayer needed to conserve
his energy for a weekend race. But this person was observed prior
to the workout to be running around the lower loop because he "needed
the extra mileage."
MILESTONE: Even though this was strictly a coincidence,
it was appropriate that this particular individual should be the
subject of the 100th famous saying. It seems that his hobby is to
collect web visitor counter milestones.
# 99: WHO: Rick Shaver
WHEN: He had not realized that this web site had been tracking him
closely on this comeback trail ...
WHAT HE WROTE: "I had no idea what I've been missing. Thanks
... I think."
COMMENT: Ambivalence seems to be a common sentiment around here.
#98. WHO: Roland Soong
SUBJECT: The difficulty of maintaining 70 miles a week running
WHAT HE SAID: "I go out to the track on Tuesday, and I total
7 miles of hard running. Then I realize that I would have to run
a half-marathon the next day just to maintain the 10 miles-a-day
average."
COROLLARY: Thou shalt never take a day off ... or else thou shalt
have to do a 20 miler the next day.
COMMENT: By the way, these are very ancient memories of his.
#97: WHO: Jiyon Lee, MD
WHEN: After the Frostbite 10 Miler, a male team member explained
that he did not race because of Achilles tendinitis.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Hmm ... this is quite unusual. Typically, this
happens with women who wear high heels, which shorten their tendons,
and who then try to run, which stretches their tendons. In your
case, you must have been ..."
COMMENT: Hold that thought ! Say no more!
#96: WHO: Harry Nasse
SUBJECT: Running and getting older
WHERE: Winter 1990 Club newsletter
WHAT HE SAID: "You learn to live with the humiliation."
COMMENT #1: That was 8 years ago. What does he have to say now?
COMMENT #2: Hey, whoever is keeping and re-reading these ancient
newsletters should get a life ...!
#95. WHO: Sarah Gross
SUBJECT: Tony Ruiz's 10-minute description of the Thursday
workout in the first week of January 1998.
WHAT SHE SAID: "I need someone to prepare a summary for me
... in bullet points."
COMMENT: Let it be clear that there is no hostility implied, and
Sarah is one of Tony Ruiz's many fans/friends (including
moi too!). We like him just the way he is.
COMMENT: To show you what we mean, let us recount one of our favorite
moments. At one workout in the summer of 1997, Tony went through
the list of recent race results and gave praise to various people.
Then he asked, "Is there anything else?" At that point,
someone stepped up and said, "Oh, someone named Tony Ruiz
is supposed to have ran well at the Prospect Park 5K (16+ minutes,
top 5 finish) last night? Do you know anything about that?"
Tony actually blushed and stuttered! We mean, the man did not think
that his own accomplishments were worth mentioning to the club!
#94. WHO: Bill Dunlop
SUBJECT: Photos taken at the 1998 Frostbite 10 miler
WHAT HE SAID: "How come it seems that the photographer is always
stationed at hilltops?
ANSWER: Obviously, we are interested in expressions of agony and
distress.
#93. WHO: John Landry
WHEN: At the first Thursday workout of 1998, right before the 10
Miler on Saturday
WHAT HE SAID: "Well, I never had so many pictures taken of
me at a race [re: the December race], and I never thought that I
would have my pictures posted on the Internet. So where on the course
did you say you are going to be on this weekend?"
THE RESPONSE: "We will be here, there and everywhere. So your
job is to run hard all the way and, more importantly, you have to
look good before, during and after the race."
COMMENT: Everybody else take note!
#92. WHO: Frank Handelman
WHEN: At the finish line of the 1997 Holiday 20K, won in a time
of 1:08 this time, whereas Frank could only finish third when he
ran 1:06 once upon a time.
SUBJECT: The sad, sorry state of running today, being primarily
due to a lack of commitment to train hard.
WHAT HE SAID: "I was running 70 miles a week back then and
the other guys would say I was lazy."
COMMENT: Frank, nowadays you run zero mile a week and the other
guys say you are lazy --- with good cause.
#91. WHO: Mel Washington
SITUATION: At the 1996 1+2+3=6 Relay Race, the Central Park Track
Club Co-ed Master team of Mel Washington, Suzanne Rohr
and Phil Vasquez came in first, beating a rival Central Park
Track Club team of Frank Schneiger, Jane Kenney and
Jeff English. Mel exercised his bragging rights by saying
...
WHAT HE SAID: "My only disappointment today is that they awarded
2nd and 3rd place trophies."
COMMENT: Yes, you should kick them, especially when they are down.
POSTLUDE: An unamused Jane Kenney promised
to bring her husband John Kenney, who would finally be of
age, in next year's race. Now John alone would have whipped the
Washington-Rohr-Vasquez team collectively by 5 minutes on the 6
mile course. Unfortunately, this long anticipated confrontation
never took place because the race was (in)conveniently discontinued.
#90. WHO: Sylvie Kimché
SUBJECT: The style and content on this web site
WHAT SHE SAID: "Unfortunately, my corporate
web site is nowhere as humorous."
COMMENT: Quite the opposite. Fortunately is the word. She is with
a classy corporation, for which the abusive and cruel behavior that
characterizes this web site would be highly inappropriate.
#89. WHO: Jud Santos
WHAT: His description of those unrecorded fun races that some (slower)
members run because their times are undiscovered.
HIS EXACT WORDS: "... these celebrations of fitness and privacy
..."
#88. WHO: Keith Royster
WHAT: A comment attached to the indoor track results that he reported
in
WHAT HE WROTE: "Just
know you'll only get results from races I do well in."
COMMENT: Keith files a protest: "That quote was taken out of
context, of course!" Of course. This is known as editorial
license. Don't blame me --- I learned it from Jud Santos
(see item #14 below, for example).
#87. WHO: Tony Ruiz
SITUATION: On December 18th, 1997, our assistant coach Tony got
the Thursday race workout to start at 7:26pm exactly. Tony was so
pleased with his accomplishment that he said ...
WHAT HE SAID: "Please tell the Executive Board to give me a
raise."
COMMENT: His perverse logic is that by talking and talking and talking,
he made sure that no latecomers were left stranded. This was his
notion of member service. But, Tony, what about the poor slob (moi!)
who showed up at 7:02pm and found himself all alone, and then stood
around for an eternity! (Note to the wise guy: The fact that I managed
to pick up a lot of gossip during this time is not relevant here).
#86. WHAT: Composite of many, many e-mail from unnamed
sources
SUBJECT: The most delightful note that the webmaster receives.
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: "Hey, here is some more dirt for your web
site ... blah, blah, blah ... blah, blah, blah ... and if you need
any more 'beef' to torment him/her, please don't hesitate to contact
me."
COMMENT: Yes, it really makes my day.
There is a converse to this --- namely, the dreaded
notice that club members receive from the webmaster: "If I
were XXXXXXXX, I would rush out and read the quote attributed to
him/her on the FAMOUS SAYINGS page of the Central Park Track
Club web site." Yes, that makes my day, too.
#85. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
SUBJECT: On the occasion when she arrived late at the 1997 Holiday
20K race, a 930am event that she thought would start at 10am.
WHAT SHE SAID: "I really am not that dumb."
COMMENT # 1: Nobody said you were dumb. If you have a fault, then
it is your willingness to trust the race organizers to schedule
these races in a convenient and consistent manner for the runners.
COMMENT # 2: (Dumb and dumber) If it makes you feel any better,
we can name people who went to races on the wrong day, the wrong
week and, God help us!, even to the wrong state!
COMMENT #3: Some inquiring mind wants to know the names and deeds
of these other individuals. Without going into my own long personal
history, there was a memorable occasion when Dan Hamner and
Sid Howard went to the 1993 National Masters Track Championship
in Montana. Dan purchased plane tickets for Billings, MT, instead
of Bozeman, MT where the meet was actually held. When they realized
that they were in the wrong city, they found a road map, rented
a car, drove 100 miles and arrived on time. So while they were not
late, it was certainly not due to careful planning. By the way,
Sid was first in the 1500m and 3000m, and Dan was 3rd in the 1500m.
Dan was advised not to quit his day job as a doctor, because he
was not likely to succeed as a travel agent ...
#84. WHO: Ross Galitsky
SUBJECT: A sample quotation from his collected sayings.
WHAT HE SAID: "If you cannot do it well, at least look marvelous
doing it!"
COMMENT: Judge for yourself by clicking here.
#83. WHO: John Gleason
SUBJECT: On being late to the 1997 Holiday 4 Miler, which was listed
somewhere as a 930am race but actually started at 900am.
WHAT HE SAID: "Well, you know, that's life."
COMMENT: Question: Which school of philosophy is John affiliated
with? Sufism? Taoism? Buddhism? Zen? Existentialism? ... Answer:
None of the above --- he is with NYFD.
#82. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: The secret to his PR at the 1997 Holiday 4 Miler
WHAT HE SAID: "For dinner on Saturday night, I had Polish sausage
with cheddar cheese and rice, and I added heavy cream to the rice.
Then I had chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I also stayed up
until 3am, sitting hunchbacked in front of a CRT."
COMMENT #1: While it may be hard for us to decipher the causal relationship,
Jud thinks it is self-evident: "It must have been the hormones
in the meat."
COMMENT #2: And so what did he eat on those other occasions when
he asterisked his race times with the proverbial "I really
am not that slow"?
#81. WHO: Rick Shaver
SUBJECT: On the reason why he set a personal worst (by 2 minutes)
at the 1997 Joe Kleinerman 10K
WHAT HE SAID: "What do you expect if you sit around for five
months, watching television, drinking beer and not running at all?"
COMMENT: Even so, a lot of people have trained 50+ miles per week
year around and still could not beat his personal worst (40:04).
Go figure ...
#80. WHO: Doug Kabbash
WHEN: Upon the first time that he scored for the team, being the
fifth member of a third-place team at the Holiday 20K, Central Park,
New York City, December 21, 1997.
WHAT HE SAID: "Don't I get a monument or something? Take Daniel
Webster down and put me up!"
COMMENT: Doug, you will get jaded eventually. Just ask Fritz
Muller where he keeps his trophies ("In the basement").
Until then, savor these moments!
#79. WHO: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: Thursday workout, 12/19/97
WHAT SHE SAID: "Because of this 20K race on Sunday, I am going
to cut this workout short. Tomorrow, I will work on the StairMaster
for only 90 minutes."
COMMENT: As soon as she saw who was among the listeners, she added
quickly, "I was just kidding!" Too little, too late, Audrey!
HELPFUL HINT FROM A FAUX AMI: In the future, begin everything
you say with, "This is off the record."
REVISIONIST HISTORY: Audrey says, "I
don't ever use the StairMaster, because it is bad for my knees.
I was just kidding. Really ..."
#78. WHO: Harry Morales
SUBJECT: The hair on his chest.
WHAT HE SAID: "It is hereditary ... and not from my father."
COMMENT: He is waiting for you to say that it must be from his mother,
so that he can punch you out. The correct answer is, "His uncles."
Don't say that you were not warned!
NOTE TO THE PERSISTENT PERSON WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHEN
TO STOP: No, Harry did not specify whether the uncles are from the
maternal or paternal side of the family. We urge you not to pursue
this line of inquiry any further ... if you value your life.
#77. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: The importance of being the person to reach milestones
on the web site visitor counter.
WHAT HE SAID: "It was a pleasure reloading this page six extra
times at 3:54am just to see that counter climb up, 3994, 3995, 3996,
3997, 3998, 3999, 4000."
COMMENT: So let's all start clicking now so that we can get to #5000
soon!
POSTSCRIPT: We are afraid that people are too literal-minded about
the comment --- within the next five days, we racked up an astounding
250 hits on our home page. Hey, people, how about this piece of
advice: "Get a life!"?
#76. WHO: George Wisniewski
SUBJECT: Freedom of speech as exercised on this web site
WHAT HE SAID: "I don't understand why the First Amendment should
protect people like Roland. I will have to consult with Jud (Santos)
about that."
COMMENT: The first sentence does not surprise us, as it is common
for people in authority (Richard Nixon, etc.) to blame the
media for all their problems. The second sentence is intriguing.
Since when has Jud become a Constitutional expert?
#75: WHO: Ross Galitsky
SUBJECT: The triathlon is a grueling/gruesome endurance event. It
is often supposed that triathletes must over-intellectualize their
efforts as they constantly evaluate the optimal allocation of efforts
among the different activities, whether in training or competition.
However, Ross has straightened us out with the following comments.
WHAT HE SAID: "In a triathlon, my thoughts are reduced to the
basic instincts, like: Me want food. Me want fluid. Me move this
foot. Me move other foot ..."
COMMENT: Well, me see now, me understand why me no triathlete ...
#74. WHO: Sid Howard
SUBJECT: About how he got into running again 20 years after high
school, as told to Mike Tymn in the January/February 1998
issue of Running Times.
WHAT HE SAID: "My son, Norman, told me one day that there was
going to be a race for old people in Plainfield. I didn't even know
they had such things. I trained for it for three weeks and ran a
5:05 mile."
COMMENT: Well, Norman spoke those words about 20 years ago. Today,
at his age, we wonder whether he is joining the 'old' people too.
#73. WHO: Max Schindler
SUBJECT: Except for the elite few, whether you are running fast
or slow may depend on whom you are running with.
WHAT HE SAID: "Everything is relative. Einstein said that,
and he wasn't even a runner."
COMMENT: Oh, I see, the reason why it seems to take forever to reach
the finish time must be the time dilation effect! And how come the
length-contraction effect never works for me?
#72. WHO: Stacy Creamer
SUBJECT: Super-secret training tip about how she prepared for the
1997 Central Park Triathlon, at which she was the second place woman.
WHAT SHE SAID: "Well ... (long pensive pause) ... I did run
this same triathlon last year, didn't I?"
COMMENT: There is a famous Q&A: "How do you make it to
Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice." Apparently, this
saying is false.
#71. WHO: Scott Willett
SUBJECT: Truth and accuracy of the reporting on this web site.
WHAT HE SAID: "Everything you say will be misreported."
COMMENT: How much credence would you give to any criticism from
someone who says, "I biked 800 miles last week, but that was
just half of what Ross did ..."?
#70. WHO: Harry Morales
SITUATION: Harry was chatting with Fritz Muller and others,
and casually cited the fact that Fritz once ran a 50 miler in 5
hours 13 minutes in pouring rain. Duly impressed by the spontaneity
with which the younger man threw out the number, the Ancient One
asked, "Harry, were you there too?" To which, Harry responded:
WHAT WAS SAID: "No, Fritz. I was only fifteen years old then.
I took up running two years later."
COMMENT: We fail to communicate the dead-pan seriousness in which
Harry uttered those words.
#69. WHO: George Wisniewski
TO WHOM: A team member who was spectacularly slower than his teammates
in the road workout of November 6th, 1997.
WHAT WAS SAID: "You are in a group of your own ... and that
was not a compliment!"
COMMENT: Being a history teacher, George knows the importance of
leaving no room for misinterpretation.
#68. WHO: Sarah Gross
SUBJECT: Her description of what happened when she hit the wall
at the 22nd mile of the New York City Marathon in 1997.
WHAT WAS SAID: "I was cooked."
COMMENT: Whilst many runners experienced hitting the wall, some
say it better than others.
FOLLOW-UP: An astute reader pointed out that this may not be an
original usage. Supposedly, a Mexican cyclist (Raul Alcala)
who flamed out during a two-mile uphill climb at a place called
Hell's Kitchen, Pennsylvania during the Tour de Trump had said,
in accented English, "I was cooked in the kitchen."
#67. WHO: Max Schindler
WHEN: Central Park Track Club road workout, October 4th, 1997; temperature
was in the low 50's.
WHAT WAS SAID: "It is impossible to dress suitably for the
workout."
COMMENT: We can sympathize with him. On one hand, you want to dress
light to run. On the other hand, you want to keep warm while you
listen to the endless speechifying. If you bring extra clothes and
leave them near the statue, the scavengers will find them.
#66. WHO: Harry Morales
WHEN: NYRRC Winter Series 10 Miler 1996
WHY: Upon finally finishing ahead of teammate Sid Howard
after over 15 years of trying, whereupon the magnanimous Sid hugged
and congratulated him for his "achievement."
WHAT HE SAID: "It was humbling. I mean, the man is 25 years
older than me!"
COMMENT: Please note that there is no rivalry here. First of all,
these are two of the nicest people you will ever meet. Secondly,
by our reckoning, Harry runs only five races each year:- a spring
marathon, a fall marathon (but not the New York City marathon),
the December 10 Miler, the Spring 20 Miler and the Midnight Run.
Meanwhile, Sid probably does just about everything else other than
marathons.
POSTSCRIPT: In the 1997 edition of this race, 58-year-old Sid would
run away from Harry again. In Harry's own words, "When I could
not catch Sid after three-quarters of the race, I knew that he had
me again. From experience, I knew that he would just go into this
crouch and take off from that point on. Sure enough, that was what
happened."
#65. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: Sorry, what he said was so engrossing that we forgot what
the original subject was.
WHAT WAS SAID: I was co-leading a 1-day bicycle trip some years
ago with a woman named Gail. At one point, after she had been sitting
on the front for some time, she realized that she had led us off
course and that we were quite lost. Still rolling along, she called
me next to her and asked me in a very concerned way, "Should
we give the group the bad news?" "NO!," I said, looking
behind us to see that our group of 15-20 was still following us
and quite obliviously chatting away amongst themselves. "Just
pretend like you know where we're going, while I fall back and check
out this map. They will never know, and we will be heroes."
Needless to say, we found our way back on course, the group never
knew, and Gail and I were heroes.
COMMENT: ... paging Anna Coatsworth ... paging Anna Coatsworth
...
POSTSCRIPT: We were asked to explain the comment. Well, Anna is
legendary for allegedly getting repeatedly lost in triathlon races,
although she usually had such huge leads that it did not matter.
But the story that she once got lost while pedaling on a stationary
bike is just a rumor!
#64. WHO: Scott Willett
WHEN: Thursday, October 24th, 1997
SUBJECT: He was asked to comment on his performance at the Ironman
World Championship in Kona, Hawaii.
WHAT HE SAID: "No comment! Please address all questions to
my PR agent, Ross Galitsky!"
COMMENT: You need to understand that this has nothing to do with
arrogance as such. Rather, this reflects his esteem for his agent.
In Scott's own words, "Ross has a way of speaking. I might
call something BIG, but Ross can make it HUGE!" Yes, Scott, we know what you mean.
#63. WHO: Rachel Latessa
SUBJECT: Her role as a time-keeper at the track workout (October
14th, 1997)
WHAT SHE SAID: "The workout goes so quickly and easily when
you are the timer."
COMMENT: That is one very good reason why everyone of us should
volunteer at some time to do timing and help the coaches.
#62. WHO: Sid Howard, drill sergeant
SUBJECT: On the lackadaisical walking between the sets of twenty-five
200m sprints at the track workout, October 14th, 1997
WHAT HE SAID: "Jog a little bit! ... Suffer! Suffer! (pause)
... I mean, Shuffle! Shuffle!"
COMMENT: Yes, Sid must have remembered that Reality Therapy went
out of fashion in the early 1970s.
#61. WHO: XXX XXXXXX (the name has been covered
up in order to protect the innocent guilty)
SUBJECT: The chaos surrounding the 3.4 3.45
3.3 (3.35?) mile (but definitely NOT 5K) Norwegian Run
WHAT HE WROTE: "The
most important thing here is that I managed to get away with two
bagels with lox & cream cheese."
COMMENT: Finally, someone on the club with a proper sense of priorities!
In contrast, those people without the proper sense are busily trying
to decode the identity of the person by counting up the letters
and checking the membership directory! (Hint: It is not SID HOWARD)
#60. WHO: Julie Denney (and the rest of the
Central Park Track Club cheering squad)
WHEN: Sunday, October 12th, 1997, 10am, during the Norwegian Run
WHERE: Intersection of 72nd Street and East Drive
WHAT HAPPENED: First Stacy Creamer came along, and the squad
yelled, "Stacy! Stacy! Stacy!" Then this lanky Asian came
along and Julie yelled, "Casey! Casey! Casey!" At which
point, there was the realization that the real Casey Yamazaki
was standing right next to her. So the squad made a quick adjustment
and yelled with a new fervor, "Roland! Roland! Roland!"
COMMENT: We know that all Asians look alike. But in this case, the
telltale clue should have been the pace --- the real Casey is not
likely to be trailing Stacy.
#59. WHO: George Wisniewski
WHEN: Sunday, October 12th, 1997, 10am, during the Norwegian Run
WHERE: Cat Hill, Central Park
Part 1:
TO WHOM: Stacy Creamer
WHAT WAS SAID: "Stay on your toes! Stay on your toes!"
COMMENT: Stacy said, "The fact that he showed up there scared
the hell out of me!"
Part 2:
TO WHOM: Gordon Bakoulis, who was pushing her son Joey
Ruben in a babystroller, on a Sunday walk in the park
WHAT WAS SAID: "Push! Push!"
COMMENT: Does he want to remind Gordon what they told her in the
delivery room?
Part 3:
TO WHOM: Roland Soong
WHAT WAS SAID: "Don't print that! Don't print that!" (meaning
what he just told Gordon)
COMMENT: Sorry, Coach, the people have the right to know.
#58. WHO: Stacy Creamer
SUBJECT: Her insightful description of the intense competition among
the running clubs
WHAT WAS SAID: "The club competition is like the lotto, baby:
you gotta play to win!"
COMMENT: Does this mean that we can move to Tahiti when (but only
when) we win the big one?
#57. WHO: Sid Howard
SUBJECT: His fellow runners.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Someday, someone should write a book about
what runners talk about. They say the darndest things!"
COMMENT: Isn't it what this page is about?
#56. WHO: Tyronne Culpepper
WHEN: Upon being told that he was not photographed during the Fifth
Avenue Mile because he was not in Central Park Track Club
uniform, he said ...
WHAT WAS SAID: "I did not want a runaway victory for the Media
Person of the Year."
COMMENT: Or maybe he does not want people to know
that, in typical Tyronne fashion, he went out in 66 seconds for
the first quartermile but finished in 5:15.
POSTSCRIPT: In hindsight, it is now clear what Tyronne really meant.
At the time, he realized that he would be featured as the NYRRC
Member of the Month soon, but, at that moment it was a secret that
only he, his wife and the sworn-to-secrecy Stacy Creamer
would know.
#55. WHO: Chip Olsen
SUBJECT: A seemingly endless series of minor injuries that prevented
him from coming back to workouts.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Getting older really sucks!"
COMMENT: Yeah, Chip, life sucks! We all know that!
#54. WHO: Sid Howard
SUBJECT: About the respect and deference that his competitors accorded
him for being the oldest person in the Master Men 50-59 division
at the Fifth Avenue Mile 1997.
WHAT WAS SAID: "They showed no mercy. It didn't matter how
old I am!"
COMMENT: Sid finished fifth in that race (in 4:59), which was won
by a 50-year-old in 4:36. Sid is probably counting the number of
days left for him to enter into next age group, when he can show
his elders no respect.
#53. WHO: Alan Ruben, long-distance runner
par excellence
WHEN: After checking in for the Masters Division race of the Five
Avenue Mile 1997, being the first time that he was invited to run
such a 'short-distance' race.
WHAT WAS SAID: "What are you supposed to do before a mile race?"
COMMENT: Hey, Alan, why should it be any different from any other
race for you? A ten-mile warm-up tempo run, as usual.
#52. WHO: Karel Matousek
WHEN: At the starting line of the Czech Republic National Veterans
200m Championship race, he saw these funny-looking gadgets called
the starting blocks.
WHAT WAS SAID: "What are you supposed to do with this?"
COMMENT: Where is Coach George when you needed him the most?
#50. WHO: Frank Handelman
WHEN: Fifth Avenue Mile, Masters Division, 1997
SUBJECT: A dispassionate evaluation of his performance
WHAT WAS SAID: "I went out too fast."
COMMENT: Actually, even though Frank used those words on that occasion,
those words are more familiarly identified with certain other people:
Sylvie Mosqueda, Rasheed Azim, David Pullman,
Michael Rosenthal, to name a few.
#49. WHO: Brian Marchese
WHEN: Upon being notified that his photo was featured on the Club
News page for the week of September 21st, 1997.
WHAT WAS WRITTEN: "I assume that my royalty check is in the
mail, n'est-ce pas?"
COMMENT: Being featured on the Club News page earns him nothing.
Nada! After all, it is an honor and a privilege in itself. But being
a wise guy got him a permanent Brian Marchese link on the World
Wide Web, so that people will know who this smart aleck is.
#48. WHO: George Wisniewski
TO WHOM: Audrey Kingsley
WHEN: Tuesday, September 23rd, 1997
WHERE: East River Park Track
SUBJECT: About the importance of not being pressured by team representatives
(to wit, one Stacy Creamer) into running these long races.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Do not be charmed by her wry sense of humor
and that supposedly Martha Stewart-esque effervescence!"
COMMENT: Will Stacy be getting her own television show any time
soon?
Stacy Creamer strikes back: "Now I've really been insulted! I might have suffered Katie Couric-esque
effervescence but Martha Stewart!? Give me a break! "
Correction (10/3/97): According to Ross Galitsky,
another witness to the conversation, the exact words were: "Do
not be charmed by Alan's [Ruben] supposedly wry sense of
humor and Stacy's [Creamer] Martha Stewart-esque effervescence!"
We stand corrected.
#47. WHO: Max Schindler
WHEN: Tuesday, September 23rd, 1997
WHERE: East River Park Track
SUBJECT: "Just when I planned to run a race this weekend, my
calf is hurting. Well, I don't care! I am going to race even if
I have to cut my leg off!"
COMMENT: Head injuries are often the most serious!
#46. WHO: Sid Howard
SUBJECT: Recovery jogs at East River Park track workouts
WHAT WAS SAID (loudly): "Let's keep that jog alive!"
COMMENT: Evidently, Sid was particularly impressed with the portrayal
of the marine drill sergeant in Stanley Kubrick's movie,
Full Metal Jacket. But he should remember what happened to
that man in the movie!
#45. Who: Michael Garland
SUBJECT: Late start time of Thursday night workouts (see also famous
saying #23)
WHAT WAS SAID: "It has become impossible to be late for the
workouts, no matter how hard you try."
COMMENT: Better late than never?
#44 Who: Sarah Gross
SUBJECT: Characterization of the visitors to this web site.
WHAT WAS SAID: "There are members of the team who basically
have nothing to do, easy jobs, no life...and everyday, they just
type http://www.zonalatina.com/cptc/, point, click and, yeah, they
do this several times a day."
COMMENT: ... including herself?
#43. WHO: Alan Bautista
WHEN: Upon hearing that the recovery between two one-mile pickups
at a workout is supposed to be done at a respectable pace, he said
...
WHAT WAS SAID: "This is my worst nightmare! This is what kills
me!"
COMMENT: Well, we can't all just do 800meter runs with a five minute
standing rest all of the time, as Alan prefers.
#42. WHO: Karel Matousek
SUBJECT: On Tuesday 8/20/97, after promising to meet Stacy Creamer
at the Riverside Park track, he showed up at the East River track
instead. This fact was promptly published in the Club News section
of this web site the next morning. Upon learning about this, Karel
had this to say ...
WHAT WAS SAID: "You people should really get a life!"
COMMENT: Nothing is too trivial to be published on this web site,
especially when it comes to Karel ("Mr. Proper")
Matousek.
#41. WHO: Gerry McCarthy
SUBJECT: John ("Gazelle Boy") Kenney
WHAT: "I used to be able to beat him. Then he met this guy
who analyzed his running form and, after a while, I could not even
keep him within sight anymore."
COMMENT: But let us not forget that Gerry runs with a parrot ("Hector")
on his shoulder, but John does not.
#40. WHO: David Pullman, Managing Director,
Fahnestock Structured Asset Sales Group
SUBJECT: On a rock star's ability to sell $55 million in bonds backed
by future royalty payments on his music.
WHERE/WHEN: As reported on Bloomberg
Business News, February 4, 1997
WHAT: "I wish all our clients were as innovative as David
Bowie."
COMMENT: Unfortunately, none of the Central Park Track Club runners
are likely to be able to issue bonds on their future road race winnings.
#39. WHO: Sid Howard
SUBJECT: Seeking technical advice from technerd teammate about a
planned computer purchase to get 'online' so that he can read about
himself in these pages, among other things.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Is it true that I will need at least a 3 gigabyte
hard disk?"
COMMENT: Oh, we have been waiting for so long and we thought that
he would never pop the big question!
#38. WHO: Jud Santos
SUBJECT: The reason why he joined the Central Park Track Club
WHEN: Around 1985, he was reading an article in the New York
Running News about the various running clubs in the New York
City area. There he saw a photo of the Original Degenerate of the
Central Park Track Club, Jack Brennan, lounging under
a tree with a girl in each arm.
WHAT WAS SAID: "The photo convinced me that this was the club
for me."
COMMENT: Oh, how he must have yearned to be held by the arms of
the man who qualified for the US Olympic Men's Marathon Trial in
a pair of Rockports!
#37. WHO: George Wisniewski
SUBJECT: Team uniform
WHEN: When star runner Mike Trunkes first showed the sketches
of his new design, Coach Wiz gave one smirky look, did the proverbial
meaningful pause, and said ...
WHAT WAS SAID: "Just win, baby!"
COMMENT: Twenty plus years teaching in the New York City High School
system is enough to turn anyone into a professional cynic.
#36. WHO: Rachel Latessa
SUBJECT: A certain gossip-column webmaster
WHEN: Post-race warm-down run after the Roosevelt Island 10K in
1997.
WHAT WAS SAID: "As soon as I figured out who this guy Roland
was, I vowed never to say anything in front of him."
Comment: Rachel is sadly mistaken, because the point is not about
saying anything in front of him, but saying anything at all. One
of those who heard Rachel's words threw up his hands and declared,
"Roland is everywhere." He is also mistaken, because we
learn from our catechism class that the only Being who is everywhere
is God. No, Roland counts on the numerous collaborationists (oops,
sorry, I mean collaborators) who feed him all these marvelous stories
that will make people famous.
#35. WHO: Alan Ruben
SUBJECT: Racing flats.
WHEN: Following the
Roosevelt Island 10K in 1997, the CPTC women were invited to do
a 2-mile cooldown with the men's team. As Stacy Creamer ran
off to the baggage check area to change into her training shoes,
Alan Ruben called her back and said ...
WHAT WAS SAID: "Keep your racing flats on. You'll need them
to run with us."
COMMENT: Dear reader, we do not wish to have Alan Ruben come across
as a snob. This is an example of that wry British wit that we all
enjoy so much.
#34. WHO: George Wisniewski
SUBJECT: Central Park Track Club member Mike Batista
WHAT WAS SAID: "Mike Batista is the most degenerate
runner that I have ever coached."
COMMENT: I don't think anyone would challenge that assessment.
#33. WHO: An unidentified member of a certain running
team based in the Westchester area.
SUBJECT: Central Park Track Club member Rich Joseph.
WHEN: While warming up for the Club Team Championship Race 1997,
he was overheard by someone who is a professional eavesdropper to
have said the following words to his teammate.
WHAT WAS SAID: "You know, this guy Rich trains for the 800m
at the track. He runs with another club. We should really get him
to run for us."
COMMENT: Rich, if I were you, I would hold out for the big bucks,
get rich and retire.
#32. WHO: Larry Glazer
SUBJECT: His fame on the WWW through his own page
on this web site.
WHAT WAS SAID: "The people at my office have seen me on the
web. Unfortunately I am still not getting paid."
COMMENT: If I knew how to parlay my notoriety into money, I would
not be working here.
#31. WHO: Woody Hayes, legendary football
coach at Ohio State
SUBJECT: The philosophy of his run-oriented football team
WHAT WAS SAID: "THOU SHALT NOT PASS".
COMMENT: Jud Santos should remember these words the next
time that Casey Yamazaki attempts to pass him at the end
of a race (see story). He should also do well to
remember that Woody Hayes' last act on the field as a coach was
an attempted punch at the face of a 300-pound Clemson lineman who
was wearing a football helmet.
#30. WHO: Michael Sheren
WHERE: Near the crest of Cat Hill, Central Park, New York City
WHEN: Lesbian & Gay Pride 5-Miler, June 28, 1997
SITUATION: An admittedly out-of-shape Michael was watching the race,
as an equally out-of-shape teammate struggled up the hill in the
race.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Better you than me."
COMMENT: When Michael gets back into racing again, his teammate
will be sure to give him the same sort of support and encouragement.
The coach's instructions are very clear: "Don't get mad ---
get even!"
#29. WHO: Alan Ruben
WHEN: Upon learning that he was elevated from 101st place to 99th
place in the 100th Boston Marathon because of two doping
disqualifications.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Thank God for drug testing!"
COMMENT: We did not realize that God had anything to do with this.
#28. WHO: Fasil Yilma
SUBJECT: Commenting upon his victory at the Sri Chinmoy Rainbow
Marathon on May 26, 1996. This occurred barely one year after
he started racing, and was a personal record by 13 minutes.
WHAT WAS SAID: "It was boring."
COMMENT: If only we could all be so cool and blasé about
a win!
QUALIFIER: He might be referring to the fact that the race went
around a one-mile loop for 26 times on Randall's Island, with nary
a cheering spectator in sight.
#27. WHO: Jud Santos
WHEN: Upon reading that some other individual was listed in the
New York Daily News as the winner of the Breakfast At
The Tavern 2 Mile Run, a race that he had won running away with
nobody else in sight.
WHAT WAS SAID: "I want his head on a stick!"
COMMENT: It was particularly rough on him, as this was a Wednesday
6am race for which he paid a $20 late-entry fee. However, his measure
of justice is ... how shall we say? ... quite extraordinary.
ADDENDUM: We only found out recently that Bonny
Rozzo was the first female finisher in the very same race. How
come we did not know? She got no mentions anywhere! Her reactions
were not known.
#26. WHO: Roland Soong
TO WHOM: An unnamed person who was pleading with him not to publish
his poor performance at a recent race, which was attributed to the
proverbial 'bad day'.
WHAT WAS SAID: "I have no empathy for this sort of thing. Personally,
every day has been a bad day for me for the longest time."
COMMENT: Is that why he is dubbed "Ming the Merciless"?
(P.S. If you don't know the reference, then you are just a young
know-nothing punk!)
#25. WHO: Caryl Baron
WHERE: Letter
to the editor of Footnotes, the publication of RRCA, in reaction
to an article on plantar fasciitis. Her own plantar fasciitis didn't
get better until she got rid of the orthotics and strengthened her
feet with walking and simple foot flexing
WHAT WAS SAID: We should not depend on the medical establishment
to know anything about maintaining a healthy body. It is so seldom
that they get to see one.
#24. WHO: Fritz
Mueller
WHEN: Many, many moons ago, way back in the 1970's
TO WHOM: Mary Gibbons, whom he followed closely for three
speedy loops around the Central Park Reservoir
WHAT WAS SAID: "I am Fritz. Vould you like to choin ze Centraal
Park Traak Klub?"
COMMENT: Having watched her share of late night Peter Cushing/Christopher
Lee Dracula movies, Mary was understandably alarmed by
this strange-looking man with an even stranger accent. Eventually,
she did join the club, but no thanks to Fritz's recruiting effort.
# 23. WHO: Terri Sonenclar
WHEN: At just about every workout
SUBJECT: About Coach George (ditto Assistant Coach Tony Ruiz)'s
seemingly interminable digressions at the start, thereby seriously
jeopardizing her chances of catching the Metro North 8:?? train
from Grand Central.
WHAT WAS SAID: "If he doesn't get us going soon, my husband
is going to divorce me."
COMMENT: But she runs a lot faster when she realizes that she is
under time pressure. So maybe the coach knows what he is doing.
#22. WHO: Ross Galitsky
TO WHOM: Roland Soong
WHEN: May 20th, 1997, 7pm
WHERE: East 6th Street Track
SUBJECT: Super-value macrobiotic nutritional diet
WHAT WAS SAID: "MacDonald's has them for 55 cents each."
QUALIFIER: To be fair, Ross did mention later that it was necessary
to purchase a soda and french fries at regular prices.
COMMENT: Ross, remember what the cops forgot to tell Mr. Miranda:
"You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can
be and will be used against you."
#21. WHO: Maureen Dooley-Elmeleh
TO WHOM: Karel Matousek
WHERE: Central Park Reservoir Loop
WHAT WAS SAID: "No, I am a Scorpio."
WHY: In response to Karel Matousek's query, "Are you
an heiress?"
COMMENT: How exceptionally clever!!! What a deft way of warding
off a gold-digging gigolo!!!
# 20. WHO: Jack Brennan
SUBJECT: Fritz Muller
TO WHOM: Anyone who cares (or feigns) to listen
WHAT WAS SAID: "Fritz is a man of few words
--- at least few that I can understand."
# 19. WHO: Alan Ruben (spectator)
WHERE: At the 21-mile mark of the 1997 Boston Marathon, about
3 hours into the race.
WHAT WAS SAID: "This is harder than running the marathon. I'm
not used to being on my feet for this long."
COMMENTS: None are needed.
#18. WHO: Fritz
Muller (parroting his pal Jack Brennan)
SUBJECT: Deteriorating physical prowess as old age sets in.
WHAT WAS SAID: "The older I get, the faster I was."
COMMENT: Well, this is not completely true for Fritz, who started
running relatively late in life. There was a period of time when
the older he got, the faster he became, and he set a bunch of national
master records. What about today? That is a completely different
story, which his pal Jack Brennan will gladly tell you.
# 17. WHAT: "Nobody beats the Wiz!"
SUBJECT: The slogan for the consumer electronics discount store
chain.
COMMENT: This slogan cannot be applied to the case of our coach
George ("The Wiz") Wisniewski. Among those who
have beaten Coach Wiz are: (1) "that Norwegian woman",
Grete Waitz and her entourage of motorcycle cops at the
New York City Marathon (2) the first three finishers at the
1500 meter US Olympics Trial (3) his college teammate Byron
Dyce (4) our own Candy Strobach in a Club Team Championship
Race and not to mention old ghosts like Brian Kivlan et alia.
More recently, thirty years after setting the NYU mile record, he
intends to come back and become the best 50 year old runner on the
team. Good luck!
#16. WHO: Sid Howard
WHEN: Too many times.
SUBJECT: His many, many injuries, usually as a result of over-racing,
which he attempts to conquer by "running over the injury."
WHAT WAS SAID: "Just because you get older does not mean that
you get smarter".
COMMENT: At least he is circumspect.
COROLLARY: At a recent Thursday night workout, upon
finding out that an unnamed runner (who is not Sid Howard) had done
the second half thirty seconds slower instead of the prescribed
twenty seconds faster, Coach Wiz said, "I can always
count on a master runner to fail to carry out the instructions."
Sid Howard's comment would have been a most fitting response.
#15. WHO: Unidentified male member (sic!)
WHERE: Central Park Track Club membership survey, late 1995
WHAT WAS SAID: On the survey form, the sex of the respondent is
to be indicated by checking either
[ ] Male [ ] Female. But this individual wrote in 'NOT ENOUGH' instead.
COMMENT: According to some psychologists, running is a means for
sublimating undischarged sexual drives. But only the confidentiality
of the survey prevented us from publicly exposing and flogging this
very sick puppy!
# 14: WHO: Tim Robinson (?)
WHERE: As quoted by James Graham in New York Press
WHAT WAS SAID: "Cross-country runners in high school are
not appreciated by the girls, who are ignorant of the pleasures
of stamina."
COMMENT: So marathoners are not celibate by choice?
POSTSCRIPT: The quote and attribution originally appeared in the
Central Park Track Club Newsletter. Since then, it has been
disclosed that the quote was knowingly mis-attributed to Tim Robinson
because that writer saw "Tim at one of his folk guitar-playing
performances, wherein the audience was AT LEAST 3/4 single females
swooning over him and his long hair" and thought that what
James Graham wrote was suitable. When confronted with the appalling
lack of accuracy and truth in his journalistic work, that writer
replied, "That's too bad, because I liked the Tim quote, even
if it is just a fictitious one. But what do you expect from the
Newsletter? Accuracy and truth??? Oh c'mon. Besides, my highly-paid
professional lawyers have informed me that the addition of the question
mark following Tim's name releases me from all obligations to be
accurate." Did he skip the Ethics course in journalism
school? This item really belongs to the BAD ATTITUDES page!!!
# 13: WHO: Efrain Gonzalez
TO WHOM: Roland Soong
WHERE: A Sunday morning, April 1996, North Meadows, Central Park,
as witnessed by Luis Peña
WHY: Reacting to an unflattering description of the spare tire around
his waist in the Central Park Track Club Newsletter
WHAT WAS SAID: "You are a dead man. YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!"
COMMENT: We are happy to report that Efrain has been seen recently,
minus the spare tire and running well. O, the wonders of liposuction!!!
(To be honest, we don't know for sure but we can think of no other
plausible explanation).
#12. WHO: Anna Coatsworth
WHEN: Advil Mini Marathon, June 10, 1995, where she clocked
64:49 for the 10K race
WHAT WAS SAID: "It was my mother."
COMMENT: When neither training nor chemicals work, then it must
be because of the bad genes.
QUALIFIER: To be fair, Anna was keeping her mother company at the
Advil race. Several weeks later, Anna clocked a winning 10K running
time of 41:14 at the Montauk Triathlon, AFTER a 1-mile swim
and a 20-mile cycling leg.
#11. WHO: Alan Ruben
WHEN: At the post-Snowflake Run (February 22, 1997) party
at AJ Gordon's Brew Bar when Marty Stanton's video
of the race was being exhibited
WHAT WAS SAID: "I didn't realize that I have so little hair
left."
COMMENT: Gordon, please instruct your husband that length does not
matter and that what really matters is how he uses it.
#10. WHO: Ross Galitsky
WHEN: Upon discussion of yet another physical therapy method at
a Thursday night workout, March 1997
WHAT WAS SAID: "If it costs money, I won't do it."
COMMENT: Hey, Ross, watch what you are saying! Some of us (such
as Bruce Mandelbaum, Michael Konig, Dan Hamner
MD, etc) are trying to make a living out of this physical therapy
thing! People like you are ruining their livelihood!
#9. WHO: Stephanie Gobbo
WHEN: At the 1994 Club Team Championship race
TO: A visibly pregnant Candace Strobach
WHAT WAS SAID: "Hey, Candy, you look like George around the waist."
COMMENT: Oops! Don't expect any favors from Coach Wiz!
#8. WHO: Harry Morales
WHEN: Commenting on his 1:28 - 2:15 splits at the Greater Hartford
Marathon, October 12th, 1996
WHAT WAS SAID: "There was this tremendous urge to go to to
sleep."
COMMENT: We were afraid that he would say, "There was a tremendous
urge to throw up", as is his custom.
#7. WHO: An unidentified female New York City
Park Ranger
TO: Alan Ruben
WHEN: Upon observing a tuxedo-clad Alan Ruben relieving
himself in the bushes of Central Park in broad daylight on the way
to his own wedding ceremony in the park, October 26th, 1996.
WHAT WAS SAID: "When you're done shaking that thing off, could
you come over here for a second?"
COMMENT: When asked for identification, Alan only had his marriage
license to show. Hey, what kind of excuse was that?
POSTSCRIPT: There is some debate as to whether the
park ranger is male or female. The rest of the story is not in doubt.
#6. WHO: Ross Galitsky
WHEN: On his first Thursday night workout in the fall of 1996
TO: Roland Soong, renowned designated rabbit
WHAT WAS SAID: "Hi, Roland. I was told by friends that I should
run with you for the workout. But I cannot tell you my name, because
they said that you write these terrible things about people. If
I don't tell you my name, then you can't write about me."
COMMENT: Unfortunately, his friends and family were only too eager
to spill their guts about him in order to save their own hides.
He is going to have a tough life around here!
#5. WHO: Jim Aneshansley
WHERE: In the Post-NYC Marathon 1995 Issue of the Central Park
Track Club Newsletter
WHAT WAS SAID: "My name is spelled Aneshansley, pronounced
a-nes-háns-lee, ... aka Jim A."
WHY: In previous newsletters, his name was spelled variously as
Ananeshaneshy, Ananshaneshy, Ananshanshely, Aneshansely, Aneshansley,
Aneshansley, ... to the confusion of one Jeff English.
COMMENT: Remember that name! He is one of our best!
#4. WHO: Karel
Matousek
WHERE: Indoor track workout at the Wingate Gym, City University
of New York, March 1996
TO: Jill Gisvold and Lucy White
WHAT WAS SAID: "I'm going to plaster myself to you two tonight."
COMMENT: The appropriate penalty for saying something as politically
incorrect as that should be surgical castration.
#3. WHO: Nathan Klejman
WHEN: At the wedding reception for Alan Ruben and Gordon
Bakoulis, October 26th, 1996
TO: A group of people sitting at a nearly full table.
WHAT WAS SAID: "Would you mind if I sit here? Some people find
me offensive."
COMMENT: Silence is golden. To say anything one way or the other
would be to aid and abet bad behavior of one sort or the other.
#2. WHO: Unnamed CPTC member
TO: Jud Santos, current Central Park Track Club Newsletter
Editor
WHERE: Daniel Webster Statue, Thursday night workout, circa late
1980's, as witnessed by David Pullman who recalled the occasion
for the December 1995 CPTC Newsletter. At that time, Jud
was still a newbie/wannabee and had not yet ascended to his prominent
position today.
WHAT WAS SAID: "The style and form of your volunteer spec article
don't really fit our publication."
COMMENT: They still don't fit, but then the club was desperate because
no one else wants the job.
#1. WHO: Terri Sonenclar
WHEN: August 13th, 1995
WHERE: Upon tripping and falling at the Phelps Hospital 5K
while leading in that race
WHAT WAS SAID: "I was all bloody and bruised. It was gross.
Normally I might have just stayed down. But I had visions of the
next woman running up to me and kicking me over to the side of the
road. So I got up real quickly and kept running."
COMMENT: You are really saying that YOU would have kicked someone
aside if you came upon them in that condition. Wow, Terri, we will
have to look at you now with newfound awe!
SOME VERY OLD STUFF
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